Less Sex, More Meat

During my research into Adrenal Fatigue, I came across the website of Dr. L Wilson, and what I believe must be the most ridiculous argument against a vegetarian or vegan diet.

I can't advocate for or against these diets because I'm still searching for my own answers, but I think most meat eaters and their vegetarian counterparts would agree that this doctor's lack of research is not the biggest flaw in his articles.

According to Dr. Wilson, (sic) some women develop a strange craving for male semen [...] This may sound odd, but it is quite common, especially among semi-vegetarian and vegetarian women.  They want frequent sex without condoms because they feel better when they absorb more male sexual fluid.

So basically, these vegetarian women (for some reason it doesn't extend to men) are so meat deficient that they try to get their fill with cum. 

But wait, it gets better.


The problem is these women literally wear out their husbands and boyfriends, wanting sex daily or every other day in most cases.  It is not about enjoying the orgasms and some women don’t even have orgasms and don’t care.  It is the fluid they want.  This can be very hard on marriages and other man-woman relationships.

If the man in their life cannot satisfy their new craving, some are tempted to go outside the marriage or relationship for sex.  This, of course, is extremely disruptive to their primary relationship, especially if the partner finds out, it spreads disease fast, and it puts the woman in physical danger although she may not realize it.

Ladies, if you don't eat meat, you will fuck-up your relationships by becoming sperm-hungry adulteress.   I guess we can surmise from this that it's okay for men to be vegetarians then?

One solution is simply more sex.  However, the craving easily becomes an addiction if one chooses this route.  Then it is even harder to control  A better solution is less sex, more love and more red meat.  This will help preserve the marriage or relationship, since for almost all men, sex once a week is plenty, and once a month is fine, too.  Sex with ejaculation is quite depleting for men.

So if you have too much sex, you're at risk of becoming addicted to semen.  You're way better off with less sex and more meat!

On a side note, I'd like to ask the men out there if what this doctor says is true: do almost all men feel that once a week and even once a month is plenty as far as sex goes?

What kind of science do you have to back up this claim, Dr. Wilson?

(sic) I am not sure why eating red meat is so helpful, but it is.  

 

 The only thing that works besides more sex seem to be that these women must eat red meat such as lamb, wild game or perhaps some beef several times weekly.  Only then does the craving seem to subside.  Sadly, many do not like red meat, but this is needed.  Taking a powerful digestive aid such as GB-3 from Endomet labs may help to digest meat.  

Don't fuck, eat chuck.  (sorry, I couldn't resist).

Anyway, if it's that important to eat all that meat, why do you need to take digestive aids to do so?

In a more thorough article entitled Sexual Fluid Craving, Dr. Wilson goes on to describe the condition more thoroughly:

Sexual fluid craving is a condition in which a person has feelings of depression, fatigue and even despair that are relieved when their body absorbs just a little sexual fluid, usually from a man.  It can be absorbed in the vagina, by mouth, or just rubbed on the skin.  This unusual condition is most common in women, and affects millions of young women, as well as some young men.

The vegetarian diet could also be the downfall of society:

The main effect of sexual fluid craving is a highly disruptive one on teen chastity, on marriages, on genital health, and perhaps other aspects of society.  It tends to cause the society to condone pre-marital sex, more divorce, homosexuality, abortion, the use of dangerous drugs such as birth control pills, and perhaps has other effects, as well.

 

[...] it causes millions of very young women, ages 15 to 25, for example (why so young?), to want to have a boyfriend and “play house”.  This is a euphemism for having frequent sex together, usually without a condom so they can get the fluid they want.  To prevent pregnancies without condoms, the young women are often on birth control pills or patches, which are horrible for their health.  Some of the young ladies end up getting abortions, which is also hard on them, but is a common part of the fluid craving ‘lifestyle’.

It's a lifestyle.

Sexual fluid craving may help explain why those who wish to destroy a society often rape the women and even the men, as it is an effective and fast way to cause sexual fluid craving.  This, in turn, disrupts the marriages, corrupts the young, encourages abortions and so on.  It also leads to more lying, cheating on one’s mate, and “stealing” fluid from others, which is a type of vampire-like behavior.  It also makes women much more aggressive, in some cases, and may result in more homosexuality.

 

This craving can bring out a selfish quality that can become exaggerated.  A person craving sexual fluid, for example, may go outside her marriage to obtain male fluid, even though she may not even enjoy the sex.  She simply wants or feels she must have the sexual fluid.  She may also take chances of obtaining sexually-transmitted or venereal diseases, and may infect her partner with them, all to get more fluid.

All to get more fluid...

One of the causes of sexual fluid addiction, according to Dr. Wilson, is a possible entity attachment.


Weakening of the body due to too much sex as a result of sexual fluid craving often opens the body to entity attachment.  Many do not believe in this, but it has been written about extensively.  It has been mentioned [ ] as a possible cause or contributor to sexual fluid craving.  However, it is also a possible consequence of the condition, as well.  When this happens, which is hard to identify for a person, the condition often gets worse because the discarnate entities often encourage the behavior.

It appears that in some cases, after a woman is raped, for example, souls that float around freely and are sometimes called entities or discarnate souls, get inside the body.  They can get into a woman’s body, where they might irritate the vaginal area or do other things that cause or contribute to sexual fluid craving.

This is a difficult subject to discuss rationally, as some people don’t believe in discarnate souls or entities.  However, they are real, and a Google search will reveal many books about them.  In fact, both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible mention them a number of times. 

The bible, ya don't say...

Another cause of sexual fluid addiction is having too many orgasms.  Too much sex or too much masturbation in a woman or man can deplete sexual fluid and can cause or worsen sexual fluid craving. 

Sigh.

Did you know that sexual fluid addiction explains homosexual behaviours?

Sex fluid craving affects some, and perhaps many male and female homosexuals.  In fact, sexual fluid craving can help one understand some homosexual behaviors when one realizes that they may be attempts to absorb more male sexual fluid.  This includes such things as smearing the fluid on one’s body or the body of one’s partner or mate.  One can absorb the fluid through the skin, in the anus, in the mouth, swallowing it, and a very effective way is to rub it in one’s eyes and ears, and on other delicate parts of the body.

As one follows the program, the entire homosexual lifestyle may begin to seem odd or strange.  I do not understand why this is so, but it can be confusing for homosexual men, in particular.  Clients report that this causes feelings of extreme loneliness, depression and anxiety.  However, once a person works through this, by staying with their nutritional balancing program, which might take a few weeks to a few months, then life becomes much easier and much happier.  Often, homosexual desires are gone and the sexual craving is also gone, or much reduced.

What else?

Christian young women who do not want to have sex before marriage are still affected by sexual fluid craving.  However, they seem to be able to put up with the condition without too much trouble in many cases (aw well that's good).  Becoming a Christian seems to help with the feelings of depression and fatigue that give rise to the craving.

[...] the so-called women’s liberation movement unfortunately can make sexual craving a far worse problem that breaks up relationships that otherwise are going well.  It also fosters selfishness among women, guilt in some cases, and causes more sexually transmitted disease, which is already a terrible epidemic.

Vampirism.  One of the worst outcomes is that it turns otherwise fine young and older women into selfish nutritional vampires who basically crave and steal seminal fluid any way they can, at times, with no regard for their own dignity, for love, or for the well-being of their partners or mates. 
Like all addictions, if left unchecked it can ruins people’s lives, ruin families and children, and has repercussions for the entire social fabric of society.  The reason for this is that the family unit and stable man-woman relationships are the basis for a stable, and happy society.  This is the truth, even if modern psychologists disagree. 

It's the fucking truth.

So now that we know about this horrible disease, how can we get help?

Well, following the prescribed nutritional balancing program is one important step, according to the doctor, and it is especially (sic) VERY IMPORTANT IS TO AVOID ALL FRUIT, although I do not know why this is so.

He doesn't know why, but do it anyway.

To wrap up, sexual fluid addiction can be caused by: lack of meat in the diet, discarnate entities, women's liberation; can cause homosexuality, adultery, semen robbery, wreckage of families and societies, promiscuity and all the accompanying issues (STDs, abortions, rape, etc.); and can be cured by having less sex (leave the poor men alone!), eating all the meat, no fruit, and becoming a Christian.

I hope you enjoyed my review of Dr. Wilson's article.  If you aren't yet convinced that meat = good, I give you the following from the vegetarian diet section of the doctor's website:

 IS THERE ANYTHING POSITIVE FOR ANIMALS REGARDING EATING MEAT? (sic)


Yes.  When animals spend time around human beings, even penned up in cages the way chickens and cattle often are, they advance spiritually.  This is the truth.  The same is true of owning pet animals, too.

Bam.

Notes:

all italicized text is citation from the following sources:

http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/SEXUAL%20CRAVING.htm
http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/VEGETABLEDIETS.htm

all emphasis in bold and/or underlined text is my own

I am not advocating any particular diet choice, all dietary info is that of Dr. L. Wilson

I realize I am being a bitch by 'poking fun' at someone's beliefs, but I'm using the excuse that the source was asking for it by publishing his beliefs as facts.

I apologize for the over-use of memes - I've been reading buzzfeed too much.

<3 M

(Really) Glad To Be Alive

I almost died yesterday.

My day started of okay - had a routine cleaning at the dentist for 11am: the hygenist was extremely chatty the whole time, which makes me anxious, although she was very nice and kept going on about how beautiful my teeth were.

Value Village is in the same plaza as my dentist and that's where I headed after my appointment.  After heaping my cart full, I proceeded to the change room where I spent a generous and painful length of time trying on various things.  After a while, I was so sore that I just had to stop.  I was also starting to get hives, which is normal for me as I've been getting them for the past two years whenever the lightest sweat breaks out (it's very frustrating).

I left the change room and started looking through the items in my cart.  After a minute or so, I started having trouble breathing, so I started taking my inhaler, but it wasn't helping and the hives were getting worse.  I went to sit down and text Brian and right after that, I felt my face was swelling up.  At that point I dialed 911 and went outside to the front of the store, leaving my cart inside.  My breathing was worsening by the second and by the time I spoke to the lady on the other end, I could barely speak. 

So I waiting, bent over a railing, trying with all my strength to just breath. 

The ambulance seemed to take forever to arrive - longest time I've ever waited for an ambulance.  Meanwhile, the 911 lady kept asking me questions, and I eventually just stopped answering her because they had nothing to do with my condition and I couldn't talk!

Then a woman coming out of value village starting acting like my nurse, putting her face in mine, asking me dumb questions, leaning her hand on my back, making it even harder to breath.  I felt like crying. I didn't know what to do.

When the ambulance finally did arrive, they slowly sauntered over to me as if I was suffering from a minor boo-boo and proceeded to ask me questions like "what is the matter,?" "what's your name?" "do you know where you are?" etc etc - all of these questions and they still hadn't even touched me.  I stopped trying to answer their stupid questions because I felt like I was literally drowning - I couldn't get ANY air.

So then they put an oxygen mask on me, which was not emitting ANYTHING.  I tried to tell them but they didn't listen.  I took the mask off to look at what might be the issue and the place where the oxygen is supposed to com out was covered by some kind of plug.  I tried keeping the mask off of me because it was making it way way harder to breath, but they kept putting it back on me.

At this point, I was pretty sure I was going to die.  They were taking their time.  And they stopped trying to put my mask back on.  But I didn't want to die, so I started trying to beg with what little air I guess I was getting (no idea how) - "please help me!" "I can't fucking breath," "please, you don't understand!" And the EMS guy was quite annoyed by this point, and just barked back "this is our job - we know what we're doing!" 

THEN they give me an epi-shot.  Get me onto the bed thing (whatever it's called), and proceeded to take their time.  I started clawing and thrashing out of desperation (not at anyone, just the bed thing) the same way one would if they were underwater drowning - it's an instinct - even if you want to die, your body automatically tries to fight it.  I got yelled at again.  I've never begged that hard or desperately in my whole fucking life. 

At that point, I just accepted I was gonna die and tried not to fight it anymore - next to impossible.

So they had me lying down flat on this bed, and for anyone who knows about asthma or breathing problems, you know that's the worst possible position - sitting up and/or turning on your side makes it easier to breath for some reason.  So I tried my best to wiggle to my side, which was next to impossible  cause they had me belted in so tightly.

They finally put me in the back of the ambulance, where I was half in the bed, and half leaning against some kind of glass cabinets.  The didn't touch me again.  Just left me alone, and I actually started to be able to breath a tiny bit, laying on my side, which was so relieving.

We finally got there... did I mention they didn't even turn on their siren until we were just about to arrive?  They rolled me into the hospital, into a room, where there was about seven staff.  The EMS still hadn't touched me - in fact the one guy told them in a very annoyed tone, that I had no idea who I was or where I was, etc.   WTF.  Yes I did.  I just couldn't breath, motherfucker!

They placed me onto the bed in the room, and put an oxygen mask on me that actually had oxygen coming out of it!  From there on I knew I would live because they were all there giving me what I needed as if it was an emergency.  I got two more epi-shots, an IV with Saline, Magnesium Sulfate, Prednisone.  They gave me ventolin, lots of oxygen... hooked me all up with electrodes and basically made it so I could actually breathe again.  And they were nice to me, too.

Brian came - walked at lightening speed from downtown to the Jurevinski hospital - first time I'd ever had someone at my bedside at the hospital.  Felt odd but good.They continued treatment and monitoring for several hours until they were sure I was stable and okay. 

I was exhausted, and in so much pain: one particular nurse, who I'm sure meant well, kept squeezing and poking my arm, not sure why but I think she was hooking lots of stuff up to me.  I kept saying ow because it fucking hurt like a bitch, and finally I said "I have Fibromyalgia" and they were like "oooohhh, okay" - I don't usually complain when stuff like that happens, but it was too much.  At least they understood why it was hurting me so much when I volunteered that information.  It made me realize the importance of letting people know so don't hurt me inadvertently.

This same nurse, when the moved me to another room when I was stable, came in and slapped my leg "affectionately" asking how I was doing.  I screamed because it felt like she just dropped a ton of bricks on my leg.  Sigh. 

Yesterday was not my day.  But I lived.

So a bit of background: as I said, for the past two years or so, I get hives so easily, just from a tiny bit of sweat.  They usually start on my chest and can stay for a quite a while.

Then about a month or two ago, I started going to the YWCA to use the treadmill, which I'd done many times before and never had an issue.  One day I came home and almost immediately broke out in hives all over my body, itchy, sooo itchy.  I was itchy inside and outside - and I felt myself swelling up - my face, eyes, lips, basically my entire face, so much so that you could still see the effects of the swelling two days after.  The scariest thing though, was that my throat was beginning to constrict. 

So I laid down in bed, put the fan on my full blast, and concentrated on relaxing my body, and breathing, paying attention to the swelling so that I'd know if it got serious enough I would call 911.  The only reason I knew that it was a serious thing, is because since I was a little girl I have been allergic to fish, so much so, that even to touch the juice of it sent me into severe antifilactic shock - my eyes would swell completely shut and my throat would swell and cut off my air completely.  I had twenty minutes then I'd be dead.  When I got a bit older, they shortened my time of death to three minutes - scary stuff.

After that exercise incident happened, I went to the doctor and told her about it: she set up an appointment with an allergist and gave me a prescription for an epi-pen.  She also told me to take allergy pills before doing any exercise, just in case.

Well we found out yesterday that ODSP doesn't even cover an epi-pen - something that could save your life quite literally.  I thought that was ridiculous.  Brian brought the perscription in to get filled and they handed him a form - not an epi-pen, and told him I have to go back to my doctor to have the form filled out.  If I had had that epi-pen yesterday, things might have turned out quite differently.  Luckily, the nice doctor who took care of me yesterday was awesome and filled out some form for me to take to the pharmacy to make it so I can get it covered.  A hundred dollars is what it would have cost.

He also prescribed me a new inhaler since I used it all up trying to breath in the value village yesterday, and three days worth of prednisone.

So, I went into antifilactic shock yesterday, so bad that it almost killed me.  And just from my own perspiration, apparently.  What's that about?  My throat closed up, and I couldn't breath.  That was the scariest thing I can think of that I've gone through - I find it really upsetting to think about so I've noticed I've been trying to stuff it inside so I don't have to deal with it.

I know I have been quite judgmental in this post, mostly regarding the EMS people, and it's quite possible they were doing everything they were supposed to do and it just didn't seem like they were because I was so desperate to breath that I couldn't help feeling that way.  I realize this - I just really needed to vent it all.

I've had to call 911 various times in my past due to asthma attacks and every time, the ambulance arrived quickly, acted quickly, gave me oxygen right away, took me to the hospital asap.  So I just don't get what they were doing yesterday.

Also, I'm extremely grateful that I had the brains to call 911 - my pattern has always been to avoid calling them at all costs until I knew I would absolutely die if I didn't.  I'm not sure why I have been this way except maybe that that's what my mother has always done, or because I didn't want to "waste their time" unless absolutely necessary, or I just didn't care about myself enough.  Or maybe all of that is why.

So all I know is that I am somehow alive today.

What scares me now, is that this could happen to me again at any time, any place, any day.  It has been easy with the fish allergy because I just had to avoid fish.  It would seem now I have to avoid sweating too much (until maybe the allergist can figure out what's going on), which is really impossible since it happens just when I make dinner, and not to mention summer is just about here.  I'm scared.

Not sure if anyone will read all of this since it's a pretty long post, but for those who do, thanks.


<3 M

I Feel Like Poo

I wish the doctors would do tons of tests on me so I could just know, once and for all, what the fuck is all wrong with me.

I have an appointment on the 23rd with an allergy specialist, so I guess he's gonna do a bunch of random tests to see what I might be allergic to.  I don't have high hopes for that though, not sure why.  This is why I wanna do an elimination diet in the new year so I can actually pinpoint what foods are having what effect on me.  I don't see any other way of figuring it out.

Then there's the whole iron thing.  I'm supposed to be taking three pills a day, each one at different times, and that's where I'm getting fucked up - it took me years to remember to take my meds everyday, and that was just once a day... and right now my schedule is completely fucked up so I'm confused as to when I should be taking them.  I only just got up an hour ago, I'm not even fully awake yet, I haven't taken any pills yet.  So I don't know when I'm supposed to be taking iron pill 2 and then iron pill 3.  I really hate when things are like this.

I don't have any energy :-(


<3 M 

Don't Drink The Wormwood!

I set the timer for three 15 minute intervals in a row: do you have any idea how much you can get accomplished in 15 minutes?  It's ridiculous.  I kept having to check the timer to see if it was broken because it seems like it should have gone off already.  Nope.  I got a lot more done than I set out to do because of this little trick - but more importantly, I got off my ass and started.  Fifteen minutes.  Mind you for more physical jobs like cleaning the apartment I think ten minutes may be a better idea, depending on my pain levels that day, because I found myself needing to sit around the ten minute mark.  But I pushed on I did!

Then I made myself a Swanson's microwave dinner and Mel came over.

And like the magi she is, she brought me frankincense and myrrh. This is the same friend whose handfasting I was at last Saturday, the one who was married by Santa :-D

I made a pot of wormwood tea.  Have you ever had wormwood tea?  It tastes like you're chewing aspirin.  No exaggeration. In fact, it's possibly worse than that. I got the stuff from Brian, who told me it was not possible to finish a whole cup of the stuff because of how nasty it tastes.  I had to test this theory, plus I wanted to see what effects it would have since it is well known for its ability to bring altered states and enhance the third eye etc. and since we were going to do readings, that would have been fitting. So we did our best to tolerate the horrific taste (with O.J. chasers).  I managed to finish half a cup, Mel was a real trooper and managed to finish all of hers.

The effects were good but not THAT good. Not good enough to repeat. I'll take my wormwood in incense form, thank you.

It was a nice, witchy night.

There's a story about her earrings that I find interesting:

Mel's step-mother gave her a pair of earrings that were owned by her sister.

The sister's name was Dana "Poppy" Pastori.  Poppy was her slave name.  She was planning to leave her bf/Master but I guess he didn't want to release her because instead, he strangled her and chopped her up into pieces which he then mummified and shoved into a box.

Her body was in that box for three years and then came Hurricane Katrina.  That's when her body was discovered.  He had kept her with him, even BROUGHT HER WITH HIM when he and his new gf moved.

Now he's in prison.

And her sister (Mel's step-mother) gave Mel the earrings that Dana had been wearing in that box the whole three years.  She told Mel she wanted her sister's spirit to "live with her."

So now Mel has these earrings...

Before mentioning any of this, Mel asked me to tell her what I felt from them (psychically).  That was on Saturday right before she was handfasted.  I felt nervous excitement.  Then I felt like the oxygen was cut off from my head and my ears started ringing.  So Mel then told me a bit about where they came from.

I held them again tonight, this time I felt like I was being pushed down and had a cutting pain in my arm right above the elbow.  Then Mel filled me in on a lot more of the details about these earrings.

I asked why her step-mother would want her sister's spirit to live with her rather than to move on - kinda weird don't ya think? But as the step-mother wished, Dana's spirit seems to now be hanging around Mel.  At least that's what she tells me.  But at least she's trying to help the woman move on, and I find it pretty cool that she seems to mainly be doing so in her dreams (yay dreams!).

Now there's a good lesson for all you Dom(me)s and Masters/Mistresses out there: if your slave wants to be released, it means s/he wants to end things, it does not mean you should go mental and pull an "if I can't have you, no one will" or something equally as psycho.

P.S. I love you Master! mwa!


<3 M

When I Wake Up, In My Make Up

Today is pretty much a write-off.  Not gonna get any of the things done that I wanted to.  But that's okay.  At least that's what I'm telling myself.  The world is not going to esplode or anything because I wasn't able to make the daily quota.  Gonna go to bed early, hopefully wake up with some energy and make up for today's idleness.

Brian came to visit me this morning.  It's good to have a reason to get out of bed.  We kind of messed up the bed a lot though :-p  He brought me coffee and carrot cake and love.  He tries to give me love even though I'm really hard to love when I am down in the dumps as I am.  He is awesome.

Then I went to the doctor's.  And on my way there it occurred to me that three months ago I took it upon myself to lower my dosage of Celexa from 30mg to 20mg.

I've been trying to decipher exactly why my depression right now is as strong as it is because it feels much worse than the usual onset of S.A.D. and my life situation is not that bad.  So I don't know why it took me so long to put two and two together.  My brain is annoying funny sometimes.

So I'm kinda hoping this is the reason for the depression and that once I go back to taking my old dosage I will start to improve.  Crossing my fingers on that one. Gonna start tomorrow.

P.S. I need a new webcam, the one I have is pretty much useless and I want to have Skype dates with Brian.  Please to point me in the direction of a decent, inexpensive cam?


<3 M

Ohio Dairy Farm Brutality

http://www.mfablog.org/2010/05/new-mfa-investigation-ohio-dairy-farm-brutality.html

No one likes hearing the truth, but if you're going to ignore it then what does that make you?




Love M

The Living Dead

(originally posted on trooth.info)

Stabbed Hero Dies As More Than 20 People Stroll Past Him



What is going on with society that we can stroll by a dead, bloody body and just keep on going? Is it fear of getting involved? Are they thinking 'well, someone else will take care of it'? Are they not observing their surroundings enough in order to take notice of a corpse? Or do we just not care? Take your pick - these are symptoms of a society in sore need to waking up.

We're afraid to get involved so we leave the job for someone else - but there is increasingly no one else willing to step up out of their cozy existence and get their hands dirty. We are so over-stimulated that we've just stopped paying attention: the media can take the credit for that one - rarely do we really observe what is around us in any way other than subliminally. Something tells me this same behaviour would not have gone on if it had been a puppy lying there in a pool of blood: people are becoming so dehumanized, exactly what Alex Jones was trying to convey with his ipad torture experiment. Our eyes are open but our minds are sound asleep - we're sleep walking ourselves into one hell of a living nightmare.

Observe. Describe. Participate.


Love M

You Love My Hair

I feel like crap.   Like I just want to shed a few layers of filth, pain or whatever it is weighing me down right now.  I'm just so tired.  I'm also disgruntled at the moment because people fucking suck.  By people, I mean the men I bring into my life - why do they all despise me so?   I'm sure it's my own fault, but it's ridiculous.  If you don't like me, JUST FUCKING SAY SO - don't play games with me; don't brush me off and then find me when your dick gets hard or when you're bored, BE A FUCKING MAN.  I know, apparently I have a tattoo on my forehead that says 'slut' or 'no I don't mind being walked all over' - or at least that's what men like to think.  I'm so tired of being treated like less than human and I'm tired of writing in this thing about it because I'm not a man hater damnit, I'm just a magnet for getting hurt or something.  And I'm pissed off because I was blown off by a friend yesterday and he doesn't seem to register that fact... oh I'm a perpetual machine of forgiveness and gullibility.

St. Patrick's day was interesting: went to open mic night at the doors.  It was ok.  Some guy was stalking me around the bar continually demanding that I come home with him to fuck - I think the poor guy needs professional help but I didn't appreciate the boob grabbing and whipping out of the dick... I'm sure he went home alone.   I had my first green beer, watched some of the game on the big screen telly, ran into someone I haven't seen in over a year, made out with a hot chick who had really tasty lip gloss on, got about a million compliments on the awesomeness that is my hair, and ultimately met someone at the very end of the night who I hope is interested and doesn't turn out to be like every other fucking guy I meet.  I guess I'll find out...

For the very few hours I was awake yesterday, I threw together this video about nothing for the purposes of practice and getting used to the camera, etc.  I know I'm not photogenic at all but oh well.  I really am a camwhore at heart....



Until next time, be good and be nice!  (And thanks for letting me complain).

Love M

Too Tired To Title

I. am. exhausted.

I totally lost it this weekend - something in me decided I didn't wanna deal with the pain I was going through (being reject #539 'er something) and so I didn't: instead, I pulled an old favourite and got myself and nice and wasted at around three in the afternoon on Saturday.  Being drunk and angry just feels so much better than sober and pathetic and in too much pain to be conscious.  I was quite trashed and decided I had to get out of the apartment, so, feeling nice and self-destructive, I narrowed my options and decided to head to Corktown to see Randy and Mr. Lahey (from the Trailer Park Boys).  So I wobbled over there, flask full of whiskey hidden in my purse (and bottle of Ativan just in case?) and actually had a pretty good time - the show was funny and as drunk as I was, I remember some of it - even standing with the rest of the patrons to sing 'Oh, Canada' after the 'boys' poked fun at those silly people requesting the lyric change (it's not hard to feel at least a little patriotic after those beautiful Olympic games).

Anyway, after that a few guys I know from a band got up and played a set with a new band they're in (Radio Free Universe: members include fellas from Bombshell and the guy from King Clansey) so that was okay.  Then closing time.  That's where things got ridiculous.

Some dude asked if he could share the cab with me cause he lives just a few blocks from where I'm going so I said sure why not.  That was a really stupid move apparently because all he did was get out of the cab at the same place as me and followed me into my fucking apartment building.  So I was fucking stuck in my apartment lobby with this really creepy guy who wanted to come to my apartment with me and kept calling me a bitch cause I was saying 'no, leave' meanwhile trying to grope and kiss me.  Then he drags me on the elevator! so I obviously refused to press any buttons cause I didn't want him knowing where I live (obviously).  After I don't know how long (and after flashing me in said elevator) he got fed up with the elevator business and tried pulling me into a stairwell.  But as wasted as I was, I was able to fight (thank gods).  Oh did I mention he grabbed my keys from me and wouldn't give them back?

Finally after about an hour of this torture he left and I booted my ass up to my apartment and locked the doors.

The next day was a hang-over and that same yuckiness that was intolerable the day before, except this time no drinky poo (as Mr. Lahey would put it).  I slept a good chunk of it away, then later on dealt with some unpleasantness and shed the damn tears I was trying so hard to avoid in the first place.  What a train wreck.  I'm pretty sure anyone talking to me lately thinks I'm a nut bag unless of course you already know me, then you already know I'm a nut bag.  Well, at least I learn from it all, that's something.

So after little to no sleep last night I had to get up early for an assessment to get into the eating disorders clinic here in Hamilton.  I pressed snooze at least ten times and felt like pure shit.  The assessment consisted of me sitting in this psychiatrist lady's office while she asked me about everything from my childhood to my suicidal tendencies and everything in between for about two and a half hours.  By the time we were done, I was completely drained and a little depressed because I had just talked about my life for two and a half hours and it was all really shitty stuff so it made me feel like I've had a really negative life.

As much as my apartment needs to be cleaned and that article needs to be written for Buttercup, there was no way.  I slept pretty much all day and it was very much needed.  And this is a big chunk of why I. am. exhausted.  No wonder it feels alien when I tell people my age cause I sure feel like I've been stuck at 13 forever.  I am so jealous of people who know how to live and people who know how not to fuck shit up and people who are reading this blog feeling sorry for me because they can't imagine being so miserably stupid.  And now I'm starting to make myself sick with my whining so I'll move on.

I do have some positive things to talk about.  I got a guitar!  Sean brought it over about a half hour ago and I've decided to relearn.  Yay!  Maybe when I'm 40 I'll be a rock star ;o)  I don't know how to read music - I learn by watching and listening because of course I like to do things the hard way.  I used to know so many freaking songs - I knew almost every Hole song too!  Damnit I wish I could remember.

What else, I needs monies.  I'm usually good with monies but I'm so tight this month and it's a really bad month to be broke cause I have two writer's meetings and a few shows I just have to go to.  Thursday I'm heading to 'This Ain't Hollywood'  to see '13 Bags of Dick' and 'Allysa In The Apple Tree.'  On the 20th I'm going to see 'Steel Mountie' at 'Bread And Roses.'   'Rackula' is having a CD release at the 'Casbah' on the 27th and I think that's it (I hope so cause I have no money! Please donate - I will show you my bra strap [no, I am not kidding]).  I need to do my damn taxes.

Alright, here's hoping for better days ahead.

xoxoxo




Love M

Hey! I'm Blogging Here!

Meh I just feel like writing random things.  I'm having kind of a blah Friday night here with George (actually, it's just me, George is too cool to hang out with me so he's chillin' on the bed).  Listening to the few tracks available right now by Evelyn Evelyn.  Watched 'Capturing The Friedmans' whilst working on an art piece (believe it or not, inspired by Mr. Picasso, even though the actual piece really has nothing to do with him or his work... figure that one out... I haz artistic license bitches).  Bob Dylan's on now.

I'm simultaneously gathering video, audio, and images of the good doctor (Hunter S. Thompson, of course) to put on a disc for future enjoyment.  I just don't get tired of that man and his genius.  He really is beyond fascination and more closely definable in spiritual terms... a deity... more important than sliced bread.  Or maybe this is just the fixative fumes talking - they're pretty strong.  The can says not to smoke...

I wish I had bought that bottle of wine after all.

Know what's ridiculous?  The fact that the majority of us westerners live in perpetual preparation for the future, whether it be the next half hour from now, the next month, the next decade, doesn't matter, it's what we do.  And we do this until we die, which means we've never really lived because we were too busy preparing.  And the really dumb part about that is we're not psychic, we don't know exactly what is going to happen in the future and we all know that plans never go the way they're "supposed" to.  What is the point of that?  We live in anxiety, the giant 'to-do' lists dangling above our heads, telling us we'd better not (Steve Sinnicks now) waste any time because we have to get these things done first and then we can enjoy ourselves... lmfao I don't know about you, but I've never not had a to-do list. Sure I get stuff done - but more stuff comes up to replace that stuff I just did and there are always things on that list that sit there FOREVER, taunting me, making me feel bad, lingering at the back of my mind when I'm trying to sleep at night and meanwhile I'm wondering why in the world I have insomnia or why in the world I'm so tense.

Instead of wasting our very short lives worrying about what needs to be accomplished, we should be enjoying the fact that we're alive and actually LIVE. And sure, we can be a bit anal sometimes about getting stuff done, but I really think that should count for the minority of our time, not the majority.  While I'm aware, lovely readers, that I'm far from the first person to point this out (Courtney Love now), these thoughts have recently made their meaning much more relevant to me and they are not just an important philosophy to strive for, so much as a major key in having a reason to get up every morning (I'm the kind of person who needs life to be meaningful, and if there isn't a real meaningful purpose or reason to live, well, that's just fucking depressing.  I also know these thoughts cannot really be stated enough, we all need reminders.

Of course, all of this makes much more sense within a Buddhist, dialectic context: namely mindfulness. Okay, /super enlightening speil... now.

What else is on my mind as of late... men.  I'm sure I'm going to get myself into trouble for something I'm about to say, but don't I always?  I am, after all, the queen of inappropriateness (note the ego).

I've been really pissed at the male species these days because it seems to me, at least in my experiences, that men have the ability to find extra special ways of being douchebags.  And I love men, I love men very much, and I'm not the type of person to typecast a whole group based on the behaviour of a few, but I am batting like, 99/100 here people. It definitely boggles my mind. (hey! fuck you Alexis On Fire! They only have samples on their MySpace page, pffft. Just kidding, love you George! But I'm putting on Sarah Blackwood now...) So anyway, I'm a big fat sucker.  I get stung by men over and over and yet I keep coming back for more.  Okay, maybe I am at least a little bit masochistic, but my tendencies usually go more along the lines of having my nipples pinched, not being lied to, used, blown off, etc.etc.

The only conclusions I've been able to come to are:

1. Men truly are so completely different than women, at least in the way they communicate, act, and often times think.  Duh, we all know that right?
2. Men aren't nearly as brave as we think they are - muscle does not equal heart of steel and so they have many fears and anxieties (just like we do) which seem to be expressed in ways that tend to piss women off.
3. Why? Well I'm assuming it's because society conditions them to "be men" and not show fear.  They're not encouraged to express themselves so how can we expect them to be able to?  I'm not saying they're cavemen who can't communicate, I'm just saying that they're more likely to shut down or fly the coop if fear or difficulty arises.

On the other hand, there does seem to be a plethora of men out there who actually ARE fucking jerks.  I hate to say it, but most of my friends are male and most of them are the ones confirming this conclusion.  Like, lying to someone to get them into bed?  Yeah, that's a jerk thing to do. Fucking jerk.

This line of thought doesn't really have a point, mostly because I have no idea what the moral of the story is, or how one can avoid the jerks or how men can all of the sudden learn to express themselves in healthy ways.  I would like to add, however, that I'm fully aware that us women are nuts as well, we're just nuts in completely different ways then men... both sexes are fucked in our own special ways.  But if you're a guy and  you're reading this, what the hell man?  what the hell...

P.S. I think there should be a 'Thank You' card or something like that for really really good oral sex.



Love M

K, Tell Me What To Say Next

Yeah I kinda felt like writing a post orgasmic blog entry - what can I say? My mind is clear at the moment. Who, reading this blog right now, thinks my previous sentence was inappropriate, gross, perverted, tmi, or anything along those lines?  Is that something any decent human being would say out loud for anyone to hear or read?  If you are a man reading this, do you imagine me to be easy, maybe slutty, something like that? Not the kind of girl you would take home to mom?  Girls, is that something you would ever share?  These questions aren't rhetorical, I'd love to hear feedback on this because I'm continually perplexed about how people make their judgments and what society in general deems 'normal' or 'decent'.

Women, for one thing, fit into two categories for your convenience: I am either a madonna or I'm a whore.  A madonna-kinda gal would never have such sexual thoughts or feelings and wouldn't show an inch of cleavage let alone talk about her desires.  But the whore, she'll give it up to anyone, any place - she wants you to see her as purely sexual, without brains, dumbed down for your convenience and she has no shame so she doesn't care who knows it. I liken this to the belief in good and evil, of God and the Devil (I'm sure this will offend some but I'm also sure I've already accomplished that so I'll proceed) - Believing in an absolute anything such as a being that is solely 'good' and a separate being that is solely 'bad' is no different than calling a rainstorm 'all bad' or... I'm currently unable to think of an 'all good' example that is simple enough to use but the rainstorm will suffice because we all know that rain serves its purpose and without it there would be problems, but we also know that storms can be dangerous, they can start fires, etc.  I think it's safe to say that it's impossible to label anything as 'good' or 'bad' because nature (the world) doesn't work that way.

Nothing exists in the world that is absolutely positive or absolutely negative, nature is balanced and it's pretty cool.  To believe in an 'all good' God and an 'all bad' Devil is to go against nature and that wouldn't make much sense now, would it?  And doesn't it say somewhere in one of those bibles that God created man/the world in his (ha!) own image?  If that were the case, not only would God have to possess some 'evil' by default, but would he not also be a hermaphrodite?  Anyway, you get my point, I hope.

Following this logic, can any one woman fulfill the madonna role or the whore role?  Think about that when you make your judgments.  And also think about which ideal you'd prefer: do you want to marry the madonna?  The one you can take home to mom, the one who will be saintly and behave herself and be proper and of course sleep in a separate bed... or do you want to marry the whore, the one who you need to hide from decent eyes but who will make life pretty fun and exciting, and will be up for a lot of fun in the sack...?  Obviously you can't choose just one because to have one without aspects of the other leaves the person lacking what you need in a partner.  I'm not saying there are no people out there who take on way more of the 'whore' role than the 'madonna' role and vice versa, I'm just saying that the more realistic version of a woman (or man!) is a healthy mixture of the two: a gal you can have an intelligent conversation with, who can meet the parents, and who can also make you roll your eyes to the back of your head. People jump to judgments quite naturally - it's what you do with them that matters: society does not make up the rules of your personal belief system and if it does, that is sad.  No one is stopping you from being aware (or are they?).

And while I'm on this train of thinking, I'd like to add FAT DOES NOT EQUAL UGLY.  "Nothing's either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" and if society/the media has brainwashed you into being repulsed by someone who takes up a little more space than you do, you might want to rethink the reasons why you react that way.  Fat person gross, Iranian person terrorist, lawyer crook, black person thief, southern person stupid, blond person bimbo... yeah.  It's that whole absolutes thing again, there's no. such. thing.

Coming full circle, I'll conclude that as a writer and a female (who grew up going to Catholic school) I've always struggled with censoring myself when it comes to what I can or cannot say - always resisting the urge to go a little further (not to push any envelope, but because it's what my muse is insisting) because of the whole 'what WILL they think!?' thought in the back of my mind.  I don't want to do that.  I don't want to be fake, I don't want to suppress myself, I don't want to go half-ass (especially with something as important to me as writing), I don't want to live my life according to what others expect of me or what others feel comfortable with.  So, if  I make you uncomfortable or if I evoke any strong judgments in you, I only ask that you take a moment to consider why you have these kind of reactions.

"I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be."  --Bob Dylan


Love M.

Holy Fuck Nuts!

All my life I've had a deadly allergy to all seafood and fish, therefore, in the twenty seven years I've been on this earth, I've never tried any type seafood or fish - nothing.

When I was a kid I was allergic to all nuts, but it wasn't a deathly allergy.  Eventually I was able to eat almonds, and then eventually I was able to eat all nuts - the allergy went away.

So, logically it made sense to me that if my nut allergy could go away, perhaps my seafood allergy could as well.  I didn't have high hopes for it though, because I figured if an allergy is strong enough to kill you, it's around to stay.

After too many years of procrastinating, I set up an appointment with an allergy specialist to see what was what.  I just got home from that appointment and here's what happened:

He asked me a bunch of weird questions, then pricked both my arms with various pricky thingies.  After a few minutes, my left arm started to get itchy and red bumps where I got pricked.  My right arm had no reaction.

Then he told me that my left arm was fish (like halibut, sole, trout, etc.) and my right arm was shellfish (shrimp, lobster, crab, etc.).  He also told me that I was never allergic to shellfish in the first place, EVAR.  Just the regular fish.  He said I can eat all the shellfish I want and not have a problem (and always could).

That's fucked!

I've never, in twenty seven years, tasted any type of seafood.  I have NO idea what it tastes like.  I've asked people to try to explain it to me so many times but they never could.  It's been hard not being able to eat something that most other people eat all the time - missing out on something like that sucks.

I'm kind of pissed off that I was misinformed for all these years, but I guess mistakes happen.  Anyway, this feels really weird to me, the fact that I could eat some shrimp right now, that I can do that O_O

I feel like a virgin about to be deflowered! LOL - srsly!  What the hell do I try first?  How do you cook this stuff?  Eeeee!

On another allergy note, since I was a kid I've had an allergic reaction to dark chicken.  Just dark chicken, never white chicken.  When I eat dark chicken, my throat and mouth get really itchy and swell up - it's uncomfortable but not deadly.  My parents thought I was making it up to get out of eating my food, but I sure as hell wasn't.

The only thing that made sense to me is that dark meat has way more fat in it than white meat, so perhaps it's something in the aminos or whatever it's all called.

The allergy specialist confirmed that there is no such thing as an allergy to just dark meat and not white meat.  So now I'm extremely confused because there's no doubt about it, I'm allergic to dark chicken!  Maybe it's just another weird fact about the oddity that is Marylin.

Stay tuned for my take on what it's like to try all the different shellfish for the first time - I'm excited!  What do you think I should try first?

Yay!



Love M

Hey Obama! This Is The Real Pandemic

Well I just posted about this on Buttercup, but it pissed me off too much not to blog about.

• In a study of 4th-grade girls, 90% were on some type of diet.

This is what I know: 4th grade girls are about nine years old; they are generally prepubescent; they have A CRAP TON of growing left to do (women don't stop growing till late in their teens), and in order to properly develop, you need proper nutrition.

Just touching on the physical part of this, diets are about rules and restriction, usually excluding one kind of food or another or trying to eat a lower number of calories and/or fat. What do you think this would do to a child's growth? Kids need all kinds of food and plenty of it - they need their carbs, their fats, their proteins, their vitamins and minerals and yes, even their ice cream cones. Their bodies need it, so I am afraid to even ponder the repercussions of this sad statistic.
If you think I'm nuts and it's perfectly fine for a child to diet, then check this stat:

• In 1992, the National Institutes of Health held investigatory hearings and concluded that diets do not work and may even be dangerous to one's health.

Now let's move onto the psychological implications. These girls are dieting for a reason, the reason could be that their parents put her on this diet, or maybe she's just copying what her mother does (as kids tend to do), maybe she feels fat, ugly, not up to par with whatever ideal nine year old girls look up to today (I shudder to think). Whatever the case, some of these children are not happy with their bodies and some will end up being unhappy with their bodies if they stay on this track. I don't know about you, but when I was a wee girl I didn't really think about my body in any terms besides 'this is my body and it does stuff.' I never looked at it, or parts of it, and felt a need to change it. For most healthy children, I think that's the case - we have no reason to start comparing shapes and sizes as long as we can run and jump and skip and enjoy being nine.

These poor girls don't stand a chance. I'm sorry, but how healthy can a child's self-esteem be if they are dieting? It's a hard, long road ahead for a girl who has the misfortune of being uncomfortable in her own skin before she's even had a chance to fill it out.

What this says about our society is literally deafening because people sure aren't hearing a damn thing. Kids should be busy being kids and not worrying about diets. Considering how mentally trying the diet game is (and if you've been there you know what I'm talking about), imagine what it does to a nine year old girl.

Alright, so who's going to fork up the money to pay for all the therapy these children will need when they get older?

1.2% of people in America with H1N1 have died.

18-20% (roughly) of people with eating disorders die. Where's the state of emergency for this pandemic? Srsly.


Love M

The Popcorn Was Good

Went and saw 'Angels & Demons' with Jodie tonight: the verdict? It was just as good/bad as 'The Da Vinci Code' was, a.k.a. it was better than a kick in the head.

Going to see a movie can be fun, but I rarely ever do. Why? Most movies that are played in theaters where I live aren't worth the trouble. If I want to see them bad enough, I'll wait and pirate the damn thing. Arrrrr! I was going to say, 'most movies they play in theaters (period) aren't worth the trouble' but Jodie says apparently they do have worthy movies played in other cities, like Toronto, for instance. Well I never go to Toronto so that sucks for me.

But as I was saying, most new movies (ahem Hollywood) are what I like to call "distraction movies." They serve the purpose of numbing my mind when I need to stop thinking and relax and forget my troubles and be distracted from life. They also sometimes provide laughs as a bonus.

I don't understand the industry, I just don't. They're remaking 'Melrose Place'? WTF is what I have to say to that. Why do they keep remaking everything! It always makes me feel bad for those ideas that are pushed aside in lieu of what's 'hot' - a real artist put work into something original and new, and we get to see a cast of bad actors in a t.v. show that is better off left alone... to live peacefully in film heaven, where bad shows/movies go to die.

So I pay for cable and rarely change the channel - it's almost exclusively on channel 44 - Comedy Central. I put it on for distraction and because 90% of what's on t.v. is just. so. sad. And I'm not talking depressing.

And I've been twiddling my thumbs for over a year waiting for 'The Rum Diary' and 'Dali & I: The Surreal Story' to come out. Those are the only two movies I'm whole-heartedly eager to hand over cash to see on the big screen. They're both supposed to come out this year, but who knows. I know that 'The Rum Diary' is in production only because I've seen pictures of Johnny Depp on set. As for the Dali film, I've heard squat.

Realistically, if these two films end up being GOOD, they will likely end up going straight to DVD *shakes head*

In the meantime, I think I'll save my money and stay home.

-Love Marylin

A Flu By Any Other Name

You know it's the "end of the world" when pigs fly.

The World Health Organization has declared ‘a public health emergency of international concern,’ defined by them as ‘an occurrence or imminent threat of illness or health conditions caused by bioterrorism, epidemic or pandemic disease, or highly fatal infectious agents or toxins that pose serious risk to a significant number of people.’

Known to you and I as Swine Flu.

Now they're having us call it H1N1 because people weren't buying pork due to fear of becoming infected.

But it's too late to erase the damage that the name 'Swine Flu' has begun to inflict on the pork industry: the name 'Swine Flu' has become too common, too catchy, for H1N1 to replace it.

The US agriculture secretary has only just initiated the name change. Could they not have foreseen that a "pandemic" called 'Swine Flu' would cause issues for the pork industry? Of course they did. Now they're saying, "oops, ok, call it this now" but they know they've already planted the seed.

And if they wanted to make it clear that this flu isn't pig-related, why are some farms being quarantined?

So what motivations could there possibly be for putting the pork industry at risk?

Well, for those of you who don't know, the Rockerfeller funded, Monsanto, has been trying to get a patent on the pig. Yep. They want to officially own the species, this is the future.

This would mean big money for Monsanto, with which the US government has many connections, which equals big profit for members of government, thus motivation to destroy the pork industry.

In comes Monsanto to save the day. Now their attempts to patent the pig are what saves the industry, rather than destroys it.

Why would the government allow anyone to become ill or die though? The government wouldn't do that.

Well this isn't the first time they've tried to instill fear into people to achieve their own ends - they love their fear tactics.

So many possibilities... how easy would it be to pin this on terrorists? It's a perfect plan all around. More fear of terrorists means more war. The war is a cash cow as well as a great way to keep citizens under control by making them afraid and then coming in to "save the day."

Well that's not all ladies and gentlemen: don't forget about the pharmaceutical companies ginormous profit from the cure for this horrible, deadly swine flu. And if I know people, I know that most of them are going to be jumping on that vaccine bandwagon, the same way they line up every flu season for their annual flu shot.

Which wouldn't be so bad if the vaccine, Tamiflu, didn't have horrific effects - please watch this video and for the love of god, do not take Tamiflu! Especially anyone under the age of 19.

I'm not even going to go into why they would want to give the public such a dangerous drug, the information I'm talking about is already over-whelming to those who haven't done their research (or didn't know there was ever a reason to).

Listen, if I die from swine flu, then you can take the damn vaccine and say "I told you so."

This was written in a hurry because I wanted to get it out there (I didn't have to do any research before realizing the connections and it was making me too sick to my stomach to not say anything) and I'm sure it's not the only piece talking about these same issues. So forgive me for not providing more research to back all this up. I urge anyone reading this to add to it by leaving more information, links, etc. in the comments.

If you think I'm a nut-job, please prove me wrong and research for yourself, the more you research, the better.

I'd like to build on this, so again, if I've missed important facts (which I'm sure I did) or you think some other points should be made, leave a comment.

-Love Marylin

Bleeding Makes Me Tired

I have not had coffee in the apartment for days. I don't know why I let myself run out but I do and am forced to get out of bed and not have hot caffeine goodness to seduce me into staying out of bed.

So at the Think Haus (previously Hamilton Hackers but the name was changed and I hate the new name but what can ya do when you live in a shoe?) I excitedly helped myself to two lovely cups of the deliciousness. Awwww yeah.

It was a good meeting, a possible location has been found and will be checked out soon. It's very cool and because of the size, there are so many possibilities. What would you do if you had thousands of square feet at your disposal? Exactly.

Umm I'm tired. No coffee and this happens to be my week... my week to sleep... that week.

I have to read a crap-load of stuff still and give my feedback. I have to... oh guess what...

ODSP is giving me transportation to the local YWCA. I can go fifteen times a month (about 2x/week) so that's awesome. I'm gonna swim and do weight training stuff. So that's good news.

I don't wanna jinx it, but there's a real possibility that the new increase in my meds is doing something good. I'm still miserable as fuck and scared shitless to make any promises to myself, but I have noticed an increase in energy and motivation/will. We shall see.

I've been having bad dreams though. I'd say for the past month now. Not really nightmares, but bad dreams. They all relate to fears I have in real life about abandonment and a certain person.

My living room is still in upheaval but I put all my most used/favourite art supplies right next to my desk so they're right there ready to go all the time, which makes my life easier because I need to make the art. I needs to.



Oooh marylin.ca is finally pointing to the right server! FINALLY!!! So I'm gonna be uploading the site within the next few days and my website will finally be back in action.

I hope the warm weather comes and stays very soon cause I have a summer plan. Well, not really a plan so much as an agenda of sorts. It involves a backpack, an mp3 player, a camera, a notebook, a sketchbook, a bus pass, and a comfy pair of shoes among other things. Pretty self-explanatory.

Bah, I'm grumpy. and this blog post sucks.

P.S. Downtown Hamilton does not have a cafe. WTF?


-Love Marylin

It Really Is Gross

First 'what the fuck' of the day is my continual shock at how people can be so two faced and get away with it. I think it keeps surprising me because I always want to believe the best of people. The verdict is still out on whether or not that makes me the idiot, or them.

This chick I know, we'll call her S, (who just might be crazier than I am), is now all buddy-buddy best friends forever with this other chick I know, who we will call J, when just a few weeks ago, S was totally bad-mouthing J and saying she would never be friends with her because yada yada yada (basically a bunch of stuff that she now apparently doesn't care about). Not only that, but J wasn't too keen on S either.

Why does it bother me enough to be writing about it in my blog? Maybe because I know that S is and has deceived a lot of people under the guise of genuine love and healing and to my knowledge, no one has ever called her out on it. I don't think she's ever really had to face the consequences of her actions and I guess I'm saying that's bullshit. And I was a victim as well.

Maybe it's hard to react to - how do you deal with someone who seems to be the epitome of passive-aggression? My only hope is that karma will straighten things out.

Most of my friends are men, and for a very good reason - girls suck. Girls can't co-exist without bullshit ensuing. But I'd been missing having a gal-pal to talk to - talking exclusively to men about my problems was starting to fuck me up lol. So I thought I'd open myself up to girlfriends again, which was wonderful until heads began to double and I was once again reminded why there aren't many girls in my life.

I don't get it. THIS is what's keeping us from running the world, ladies. Save the drama for your mama.

Anywho, I'm not writing off females again, I'm just gonna be a lot more careful from now on and especially avoid situations where there are too many vajajays (that one's just for you Sunny) in the same room.

Speaking of Sunny - she's a girl. She's awesome. Hopefully I will find more where she came from as far as gals go. I'm too naive for this society damnit.

Anyway, just remember that if you care at all about having any class, lop off that second face right now and bury it deep in the ground because, in the words of Bob Saget, "that shit ain't right."

Oh lordy, who will censor the censors?


-Love Marylin.