This song seems to do a good job of straightening out my thinking:
<3 M
Showing posts with label movies and videos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies and videos. Show all posts
October 18, 2011
February 1, 2011
The Oscar Goes To...
Today is lazy day here: I planned to do a butt-load of laundry amongst other things but it seems I have done only the minimum amount of required work and have spent most of the day doing stuff online
Last week I woke up in the middle of a revolution in Egypt. It reminded me a lot of how I felt when I slept in on 9/11/01: I woke up all groggy to people panicking and just assumed it was some kind of joke or that my friend was over-reacting to something. I felt outta the loop.
In this case, because I have woken up a lot since then, the more I heard/read/watched, the more enraged I became at the stupidity of government. It never surprises me, never fails to.. well, fail. But I am extremely happy for and proud of the people of Egypt and hope they serve as an example that change IS possible, no matter how impossible it may seem.
Sigh. Anyway...
I had an awesome weekend with Brian and Drew: we played games, had yummy snacks, watched lots of Simpsons, and cleaned some messy bedrooms. Lots of fun, still a little sore from piggy-back rides but I'll survive ;-)
This is Drew's impression of the ridiculous viral video 'Sittin' On Da Toilet' - She is too cute.
In other news, I've been pondering what might go on in people's heads when they choose to make things controversial, ultimately making their own lives difficult. When you treat a person like garbage and THEY end up extending their forgiveness to YOU, you would think the person would at least take that opportunity to leave the past in the past. Apparently this is not logical for some people. I guess this person wants to feel awkward and uncomfortable... seems a shame really, but not my problem anymore. If you're going to be hanging out where I am hanging out and interacting with my friends you are not going to be able to avoid me, sorry.
Such is life.
And life is absolutely grand! :-)
Love M
Last week I woke up in the middle of a revolution in Egypt. It reminded me a lot of how I felt when I slept in on 9/11/01: I woke up all groggy to people panicking and just assumed it was some kind of joke or that my friend was over-reacting to something. I felt outta the loop.
In this case, because I have woken up a lot since then, the more I heard/read/watched, the more enraged I became at the stupidity of government. It never surprises me, never fails to.. well, fail. But I am extremely happy for and proud of the people of Egypt and hope they serve as an example that change IS possible, no matter how impossible it may seem.
Sigh. Anyway...
I had an awesome weekend with Brian and Drew: we played games, had yummy snacks, watched lots of Simpsons, and cleaned some messy bedrooms. Lots of fun, still a little sore from piggy-back rides but I'll survive ;-)
This is Drew's impression of the ridiculous viral video 'Sittin' On Da Toilet' - She is too cute.
Such is life.
And life is absolutely grand! :-)
Love M
May 28, 2010
May 27, 2010
Ohio Dairy Farm Brutality
http://www.mfablog.org/2010/05/new-mfa-investigation-ohio-dairy-farm-brutality.html
No one likes hearing the truth, but if you're going to ignore it then what does that make you?
Love M
No one likes hearing the truth, but if you're going to ignore it then what does that make you?
Love M
April 25, 2010
The Living Dead
(originally posted on trooth.info)
Stabbed Hero Dies As More Than 20 People Stroll Past Him
What is going on with society that we can stroll by a dead, bloody body and just keep on going? Is it fear of getting involved? Are they thinking 'well, someone else will take care of it'? Are they not observing their surroundings enough in order to take notice of a corpse? Or do we just not care? Take your pick - these are symptoms of a society in sore need to waking up.
We're afraid to get involved so we leave the job for someone else - but there is increasingly no one else willing to step up out of their cozy existence and get their hands dirty. We are so over-stimulated that we've just stopped paying attention: the media can take the credit for that one - rarely do we really observe what is around us in any way other than subliminally. Something tells me this same behaviour would not have gone on if it had been a puppy lying there in a pool of blood: people are becoming so dehumanized, exactly what Alex Jones was trying to convey with his ipad torture experiment. Our eyes are open but our minds are sound asleep - we're sleep walking ourselves into one hell of a living nightmare.
Observe. Describe. Participate.
Love M
Stabbed Hero Dies As More Than 20 People Stroll Past Him
What is going on with society that we can stroll by a dead, bloody body and just keep on going? Is it fear of getting involved? Are they thinking 'well, someone else will take care of it'? Are they not observing their surroundings enough in order to take notice of a corpse? Or do we just not care? Take your pick - these are symptoms of a society in sore need to waking up.
We're afraid to get involved so we leave the job for someone else - but there is increasingly no one else willing to step up out of their cozy existence and get their hands dirty. We are so over-stimulated that we've just stopped paying attention: the media can take the credit for that one - rarely do we really observe what is around us in any way other than subliminally. Something tells me this same behaviour would not have gone on if it had been a puppy lying there in a pool of blood: people are becoming so dehumanized, exactly what Alex Jones was trying to convey with his ipad torture experiment. Our eyes are open but our minds are sound asleep - we're sleep walking ourselves into one hell of a living nightmare.
Observe. Describe. Participate.
Love M
April 21, 2010
I Can Haz Chocolate?
I figure it's time for some sort of update as I haven't posted in a while. My mood's been low but I'm still kicking. I went through a couple of bad dating experiences in the last few months and it just deflated me. I don't handle pain well, ya see. Then again, who does? Right now I'm just trying to bring myself back up - I have absolutely no energy for most things and I just wanna go to bed. A couple of other really hard things have come up now too and my emotions are very confused and fragile because of it. So if anyone wonders why I've been acting crazier than usual, or why I'm doing fuck-all, now you know and hopefully forgive me. If you read this blog and wonder if the girl called 'Marylin' is ever actually happy, the answer is 'yes, yes she is.' It is only the fact that I do a lot of my blogging when I'm feeling down because I find it extremely healing - that is why this place paints such an angsty picture.
Now that that's out of the way... let's see what I wanna talk about.
Last Friday I went to two interesting stores with Jodie and Mike: first, Ways To Wisdom, which I've been to before, then, a Catholic supply store that I forget the name of down in the east end, which I've never been to.
Ways To Wisdom is a fun store if you're into spirituality and occult-type stuff, which I am. Aside from the ridiculously high prices, it's a great store - a lot of interesting books on varying topics and any kind of thing you might want, from herbs and candles, to jewelery and oracle cards. I found a beautiful set of cards but too much moola. Anyway, it was fun times.
Then to the Catholic supply store. This is a store that sells... well, Catholic stuff. Books, bibles, rosaries, pictures of Jesus, crucifixes, candles, economy packs of the communion host, and priest's robes. Not remembering where I was, the first thing I did when I walked in the door upon seeing a ginormous poster of Jesus's face was exclaim "holy mary mother of god!!!" This set the tone for the experience. The store clerk proceeded to administer dirty looks as we browsed and asked questions regarding each of our standing in the Catholic church. The judgmental tone did not go unnoticed when asked what church I go to. I nervously responded, feeling like no time had passed by since I was a kid being taught to be very very afraid and very very ashamed by the very adults meant to shape my mind for the future. Why the need to feel guilty for just standing there, examining merchandise? No need, just the natural way of things I suppose: the church can have a strong hold on a person, most especially those who grew up in it. My fifty-something year old father is still strongly affected by his attendance at Catholic elementary school - I've only been cut loose for a decade and a half.
I walked out of that store and noticed I was holding my breath. Wow. That is what I call powerful black magic. I found the experience of both stores interesting to in comparison and thought I'd share. I'm not saying any one spiritual path is better or worse than another, I'm just speaking my own experience. Though I will openly admit I am vehemently against organized religion that uses guilt and fear and any other cult-like device to keep its followers in control - I consider that a form of harm and therefore, bad karma. Not to mention it does nothing to allow for real spiritual growth. For me, I don't do religion, and this is just me, I'm not against religion per say (sp?), but I'm personally unable to fit inside a box. I'm spiritual, and that is good enough for me. I could talk on this subject forever so I'll move on.
I'll move on to somewhat political things... I guess I'm in the mood to discuss the un-discussable topics.
I don't know how many of you have noticed, but the world is going to 'hell in a handbag' at incredible speed these days. If you're keeping up with the goings-on of the world, you might have noticed things are pretty bad and getting worse. Some people wonder why I talk about conspiracies, thinking I'm a nut or something, but what I talk about is what I see and hear right in front of my face: I read the and watch various news sources, I learn about the history of what is going on, the history of war, the history of politics and religion and whatever else will help make sense of current affairs, I listen to the words and watch the actions of those in power and I feel the need to speak out about it, because I care.
What I don't understand are people who think that everything anti-establishment or anti-government is either conspiracy theory craziness or some sort of anarchy. This doesn't make sense. This is no different then a "conspiracy nut" who thinks that every single thing is a conspiracy. Different sides of the same coin. Either of these cases are ones in which the person is not being objective and if you can't be objective, you're not really going to find out the truth. It's the same as science: if you're only hoping for one conclusion in an experiment then you are likely to either ignore any result that does not fit your expectations or you're likely to steer the variables in the direction of your bias. It's just bad science.
Here is what I hope people will do: read it anyway. Even if you think something is ridiculous or the opinion of some nut-job, read it/watch it anyway. And don't discount everything that is not the 'norm' just because you disagree with some things that are not popular opinion. Opening yourself up to all view points makes for a much stronger knowledge base to go on. Don't stop learning. Be careful not to discount something just because it seems outrageous. Outrageous things do happen. Look at our history and you can plainly see that. I believe it was Galileo who was tried by the Inquisition, found "vehemently suspect of heresy," forced to recant, and spent the rest of his life under house arrest for suggesting that the earth was not the center of the universe. This is just a quick example but you get my drift.
And with that 'lecture' I will leave you with this bit of truth from an oldie but a goodie:
Okay and maybe a little George Carlin for good measure ;o)
Love M
Now that that's out of the way... let's see what I wanna talk about.
Last Friday I went to two interesting stores with Jodie and Mike: first, Ways To Wisdom, which I've been to before, then, a Catholic supply store that I forget the name of down in the east end, which I've never been to.
Ways To Wisdom is a fun store if you're into spirituality and occult-type stuff, which I am. Aside from the ridiculously high prices, it's a great store - a lot of interesting books on varying topics and any kind of thing you might want, from herbs and candles, to jewelery and oracle cards. I found a beautiful set of cards but too much moola. Anyway, it was fun times.
Then to the Catholic supply store. This is a store that sells... well, Catholic stuff. Books, bibles, rosaries, pictures of Jesus, crucifixes, candles, economy packs of the communion host, and priest's robes. Not remembering where I was, the first thing I did when I walked in the door upon seeing a ginormous poster of Jesus's face was exclaim "holy mary mother of god!!!" This set the tone for the experience. The store clerk proceeded to administer dirty looks as we browsed and asked questions regarding each of our standing in the Catholic church. The judgmental tone did not go unnoticed when asked what church I go to. I nervously responded, feeling like no time had passed by since I was a kid being taught to be very very afraid and very very ashamed by the very adults meant to shape my mind for the future. Why the need to feel guilty for just standing there, examining merchandise? No need, just the natural way of things I suppose: the church can have a strong hold on a person, most especially those who grew up in it. My fifty-something year old father is still strongly affected by his attendance at Catholic elementary school - I've only been cut loose for a decade and a half.
I walked out of that store and noticed I was holding my breath. Wow. That is what I call powerful black magic. I found the experience of both stores interesting to in comparison and thought I'd share. I'm not saying any one spiritual path is better or worse than another, I'm just speaking my own experience. Though I will openly admit I am vehemently against organized religion that uses guilt and fear and any other cult-like device to keep its followers in control - I consider that a form of harm and therefore, bad karma. Not to mention it does nothing to allow for real spiritual growth. For me, I don't do religion, and this is just me, I'm not against religion per say (sp?), but I'm personally unable to fit inside a box. I'm spiritual, and that is good enough for me. I could talk on this subject forever so I'll move on.
I'll move on to somewhat political things... I guess I'm in the mood to discuss the un-discussable topics.
I don't know how many of you have noticed, but the world is going to 'hell in a handbag' at incredible speed these days. If you're keeping up with the goings-on of the world, you might have noticed things are pretty bad and getting worse. Some people wonder why I talk about conspiracies, thinking I'm a nut or something, but what I talk about is what I see and hear right in front of my face: I read the and watch various news sources, I learn about the history of what is going on, the history of war, the history of politics and religion and whatever else will help make sense of current affairs, I listen to the words and watch the actions of those in power and I feel the need to speak out about it, because I care.
What I don't understand are people who think that everything anti-establishment or anti-government is either conspiracy theory craziness or some sort of anarchy. This doesn't make sense. This is no different then a "conspiracy nut" who thinks that every single thing is a conspiracy. Different sides of the same coin. Either of these cases are ones in which the person is not being objective and if you can't be objective, you're not really going to find out the truth. It's the same as science: if you're only hoping for one conclusion in an experiment then you are likely to either ignore any result that does not fit your expectations or you're likely to steer the variables in the direction of your bias. It's just bad science.
Here is what I hope people will do: read it anyway. Even if you think something is ridiculous or the opinion of some nut-job, read it/watch it anyway. And don't discount everything that is not the 'norm' just because you disagree with some things that are not popular opinion. Opening yourself up to all view points makes for a much stronger knowledge base to go on. Don't stop learning. Be careful not to discount something just because it seems outrageous. Outrageous things do happen. Look at our history and you can plainly see that. I believe it was Galileo who was tried by the Inquisition, found "vehemently suspect of heresy," forced to recant, and spent the rest of his life under house arrest for suggesting that the earth was not the center of the universe. This is just a quick example but you get my drift.
And with that 'lecture' I will leave you with this bit of truth from an oldie but a goodie:
Okay and maybe a little George Carlin for good measure ;o)
Love M
March 19, 2010
You Love My Hair
I feel like crap. Like I just want to shed a few layers of filth, pain or whatever it is weighing me down right now. I'm just so tired. I'm also disgruntled at the moment because people fucking suck. By people, I mean the men I bring into my life - why do they all despise me so? I'm sure it's my own fault, but it's ridiculous. If you don't like me, JUST FUCKING SAY SO - don't play games with me; don't brush me off and then find me when your dick gets hard or when you're bored, BE A FUCKING MAN. I know, apparently I have a tattoo on my forehead that says 'slut' or 'no I don't mind being walked all over' - or at least that's what men like to think. I'm so tired of being treated like less than human and I'm tired of writing in this thing about it because I'm not a man hater damnit, I'm just a magnet for getting hurt or something. And I'm pissed off because I was blown off by a friend yesterday and he doesn't seem to register that fact... oh I'm a perpetual machine of forgiveness and gullibility.
St. Patrick's day was interesting: went to open mic night at the doors. It was ok. Some guy was stalking me around the bar continually demanding that I come home with him to fuck - I think the poor guy needs professional help but I didn't appreciate the boob grabbing and whipping out of the dick... I'm sure he went home alone. I had my first green beer, watched some of the game on the big screen telly, ran into someone I haven't seen in over a year, made out with a hot chick who had really tasty lip gloss on, got about a million compliments on the awesomeness that is my hair, and ultimately met someone at the very end of the night who I hope is interested and doesn't turn out to be like every other fucking guy I meet. I guess I'll find out...
For the very few hours I was awake yesterday, I threw together this video about nothing for the purposes of practice and getting used to the camera, etc. I know I'm not photogenic at all but oh well. I really am a camwhore at heart....
Until next time, be good and be nice! (And thanks for letting me complain).
Love M
St. Patrick's day was interesting: went to open mic night at the doors. It was ok. Some guy was stalking me around the bar continually demanding that I come home with him to fuck - I think the poor guy needs professional help but I didn't appreciate the boob grabbing and whipping out of the dick... I'm sure he went home alone. I had my first green beer, watched some of the game on the big screen telly, ran into someone I haven't seen in over a year, made out with a hot chick who had really tasty lip gloss on, got about a million compliments on the awesomeness that is my hair, and ultimately met someone at the very end of the night who I hope is interested and doesn't turn out to be like every other fucking guy I meet. I guess I'll find out...
For the very few hours I was awake yesterday, I threw together this video about nothing for the purposes of practice and getting used to the camera, etc. I know I'm not photogenic at all but oh well. I really am a camwhore at heart....
Until next time, be good and be nice! (And thanks for letting me complain).
Love M
March 16, 2010
Thinking Way Too Hard About A Title
Ugh, I feel like the bear being forced to wake up because spring is approaching and it's time to gtfo of the cave now. Well it's not a comfortable transition: I'm cold and tired and sore and I need a couple cups of coffee first, k? My sleep has been screwy for the last week or so. I tried to stay up today but had the wise idea of laying down and watching a documentary where a bunch of people perform Leonard Cohen songs, with him speaking randomly in between in that beautiful voice of his... that's all the lullaby I need. I woke and decided to practice the guitar more but got flustered cause I couldn't find any good videos to help teach me. I just wanted to learn the damn 'B' chord... that shouldn't be so hard, should it?
I was looking at my long neglected YouTube channel because I wanted to change my username since 'Lilith Kills' doesn't really reference much, I just think it's a cool name. Apparently you have to make a whole new account to do that so I don't think I'm going to. I have two videos on there and I'm thinking about making another one soon just for fun. No idea what I'd do on it but I'll figure it out. One of my videos is a sort of book trailer I made a long time ago to help promote my book and I thought since I could really use the money right now and I still have copies, that I'd share my cheesy video here and see if anyone out there wants to read some really good fucking poetry. So, without further ado...
Thank you, thank you :op
In other news, I ran into a friend from high school last week at This Ain't Hollywood, who now lives in the city so that is awesome - I need more females in my life, especially ones who aren't dipsticks. Speaking of TAH, all three bands were fucking good and I didn't realize Hamilton was harbouring such kick ass female rockers. I am pleased. I am also pleased (while we're on the subject of music) to announce that The Creepshow are playing The Casbah on the 31st and tickets are only $10 and I am very excited! We (Buttercup) interviewed them back in October '09 and I loved them as soon as I heard them. Hellz yeah.
I finished (for the most part) a piece that was inspired by Picasso in a way that I'm sure no one could possibly guess lol. I really like it but I don't like it so much digitally - it lost a lot of awesomeness through the scanning process, but I'll show you anyway:
I'm going to a life-drawing class next month - I've never been to one but the price is very cheap and I want to take advantage of the experience. I think it's going to be an ongoing thing so maybe I'll actually get good, ya never know! It should be fun, anyway.
I know I'm all over the place in this entry but I want to speak briefly about publishing: am I the only one confused these days about what having your book published means? Here is what I have always thought: To publish your book, a publisher buys your manuscript and pays you royalties. To self-publish your book, you design and print it (or hire someone to do that) and you make all the profit from sales (unless you've hired someone to market it or something). And vanity publishing is paying some company (usually way too much money) to do everything for you, usually relinquishing most of the creative and financial control. Have these definitions changed in the last few years? I realize reading the wikipedia definitions clarify, but in reality, I've come across many people who don't seem to realize the difference. I dunno, I guess it's just a stupid pet peeve and I wish the lines were more distinguishable/explainable. Sigh. It just reminds me of the damn poetry.com bullshit all over again.
Anyway, St. Patrick's Day tomorrow... not really a special day but I'm going to go out anyway and have a green beer because I've never actually had one before. I know, it's just beer w/food colouring, but still, it's green.
Okay, get lost now!
Love M
I was looking at my long neglected YouTube channel because I wanted to change my username since 'Lilith Kills' doesn't really reference much, I just think it's a cool name. Apparently you have to make a whole new account to do that so I don't think I'm going to. I have two videos on there and I'm thinking about making another one soon just for fun. No idea what I'd do on it but I'll figure it out. One of my videos is a sort of book trailer I made a long time ago to help promote my book and I thought since I could really use the money right now and I still have copies, that I'd share my cheesy video here and see if anyone out there wants to read some really good fucking poetry. So, without further ado...
Thank you, thank you :op
In other news, I ran into a friend from high school last week at This Ain't Hollywood, who now lives in the city so that is awesome - I need more females in my life, especially ones who aren't dipsticks. Speaking of TAH, all three bands were fucking good and I didn't realize Hamilton was harbouring such kick ass female rockers. I am pleased. I am also pleased (while we're on the subject of music) to announce that The Creepshow are playing The Casbah on the 31st and tickets are only $10 and I am very excited! We (Buttercup) interviewed them back in October '09 and I loved them as soon as I heard them. Hellz yeah.
I finished (for the most part) a piece that was inspired by Picasso in a way that I'm sure no one could possibly guess lol. I really like it but I don't like it so much digitally - it lost a lot of awesomeness through the scanning process, but I'll show you anyway:
I'm going to a life-drawing class next month - I've never been to one but the price is very cheap and I want to take advantage of the experience. I think it's going to be an ongoing thing so maybe I'll actually get good, ya never know! It should be fun, anyway.
I know I'm all over the place in this entry but I want to speak briefly about publishing: am I the only one confused these days about what having your book published means? Here is what I have always thought: To publish your book, a publisher buys your manuscript and pays you royalties. To self-publish your book, you design and print it (or hire someone to do that) and you make all the profit from sales (unless you've hired someone to market it or something). And vanity publishing is paying some company (usually way too much money) to do everything for you, usually relinquishing most of the creative and financial control. Have these definitions changed in the last few years? I realize reading the wikipedia definitions clarify, but in reality, I've come across many people who don't seem to realize the difference. I dunno, I guess it's just a stupid pet peeve and I wish the lines were more distinguishable/explainable. Sigh. It just reminds me of the damn poetry.com bullshit all over again.
Anyway, St. Patrick's Day tomorrow... not really a special day but I'm going to go out anyway and have a green beer because I've never actually had one before. I know, it's just beer w/food colouring, but still, it's green.
Okay, get lost now!
Love M
February 26, 2010
Hey! I'm Blogging Here!
Meh I just feel like writing random things. I'm having kind of a blah Friday night here with George (actually, it's just me, George is too cool to hang out with me so he's chillin' on the bed). Listening to the few tracks available right now by Evelyn Evelyn. Watched 'Capturing The Friedmans' whilst working on an art piece (believe it or not, inspired by Mr. Picasso, even though the actual piece really has nothing to do with him or his work... figure that one out... I haz artistic license bitches). Bob Dylan's on now.
I'm simultaneously gathering video, audio, and images of the good doctor (Hunter S. Thompson, of course) to put on a disc for future enjoyment. I just don't get tired of that man and his genius. He really is beyond fascination and more closely definable in spiritual terms... a deity... more important than sliced bread. Or maybe this is just the fixative fumes talking - they're pretty strong. The can says not to smoke...
I wish I had bought that bottle of wine after all.
Know what's ridiculous? The fact that the majority of us westerners live in perpetual preparation for the future, whether it be the next half hour from now, the next month, the next decade, doesn't matter, it's what we do. And we do this until we die, which means we've never really lived because we were too busy preparing. And the really dumb part about that is we're not psychic, we don't know exactly what is going to happen in the future and we all know that plans never go the way they're "supposed" to. What is the point of that? We live in anxiety, the giant 'to-do' lists dangling above our heads, telling us we'd better not (Steve Sinnicks now) waste any time because we have to get these things done first and then we can enjoy ourselves... lmfao I don't know about you, but I've never not had a to-do list. Sure I get stuff done - but more stuff comes up to replace that stuff I just did and there are always things on that list that sit there FOREVER, taunting me, making me feel bad, lingering at the back of my mind when I'm trying to sleep at night and meanwhile I'm wondering why in the world I have insomnia or why in the world I'm so tense.
Instead of wasting our very short lives worrying about what needs to be accomplished, we should be enjoying the fact that we're alive and actually LIVE. And sure, we can be a bit anal sometimes about getting stuff done, but I really think that should count for the minority of our time, not the majority. While I'm aware, lovely readers, that I'm far from the first person to point this out (Courtney Love now), these thoughts have recently made their meaning much more relevant to me and they are not just an important philosophy to strive for, so much as a major key in having a reason to get up every morning (I'm the kind of person who needs life to be meaningful, and if there isn't a real meaningful purpose or reason to live, well, that's just fucking depressing. I also know these thoughts cannot really be stated enough, we all need reminders.
Of course, all of this makes much more sense within a Buddhist, dialectic context: namely mindfulness. Okay, /super enlightening speil... now.
What else is on my mind as of late... men. I'm sure I'm going to get myself into trouble for something I'm about to say, but don't I always? I am, after all, the queen of inappropriateness (note the ego).
I've been really pissed at the male species these days because it seems to me, at least in my experiences, that men have the ability to find extra special ways of being douchebags. And I love men, I love men very much, and I'm not the type of person to typecast a whole group based on the behaviour of a few, but I am batting like, 99/100 here people. It definitely boggles my mind. (hey! fuck you Alexis On Fire! They only have samples on their MySpace page, pffft. Just kidding, love you George! But I'm putting on Sarah Blackwood now...) So anyway, I'm a big fat sucker. I get stung by men over and over and yet I keep coming back for more. Okay, maybe I am at least a little bit masochistic, but my tendencies usually go more along the lines of having my nipples pinched, not being lied to, used, blown off, etc.etc.
The only conclusions I've been able to come to are:
1. Men truly are so completely different than women, at least in the way they communicate, act, and often times think. Duh, we all know that right?
2. Men aren't nearly as brave as we think they are - muscle does not equal heart of steel and so they have many fears and anxieties (just like we do) which seem to be expressed in ways that tend to piss women off.
3. Why? Well I'm assuming it's because society conditions them to "be men" and not show fear. They're not encouraged to express themselves so how can we expect them to be able to? I'm not saying they're cavemen who can't communicate, I'm just saying that they're more likely to shut down or fly the coop if fear or difficulty arises.
On the other hand, there does seem to be a plethora of men out there who actually ARE fucking jerks. I hate to say it, but most of my friends are male and most of them are the ones confirming this conclusion. Like, lying to someone to get them into bed? Yeah, that's a jerk thing to do. Fucking jerk.
This line of thought doesn't really have a point, mostly because I have no idea what the moral of the story is, or how one can avoid the jerks or how men can all of the sudden learn to express themselves in healthy ways. I would like to add, however, that I'm fully aware that us women are nuts as well, we're just nuts in completely different ways then men... both sexes are fucked in our own special ways. But if you're a guy and you're reading this, what the hell man? what the hell...
P.S. I think there should be a 'Thank You' card or something like that for really really good oral sex.
Love M
I'm simultaneously gathering video, audio, and images of the good doctor (Hunter S. Thompson, of course) to put on a disc for future enjoyment. I just don't get tired of that man and his genius. He really is beyond fascination and more closely definable in spiritual terms... a deity... more important than sliced bread. Or maybe this is just the fixative fumes talking - they're pretty strong. The can says not to smoke...
I wish I had bought that bottle of wine after all.
Know what's ridiculous? The fact that the majority of us westerners live in perpetual preparation for the future, whether it be the next half hour from now, the next month, the next decade, doesn't matter, it's what we do. And we do this until we die, which means we've never really lived because we were too busy preparing. And the really dumb part about that is we're not psychic, we don't know exactly what is going to happen in the future and we all know that plans never go the way they're "supposed" to. What is the point of that? We live in anxiety, the giant 'to-do' lists dangling above our heads, telling us we'd better not (Steve Sinnicks now) waste any time because we have to get these things done first and then we can enjoy ourselves... lmfao I don't know about you, but I've never not had a to-do list. Sure I get stuff done - but more stuff comes up to replace that stuff I just did and there are always things on that list that sit there FOREVER, taunting me, making me feel bad, lingering at the back of my mind when I'm trying to sleep at night and meanwhile I'm wondering why in the world I have insomnia or why in the world I'm so tense.
Instead of wasting our very short lives worrying about what needs to be accomplished, we should be enjoying the fact that we're alive and actually LIVE. And sure, we can be a bit anal sometimes about getting stuff done, but I really think that should count for the minority of our time, not the majority. While I'm aware, lovely readers, that I'm far from the first person to point this out (Courtney Love now), these thoughts have recently made their meaning much more relevant to me and they are not just an important philosophy to strive for, so much as a major key in having a reason to get up every morning (I'm the kind of person who needs life to be meaningful, and if there isn't a real meaningful purpose or reason to live, well, that's just fucking depressing. I also know these thoughts cannot really be stated enough, we all need reminders.
Of course, all of this makes much more sense within a Buddhist, dialectic context: namely mindfulness. Okay, /super enlightening speil... now.
What else is on my mind as of late... men. I'm sure I'm going to get myself into trouble for something I'm about to say, but don't I always? I am, after all, the queen of inappropriateness (note the ego).
I've been really pissed at the male species these days because it seems to me, at least in my experiences, that men have the ability to find extra special ways of being douchebags. And I love men, I love men very much, and I'm not the type of person to typecast a whole group based on the behaviour of a few, but I am batting like, 99/100 here people. It definitely boggles my mind. (hey! fuck you Alexis On Fire! They only have samples on their MySpace page, pffft. Just kidding, love you George! But I'm putting on Sarah Blackwood now...) So anyway, I'm a big fat sucker. I get stung by men over and over and yet I keep coming back for more. Okay, maybe I am at least a little bit masochistic, but my tendencies usually go more along the lines of having my nipples pinched, not being lied to, used, blown off, etc.etc.
The only conclusions I've been able to come to are:
1. Men truly are so completely different than women, at least in the way they communicate, act, and often times think. Duh, we all know that right?
2. Men aren't nearly as brave as we think they are - muscle does not equal heart of steel and so they have many fears and anxieties (just like we do) which seem to be expressed in ways that tend to piss women off.
3. Why? Well I'm assuming it's because society conditions them to "be men" and not show fear. They're not encouraged to express themselves so how can we expect them to be able to? I'm not saying they're cavemen who can't communicate, I'm just saying that they're more likely to shut down or fly the coop if fear or difficulty arises.
On the other hand, there does seem to be a plethora of men out there who actually ARE fucking jerks. I hate to say it, but most of my friends are male and most of them are the ones confirming this conclusion. Like, lying to someone to get them into bed? Yeah, that's a jerk thing to do. Fucking jerk.
This line of thought doesn't really have a point, mostly because I have no idea what the moral of the story is, or how one can avoid the jerks or how men can all of the sudden learn to express themselves in healthy ways. I would like to add, however, that I'm fully aware that us women are nuts as well, we're just nuts in completely different ways then men... both sexes are fucked in our own special ways. But if you're a guy and you're reading this, what the hell man? what the hell...
P.S. I think there should be a 'Thank You' card or something like that for really really good oral sex.
Love M
December 27, 2009
Boxing Day
This is the reason Christmas wasn't a complete bust:
Also, cause Don came over for a bit and I got to give him his present. And there was wine and Ativan and chocolate. And I got a pink and black playboy bunny blanket from my younger brother (the father of the cute baby girl); slippers, and herbal tea. My mum got me modeling clay, scratch tickets, and Chapters gift certificates :o) Tim gave me some canvas and a really fancy shmancy pen that you use to write with or to do fine details with in your art.
So yeah, Christmas is over, thank the gods, and we're almost done new year's as well. Until then, not much going on around here, kinda bored actually. I'll probably sit in front of my puter with a bottle of wine for new year's eve - we shall see. I'll have my own little LOFNOTC party.
I spent most of boxing day sleeping and internet window shopping for sales - ended up finally upgrading my toy collection. I was going to go for books since I got the gift cards, but there were no good sales. I watched two movies I've never seen before: '8 Mile' and 'Just Friends' - interesting combo. '8 Mile' had a lot of good stuff in it, but also some crappy stuff. But now I can finally compare the movie with 'Clueless' - another big movie that Brittany Murphy played in. My verdict is that 'Clueless' was the better movie, had a bigger cultural impact, and that Brittany's performance in this film trumped her performance in '8 Mile.' On a side note, the sex scene in the factory was really hot.
The other movie, 'Just Friends' was kinda... cute I guess? I expected more from it for some reason but I'd say it was probably more corny than the average corny chick movie. But I definitely related to Ryan Renold's character as the geek who is ever in the 'friend zone' - always the friend never the girlfriend. I've also been known to play the part of the friend with benefits... just never the girlfriend.
I need to think of more good movies to watch.
Oh, P.S. I WANT THIS! (NSFW)
Love M
Also, cause Don came over for a bit and I got to give him his present. And there was wine and Ativan and chocolate. And I got a pink and black playboy bunny blanket from my younger brother (the father of the cute baby girl); slippers, and herbal tea. My mum got me modeling clay, scratch tickets, and Chapters gift certificates :o) Tim gave me some canvas and a really fancy shmancy pen that you use to write with or to do fine details with in your art.
So yeah, Christmas is over, thank the gods, and we're almost done new year's as well. Until then, not much going on around here, kinda bored actually. I'll probably sit in front of my puter with a bottle of wine for new year's eve - we shall see. I'll have my own little LOFNOTC party.
I spent most of boxing day sleeping and internet window shopping for sales - ended up finally upgrading my toy collection. I was going to go for books since I got the gift cards, but there were no good sales. I watched two movies I've never seen before: '8 Mile' and 'Just Friends' - interesting combo. '8 Mile' had a lot of good stuff in it, but also some crappy stuff. But now I can finally compare the movie with 'Clueless' - another big movie that Brittany Murphy played in. My verdict is that 'Clueless' was the better movie, had a bigger cultural impact, and that Brittany's performance in this film trumped her performance in '8 Mile.' On a side note, the sex scene in the factory was really hot.
The other movie, 'Just Friends' was kinda... cute I guess? I expected more from it for some reason but I'd say it was probably more corny than the average corny chick movie. But I definitely related to Ryan Renold's character as the geek who is ever in the 'friend zone' - always the friend never the girlfriend. I've also been known to play the part of the friend with benefits... just never the girlfriend.
I need to think of more good movies to watch.
Oh, P.S. I WANT THIS! (NSFW)
Love M
October 10, 2009
Mostly MiniSoOnCon
I's sick. Yes, sick. As tough as my immune system is, stress is a killer.
I think I'm sposed to be sick though, as odd as it sounds, I needed a break from responsibility. It doesn't take much for me to get overwhelmed as it is, and lately my life has been becoming busier and busier.
So my body is now forcing me to rest and I'm resting to the best of my ability! Unfortunately I missed the Supercrawl because of this, which sucks much ass, but it was out of my hands and I'll just have to go to the regular art crawl next month.
Where was I? I can't write when the music is blaring and I have been having to play music as of late to drown out certain other noises (no no I'm not hearing voices in my head lol). I won't go into detail except to say it sucks and I'm too tired and sick right now to do anything else. Ugh.
Anyway! Some of the stuff I've been up to in the past month...
Last Friday was MiniSoOnCon at Think Haus! I wasn't going to go because I would have to go solo and I'm very shy and introverted and all that fun stuff. But I went anyway and was pleased to see that most of the other guests in attendance were just as shy and introverted as I am! I've never been to a hacker conference before so the sight of a room full of people sitting quietly, looking at their laps in complete silence was both hilarious and refreshing.
It did not remain that quiet all night though: once people started to get to know each other and of course get some alcohol into them, it was pretty good times! A lot of people showed up. People from Diyode (from Guelph), HackLab.TO (from Toronto), KwartzLab (from Kitchener), think|haus (from Hamilton,of course), FouLab (from Montreal), as well as other hackerspaces and someone even came out from Rochester! So yeah I met a lot of awesome people and we managed to get hackers from all over Canada to come out to our humble space.
We had a yummy bar-b-que, despite the bad weather, and a well stocked bar - I don't remember the bartender's name but she was awesome.
We had (what I now understand to be a hacker con tradition) really cool frikken badges. I mean, I saw these things being made at the space and didn't quite get it until the finished product was presented:
The picture doesn't really do it justice - but it's awesome and everyone in attendance wore one.
According to what I've been told, the tradition is to hack your badge and see who can do the coolest thing with theirs, which, I suppose, is why our lounge area was filled with drunk people soldering - mhmmm, unfortunately I don't have a photo of that madness.
See that little house there? That's the Think Haus logo. Don made that! He is awesoma powa.
Paul (TH) graced us with demonstrations of the long awaited http://www.emotiv.com/ - the thing reads your mind maaaan! No, srsly, you put it on your head and it detects your facial expressions, eyeball movement, emotions, thoughts, actions, and "can be used to control not only a virtual environment, but also a live environment through the help of micro-controllers and actuators."
I love this thing, the implications get me very excited!
The other cool thing going on was the arrival of the CUPCAKE Makerbot (3D printer). It wasn't assembled until the next day of the con, so since I didn't make it that day, I didn't see that, but here's a video cause I only vaguely understand why this is awesome:
That lovely gal is Leigh Honeywell from Hacklab T.O. and the fella behind the mic is Wayne MacPhail giving us awesome coverage.
Isn't our space da bomb? It's been being "fixed up" for four months and is now officially a workable hackerspace.
I wish I could have taken pictures myself but my camera is acting wonky.
Needless to say it was awesome (especially considering Think Haus is only four months old!) and I'm looking forward to it next year.
What I did find interesting was the very small percentage of females in attendance: Adina and I from TH, Leigh and Alex from T.O., the bartender gal, and maybe one or two others (I mean no offense it's just my memory sucks right now). Then a crap-load of mens. I love mens the best, but it begs the question, why? Where are the geeky gals? I know you're out there! Come over to the dark side, we have beer! (and cookies, and cupcakes!).
This little MiniSoOnCon attendee is on the right track!
zomg she's cute!
What else... Oh Tetro! haha
Hamilton just had a film festival called Festitalia International Film Festival. I know, it aint TIFF, deal. Riley and I went to see a film called Tetro, which turned out to be an okay movie. The best part of the night? Discovering that Jackson Square cinemas got brand new seats for the event! Yay! Clean theater seats! And they're slightly more comfy too, woot!
Anyway, that was fun, next year I wanna try to see more of the films. Hell, next year I might go to TIFF.
Before that, I went away to Parrysound to stay at someone's cottage for four days. I LOVE going there, it's so relaxing and peaceful surrounded by nature. Last year upon arrival, as soon as I stepped out of the van all my heartache and stress dissipated and I was at peace the whole time I was there. Of course it came back when I came home, but at least for that short time I was at peace.
I expected/hoped for the same this year, especially since my stress this year is quite a bit less than it was last year, but no such luck. I was at peace, but there was still things nagging at me in the back of my head. I'm pretty sure I know why now but all in all it was a good time. I swam in the lake and it was COLD! but very clean and refreshing. I paddled a rowboat all by myself *proud grin.* I made a smore (I love love bonfires) and did some meditating and crocheting. Yep.
There was also The Locke Street Festival followed by Pagan Harvest Festival: the former was too crowded and hot, the latter was pretty cool, very peaceful, lots of shady areas to chill.
I got a great tarot reading from Franco Minatel - he did a reading for me a few years ago but I didn't recognize him until he started reading my cards.
The day ended as the very bright sun was making its way below the horizon, with all joining a circle for a little closing ritual, which was quite nice.
Then I went home and got drunk with Tim lol.
That's it that's all I'm done.
Alright, bugger off then.
Love M
I think I'm sposed to be sick though, as odd as it sounds, I needed a break from responsibility. It doesn't take much for me to get overwhelmed as it is, and lately my life has been becoming busier and busier.
So my body is now forcing me to rest and I'm resting to the best of my ability! Unfortunately I missed the Supercrawl because of this, which sucks much ass, but it was out of my hands and I'll just have to go to the regular art crawl next month.
Where was I? I can't write when the music is blaring and I have been having to play music as of late to drown out certain other noises (no no I'm not hearing voices in my head lol). I won't go into detail except to say it sucks and I'm too tired and sick right now to do anything else. Ugh.
Anyway! Some of the stuff I've been up to in the past month...
Last Friday was MiniSoOnCon at Think Haus! I wasn't going to go because I would have to go solo and I'm very shy and introverted and all that fun stuff. But I went anyway and was pleased to see that most of the other guests in attendance were just as shy and introverted as I am! I've never been to a hacker conference before so the sight of a room full of people sitting quietly, looking at their laps in complete silence was both hilarious and refreshing.
It did not remain that quiet all night though: once people started to get to know each other and of course get some alcohol into them, it was pretty good times! A lot of people showed up. People from Diyode (from Guelph), HackLab.TO (from Toronto), KwartzLab (from Kitchener), think|haus (from Hamilton,of course), FouLab (from Montreal), as well as other hackerspaces and someone even came out from Rochester! So yeah I met a lot of awesome people and we managed to get hackers from all over Canada to come out to our humble space.
We had a yummy bar-b-que, despite the bad weather, and a well stocked bar - I don't remember the bartender's name but she was awesome.
We had (what I now understand to be a hacker con tradition) really cool frikken badges. I mean, I saw these things being made at the space and didn't quite get it until the finished product was presented:
The picture doesn't really do it justice - but it's awesome and everyone in attendance wore one.
According to what I've been told, the tradition is to hack your badge and see who can do the coolest thing with theirs, which, I suppose, is why our lounge area was filled with drunk people soldering - mhmmm, unfortunately I don't have a photo of that madness.
See that little house there? That's the Think Haus logo. Don made that! He is awesoma powa.
Paul (TH) graced us with demonstrations of the long awaited http://www.emotiv.com/ - the thing reads your mind maaaan! No, srsly, you put it on your head and it detects your facial expressions, eyeball movement, emotions, thoughts, actions, and "can be used to control not only a virtual environment, but also a live environment through the help of micro-controllers and actuators."
I love this thing, the implications get me very excited!
The other cool thing going on was the arrival of the CUPCAKE Makerbot (3D printer). It wasn't assembled until the next day of the con, so since I didn't make it that day, I didn't see that, but here's a video cause I only vaguely understand why this is awesome:
That lovely gal is Leigh Honeywell from Hacklab T.O. and the fella behind the mic is Wayne MacPhail giving us awesome coverage.
Isn't our space da bomb? It's been being "fixed up" for four months and is now officially a workable hackerspace.
I wish I could have taken pictures myself but my camera is acting wonky.
Needless to say it was awesome (especially considering Think Haus is only four months old!) and I'm looking forward to it next year.
What I did find interesting was the very small percentage of females in attendance: Adina and I from TH, Leigh and Alex from T.O., the bartender gal, and maybe one or two others (I mean no offense it's just my memory sucks right now). Then a crap-load of mens. I love mens the best, but it begs the question, why? Where are the geeky gals? I know you're out there! Come over to the dark side, we have beer! (and cookies, and cupcakes!).
This little MiniSoOnCon attendee is on the right track!
zomg she's cute!
What else... Oh Tetro! haha
Hamilton just had a film festival called Festitalia International Film Festival. I know, it aint TIFF, deal. Riley and I went to see a film called Tetro, which turned out to be an okay movie. The best part of the night? Discovering that Jackson Square cinemas got brand new seats for the event! Yay! Clean theater seats! And they're slightly more comfy too, woot!
Anyway, that was fun, next year I wanna try to see more of the films. Hell, next year I might go to TIFF.
Before that, I went away to Parrysound to stay at someone's cottage for four days. I LOVE going there, it's so relaxing and peaceful surrounded by nature. Last year upon arrival, as soon as I stepped out of the van all my heartache and stress dissipated and I was at peace the whole time I was there. Of course it came back when I came home, but at least for that short time I was at peace.
I expected/hoped for the same this year, especially since my stress this year is quite a bit less than it was last year, but no such luck. I was at peace, but there was still things nagging at me in the back of my head. I'm pretty sure I know why now but all in all it was a good time. I swam in the lake and it was COLD! but very clean and refreshing. I paddled a rowboat all by myself *proud grin.* I made a smore (I love love bonfires) and did some meditating and crocheting. Yep.
There was also The Locke Street Festival followed by Pagan Harvest Festival: the former was too crowded and hot, the latter was pretty cool, very peaceful, lots of shady areas to chill.
I got a great tarot reading from Franco Minatel - he did a reading for me a few years ago but I didn't recognize him until he started reading my cards.
The day ended as the very bright sun was making its way below the horizon, with all joining a circle for a little closing ritual, which was quite nice.
Then I went home and got drunk with Tim lol.
That's it that's all I'm done.
Alright, bugger off then.
Love M
June 30, 2009
Impermanence
I keep trying to write about things that are going on in my life but it's just not happening. I'm just feeling too emotionally crazy right now to talk about anything mundane.
I've been watching a very long documentary, 'Walking With Dinosaurs' or something like that and it is extremely humbling and for some reason that makes me feel better.
Life on Earth began hundreds of millions of years ago. Since then, species have lived, evolved, strived, struggled, and died out. Even the dinosaurs, for example, who reined for a few million years... poof, gone.
Also since the beginning of life on this planet, the Earth has undergone so many major changes that have effected whether a species lives on or dies out. Major, MAJOR shifts in weather... millions of years of ideal tropical weather to millions of years of extreme cold and ice.
Extinction has been a matter of fact throughout history - no species is exempt from it. There are so many species today that it happens a lot more often then we're even aware of.
All it took was a comet hitting the Earth to wipe out the dinosaurs: they were just fine until that happened.
But of course, that could never happen to us, right?
It's not like, history repeats itself, or life works in cycles...
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here, is that we humans have been here about a hundred thousand years or so. We're an arrogant creature who tends to believe we'll always be around, that nothing so horrible could happen in our lifetimes, that nothing like that is bound to happen for millions of years in the future, yada yada yada.
But logically, we should know without much doubt, that our fate is indeed, extinction. There's no reason it can't happen today as easily as it could happen in ten million years. We don't know. The earth will continue to change and go through cycles that inevitably change the climate and weather patterns - thus effecting all living things, from vegetation to humanity.
I'm sitting here, writing this at the bottom of what was once a very large, deep lake. Life if weird, and in its weirdness is awesome, uncontrollable, impermanent, and a never ending source of our curiousity.
It is by luck/fate that humans developed these large brains, giving us the ability to rise to the top of the food chain using technology rather than our own physical devices. We are unique in this way.
But I believe it's this uniqueness that allows us to be so arrogant and believe our species is so special as to be the only one in history to ever avoid the forces of nature and be exempt from extinction.
It's the same arrogance that allows us to believe life doesn't exist anywhere in the universe but here on earth, even though the universe is so ginormous that I don't think there's even a word suitable enough to describe how large it really is (and it never stops expanding).
We are smart, that's for sure. And there's a reason we evolved to be what we are. I won't pretend to know what that reason is, but I do believe everything happens for a reason.
What I don't believe, is that the earth is quite finished with us yet... we try to defeat nature, but we never do, not permanently anyway.
So, our species has been around for about a hundred thousand years. And only at the tail of hundreds of millions of years of life on the planet. Our existence is just a small fraction of history. We're pretty new to the game and there's no telling how long we'll be around.
And like I said, that is very humbling, and for some reason, makes me happy. Kinda takes the pressure off in a way, doesn't it?
Following this theme of impermanence, I watched a video earlier tonight (it came up in my feed reader) on the same subject, aptly titled Impermanence. It's a talk given by a monk on the subject of the Buddhist philosophy that nothing is permanent, everything is always changing.
I needed to hear it at this time. Emotions shift poles. Bodies live and die. The current changes. The mountain erodes. Nothing is permanent but our true selves. This too shall pass. I am not my body or my mind, I only have them to use as I see fit.
More peacefully humbling truths.
A lot for one day, but then again, good lessons to learn on days like this where all I feel like doing is lying in bed because I'm so depressed.
-Love Marylin.
I've been watching a very long documentary, 'Walking With Dinosaurs' or something like that and it is extremely humbling and for some reason that makes me feel better.
Life on Earth began hundreds of millions of years ago. Since then, species have lived, evolved, strived, struggled, and died out. Even the dinosaurs, for example, who reined for a few million years... poof, gone.
Also since the beginning of life on this planet, the Earth has undergone so many major changes that have effected whether a species lives on or dies out. Major, MAJOR shifts in weather... millions of years of ideal tropical weather to millions of years of extreme cold and ice.
Extinction has been a matter of fact throughout history - no species is exempt from it. There are so many species today that it happens a lot more often then we're even aware of.
All it took was a comet hitting the Earth to wipe out the dinosaurs: they were just fine until that happened.
But of course, that could never happen to us, right?
It's not like, history repeats itself, or life works in cycles...
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here, is that we humans have been here about a hundred thousand years or so. We're an arrogant creature who tends to believe we'll always be around, that nothing so horrible could happen in our lifetimes, that nothing like that is bound to happen for millions of years in the future, yada yada yada.
But logically, we should know without much doubt, that our fate is indeed, extinction. There's no reason it can't happen today as easily as it could happen in ten million years. We don't know. The earth will continue to change and go through cycles that inevitably change the climate and weather patterns - thus effecting all living things, from vegetation to humanity.
I'm sitting here, writing this at the bottom of what was once a very large, deep lake. Life if weird, and in its weirdness is awesome, uncontrollable, impermanent, and a never ending source of our curiousity.
It is by luck/fate that humans developed these large brains, giving us the ability to rise to the top of the food chain using technology rather than our own physical devices. We are unique in this way.
But I believe it's this uniqueness that allows us to be so arrogant and believe our species is so special as to be the only one in history to ever avoid the forces of nature and be exempt from extinction.
It's the same arrogance that allows us to believe life doesn't exist anywhere in the universe but here on earth, even though the universe is so ginormous that I don't think there's even a word suitable enough to describe how large it really is (and it never stops expanding).
We are smart, that's for sure. And there's a reason we evolved to be what we are. I won't pretend to know what that reason is, but I do believe everything happens for a reason.
What I don't believe, is that the earth is quite finished with us yet... we try to defeat nature, but we never do, not permanently anyway.
So, our species has been around for about a hundred thousand years. And only at the tail of hundreds of millions of years of life on the planet. Our existence is just a small fraction of history. We're pretty new to the game and there's no telling how long we'll be around.
And like I said, that is very humbling, and for some reason, makes me happy. Kinda takes the pressure off in a way, doesn't it?
Following this theme of impermanence, I watched a video earlier tonight (it came up in my feed reader) on the same subject, aptly titled Impermanence. It's a talk given by a monk on the subject of the Buddhist philosophy that nothing is permanent, everything is always changing.
I needed to hear it at this time. Emotions shift poles. Bodies live and die. The current changes. The mountain erodes. Nothing is permanent but our true selves. This too shall pass. I am not my body or my mind, I only have them to use as I see fit.
More peacefully humbling truths.
A lot for one day, but then again, good lessons to learn on days like this where all I feel like doing is lying in bed because I'm so depressed.
-Love Marylin.
June 17, 2009
Geeks Are Sexy
Showing VS Telling... is actually pretty hard when you're trying to do it on purpose. But let's keep that between you and I and pretend all my writing comes out flawlessly and effortlessly - shhhhhh.
Myself and a few members of my writing group are collaborating on a collection of short fantasy stories, making this - let me see - my first attempt at writing fantasy. Yeah, so I'm a bit out of my element, which is good, don't get me wrong, it's always good to step out of ones comfort zone, but it is also a bit nerve racking.
I haven't even thought of a story to write: I just sat down and started writing and I have no idea where it came from or where it's going but there it is.
Last night was the Think Haus meeting - fun stuff. Men are silly creatures! But they are fun creatures nonetheless so it's all good. We're planning on having at Maker Faire at the end of the summer, but keep that on the down-low cause we JUST started planning.
Lots of projects going on. Tonight is a super top sekret meeting for a super top sekret project so mind your fucking business! ;)
This Saturday Jodie and I are gonna hit the Maker's Market downtown. I'm not entirely sure what that is, but I'm almost positive it involves many booths with many artisans selling their wares. Homemade stuff rocks!
Next weekend I'm getting picked up by a strange man (love you Ronny!) and being driven up to Barrie where I will get shit-faced with my awesome friends Sunny, Blake, Lexi, the aforementioned strange man, and some other hobos. I have not been drunk in a while so don't judge! lol It's all for Canada Day... that's right... Canada Day.
The Black Dahlia.
I chose the movie because Mia Kirshner is in it and she is hot. So maybe that was a bad thing to base a choice on? I think so, because the movie kinda sucked. Plus, she was barely in it! I don't want to look at Scarlett Johansson thank you very much!
Oooh! Onto yet another subject, I'm going to Ikea tomorrow morning for the first time, and though I hate the idea of Ikea, I have heard that it is indeed a weird place to be so I wanna see for myself :P
Today is fun with Don day.
Uninteresting blog post written - check.
Be good.
-Love Marylin.
Myself and a few members of my writing group are collaborating on a collection of short fantasy stories, making this - let me see - my first attempt at writing fantasy. Yeah, so I'm a bit out of my element, which is good, don't get me wrong, it's always good to step out of ones comfort zone, but it is also a bit nerve racking.
I haven't even thought of a story to write: I just sat down and started writing and I have no idea where it came from or where it's going but there it is.
Last night was the Think Haus meeting - fun stuff. Men are silly creatures! But they are fun creatures nonetheless so it's all good. We're planning on having at Maker Faire at the end of the summer, but keep that on the down-low cause we JUST started planning.
Lots of projects going on. Tonight is a super top sekret meeting for a super top sekret project so mind your fucking business! ;)
This Saturday Jodie and I are gonna hit the Maker's Market downtown. I'm not entirely sure what that is, but I'm almost positive it involves many booths with many artisans selling their wares. Homemade stuff rocks!
Next weekend I'm getting picked up by a strange man (love you Ronny!) and being driven up to Barrie where I will get shit-faced with my awesome friends Sunny, Blake, Lexi, the aforementioned strange man, and some other hobos. I have not been drunk in a while so don't judge! lol It's all for Canada Day... that's right... Canada Day.
The Black Dahlia.
I chose the movie because Mia Kirshner is in it and she is hot. So maybe that was a bad thing to base a choice on? I think so, because the movie kinda sucked. Plus, she was barely in it! I don't want to look at Scarlett Johansson thank you very much!
Oooh! Onto yet another subject, I'm going to Ikea tomorrow morning for the first time, and though I hate the idea of Ikea, I have heard that it is indeed a weird place to be so I wanna see for myself :P
Today is fun with Don day.
Uninteresting blog post written - check.
Be good.
-Love Marylin.
June 13, 2009
Eat And Breathe
Holy shit it's been a while.
I'm sitting at my desk in my new studio/office/workspace (choose one) and I fuck-ing-love-it. I pulled it all together today and it's pretty much done. My desk is so much bigger, I have storage, I have a balcony with sunlight and fresh-air - the only thing I can complain about at the moment is the white-trash neighbours who sit outside and drink beer while talking much too loudly about nothing and occasionally getting into a verbal match where whoever can swear at the other the loudest and most inappropriately wins.
But I say, they're all winners *thumbs up*
I live in one of the good neighbourhoods in Hamilton and these people stick out like a sore thumb.
Anyway, I can't let myself get stressed out about it. I've been in de-stress mode since last Sunday morning at meditation.
You see, when meditating, one is still. Breathe. Relax. Let thoughts drift away. Bring awareness to the moment. It's a wonderful thing. Jodie and I started going to Sunday morning meditation at a Buddhist temple up the mountain and we both loved going - it made the whole rest of the week better. But we stopped going due to early mornings being hard and most likely approaching cold weather.
Now it's about a year later and we're dragging our asses back into Bodhisattva-ness damnit.
Last Sunday was our first time back and it was an eye-opener.
I sat on the cushion, tried to relax, breathe, close my eyes.
First sensation - racing thoughts. Not just racing thoughts, but thoughts flashing by at a frequency so fast that I could hardly decipher what the thoughts were about.
Since last summer I've been working pretty hard at not having to think those thoughts that make me worried, sad, anxious, afraid, etc. T.V. on every night, all night long as I slept because the t.v. would allow me to fall asleep without having to be alone with my thoughts. The t.v. was the distraction. I didn't care what was on, as long as it distracted me, put my brain on zombie mode, I guess you could say.
Having the t.v. on while you sleep is SO bad for you. You don't get a proper rest and you don't remember your dreams. You wake up feeling gross. Also, it's addicting.
When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is check my email, and then I'm pretty much on the computer all day. More distraction.
I'd been living like this for months and months and I had no idea I was even stressed out.
So last Sunday was the first time in a LONG time that I was forced to be completely quiet, still, aware, and it was as if all those thoughts I'd been distracting myself from came flooding through, the damn had broke. It was disturbing.
I then became aware of my breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Long, slow, smooth breaths - that's what I tried to do... except my breaths came out short, shaky, and uneven. I couldn't breathe, that's how stressed I was.
My third sensation was pain. Nothing new, but it was worse than usual - perhaps because I was attempting to unclench from months of a stiff, tight body? Or perhaps it was merely because I was paying attention.
It was a horrible morning and left me depressed for the rest of the day. But it also opened my eyes to how poorly I take care of myself. So I decided then and there that I couldn't go on like that anymore and here I am a week later, already feeling so much better.
It's really sad when you tell your shrink that you "started to eat and breathe this week." I didn't realize how crazy that sounded till she pointed it out. Shit. What the fuck am I doing to myself?
Right. So tomorrow morning is attempt number two at meditating - I look forward to it.
Oh, and I've canceled my cable so there's nothing on anymore. Ha!
It appears as though I've rambled on quite a bit already. You might wanna take a bathroom break, cause I have a lot more to talk about.
Okay you're back! lol
George.
George racked up a $450 vet bill the other week (talk about stress). You may remember me mentioning that I took pictures of his asshole? Well I took him to the vet and it turned out he had a bladder infection - apparently bladder infections do weird things to male cats *shrugs.* He had to stay at the vet for two nights and they sent him home with two different medications and a plastic cone around his neck.
First let me tell you: George just might look cuter when he's wearing his cone then when he's not. It's too sweet to describe - I have to recommend getting your cat a cone. Pictures are coming, don't worry.
George is also freakishly undisturbed by this huge cone around his neck: he's been wearing it for a week and a half straight with zero problems. And don't tell him I told you this, but the thing is on so loosely that he could just slip his head out of it if he wanted to.
My theory? He doesn't want to.
I didn't get off that easy though. He's being so stubborn about taking his pills. I've tried disguising them in all kinds of yummy things - bacon even! He's onto me. He knows what's up. He eats around the pill or he eats the food then spits the pill out, still intact!
I've had good luck for the past two days with some wet food and cat milk so I just pray it lasts till he's done his meds cause he needs to get rid of his infection - poor guy.
And that's what's up with George - he has an exciting life.
Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Heard of it?
Me neither. Well, at least up till a few weeks ago. Now I know very well what it is. It seems my epic Suzi Blu blog post caught their attention and inspired an article of their own - it's apparently part of a series on whores, according the site. Karma really is a bitch.
On to more important things: I've watched three Monty Python movies so far and they rock: Holy Grail, Life Of Brian, and Meaning Of Life. I feel there's a good chance I might start 'getting' the references people make now lol.
I also got in a few other movies in the past couple weeks:
Chaplin - definitely good enough to own. Jersey Girl - wtf? I'd like my hour and a half back please. The Hours - I've probably watched this six times in the past two weeks and have officially added it to my list of favourites. He's Just Not That Into You - no.
The white trash are blasting hip-hop... bad hip-hop.
Hey, while I'm on pet-peeves, is it just me or is it incredibly annoying when the elevator door opens and you start to walk out but people start walking in instead of letting you walk out first? Isn't it proper elevator etiquette to let those who are in the elevator get off before the people waiting for the elevator get on? Yes, I think it is. And if it's isn't, it damn well should be.
I think that's good enough for now as far as blog posts go.
For me, blogging is cathartic, so when I go a while without doing it, I start getting a bit antsy.
P.S. My mum unloaded a fuck-ton of good quality oil paints and some acrylics too. I'm going to take a bath in them now.
-Love Marylin.
I'm sitting at my desk in my new studio/office/workspace (choose one) and I fuck-ing-love-it. I pulled it all together today and it's pretty much done. My desk is so much bigger, I have storage, I have a balcony with sunlight and fresh-air - the only thing I can complain about at the moment is the white-trash neighbours who sit outside and drink beer while talking much too loudly about nothing and occasionally getting into a verbal match where whoever can swear at the other the loudest and most inappropriately wins.
But I say, they're all winners *thumbs up*
I live in one of the good neighbourhoods in Hamilton and these people stick out like a sore thumb.
Anyway, I can't let myself get stressed out about it. I've been in de-stress mode since last Sunday morning at meditation.
You see, when meditating, one is still. Breathe. Relax. Let thoughts drift away. Bring awareness to the moment. It's a wonderful thing. Jodie and I started going to Sunday morning meditation at a Buddhist temple up the mountain and we both loved going - it made the whole rest of the week better. But we stopped going due to early mornings being hard and most likely approaching cold weather.
Now it's about a year later and we're dragging our asses back into Bodhisattva-ness damnit.
Last Sunday was our first time back and it was an eye-opener.
I sat on the cushion, tried to relax, breathe, close my eyes.
First sensation - racing thoughts. Not just racing thoughts, but thoughts flashing by at a frequency so fast that I could hardly decipher what the thoughts were about.
Since last summer I've been working pretty hard at not having to think those thoughts that make me worried, sad, anxious, afraid, etc. T.V. on every night, all night long as I slept because the t.v. would allow me to fall asleep without having to be alone with my thoughts. The t.v. was the distraction. I didn't care what was on, as long as it distracted me, put my brain on zombie mode, I guess you could say.
Having the t.v. on while you sleep is SO bad for you. You don't get a proper rest and you don't remember your dreams. You wake up feeling gross. Also, it's addicting.
When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is check my email, and then I'm pretty much on the computer all day. More distraction.
I'd been living like this for months and months and I had no idea I was even stressed out.
So last Sunday was the first time in a LONG time that I was forced to be completely quiet, still, aware, and it was as if all those thoughts I'd been distracting myself from came flooding through, the damn had broke. It was disturbing.
I then became aware of my breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Long, slow, smooth breaths - that's what I tried to do... except my breaths came out short, shaky, and uneven. I couldn't breathe, that's how stressed I was.
My third sensation was pain. Nothing new, but it was worse than usual - perhaps because I was attempting to unclench from months of a stiff, tight body? Or perhaps it was merely because I was paying attention.
It was a horrible morning and left me depressed for the rest of the day. But it also opened my eyes to how poorly I take care of myself. So I decided then and there that I couldn't go on like that anymore and here I am a week later, already feeling so much better.
It's really sad when you tell your shrink that you "started to eat and breathe this week." I didn't realize how crazy that sounded till she pointed it out. Shit. What the fuck am I doing to myself?
Right. So tomorrow morning is attempt number two at meditating - I look forward to it.
Oh, and I've canceled my cable so there's nothing on anymore. Ha!
It appears as though I've rambled on quite a bit already. You might wanna take a bathroom break, cause I have a lot more to talk about.
Okay you're back! lol
George.
George racked up a $450 vet bill the other week (talk about stress). You may remember me mentioning that I took pictures of his asshole? Well I took him to the vet and it turned out he had a bladder infection - apparently bladder infections do weird things to male cats *shrugs.* He had to stay at the vet for two nights and they sent him home with two different medications and a plastic cone around his neck.
First let me tell you: George just might look cuter when he's wearing his cone then when he's not. It's too sweet to describe - I have to recommend getting your cat a cone. Pictures are coming, don't worry.
George is also freakishly undisturbed by this huge cone around his neck: he's been wearing it for a week and a half straight with zero problems. And don't tell him I told you this, but the thing is on so loosely that he could just slip his head out of it if he wanted to.
My theory? He doesn't want to.
I didn't get off that easy though. He's being so stubborn about taking his pills. I've tried disguising them in all kinds of yummy things - bacon even! He's onto me. He knows what's up. He eats around the pill or he eats the food then spits the pill out, still intact!
I've had good luck for the past two days with some wet food and cat milk so I just pray it lasts till he's done his meds cause he needs to get rid of his infection - poor guy.
And that's what's up with George - he has an exciting life.
Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Heard of it?
Me neither. Well, at least up till a few weeks ago. Now I know very well what it is. It seems my epic Suzi Blu blog post caught their attention and inspired an article of their own - it's apparently part of a series on whores, according the site. Karma really is a bitch.
On to more important things: I've watched three Monty Python movies so far and they rock: Holy Grail, Life Of Brian, and Meaning Of Life. I feel there's a good chance I might start 'getting' the references people make now lol.
I also got in a few other movies in the past couple weeks:
Chaplin - definitely good enough to own. Jersey Girl - wtf? I'd like my hour and a half back please. The Hours - I've probably watched this six times in the past two weeks and have officially added it to my list of favourites. He's Just Not That Into You - no.
The white trash are blasting hip-hop... bad hip-hop.
Hey, while I'm on pet-peeves, is it just me or is it incredibly annoying when the elevator door opens and you start to walk out but people start walking in instead of letting you walk out first? Isn't it proper elevator etiquette to let those who are in the elevator get off before the people waiting for the elevator get on? Yes, I think it is. And if it's isn't, it damn well should be.
I think that's good enough for now as far as blog posts go.
For me, blogging is cathartic, so when I go a while without doing it, I start getting a bit antsy.
P.S. My mum unloaded a fuck-ton of good quality oil paints and some acrylics too. I'm going to take a bath in them now.
-Love Marylin.
May 30, 2009
Nothing To See Here
Where do I even begin creating a banner/header for my blog? I used to be half-decent at doing that stuff, now I'd rather hire someone. Anyway, I need to make one as soon as possible because the current one just isn't cutting it for me.
My dear friend, Brenda, gave birth to a baby boy today - that is awesome, she's always wanted to be a mother and now she is... can't wait to meet him, he probably has red hair just like his mommy!
I had big plans for the weekend, plans to get a lot of shit done, but I haven't been able to stop sleeping! I have no idea why I'm so tired, but tired I am and I've done practically nothing productive.
Meh, my body wants sleep, I'll give it sleep, and get to work when I'm nice and rested.
I took pictures of George's asshole earlier today.
Yup, kitty porn. And no, I'm not joking. There's something wrong with his asshole and I needed to show Lexi - the queen of cat butts to get her opinion.
The things I do for those I love...
Another trip to the vet may be in store. Yay.
I can't write for shit when I'm this tired.
Sean brought some movies over the other night, all of which I've never seen. We watched 'A Fish Called Wanda' - very funny! He also brought 'Spaceballs' and since I've never seen 'Star Wars' I might not 'get it' but hopefully it'll be entertaining anyway.
Last but not least, he brought 'Monty Python - The Holy Grail' - my first time seeing any Monty Python! I watched half of it last night and give it the thumbs up. I'll watch the other half tonight and I'm sure this will just make me want to watch the other ones.
It's pretty bad, all the movies/shows I have not seen. Scary, really. You'd think I was raised Amish or some such weirdness.
Aaaanyway, Sean is helping me get a proper movie education. He also brought over a saw for me to borrow... don't ask!
Speaking of movies, Jodie is a bit of a film-connoisseur and did a very good thing - she started a blog about it! It's brand new, but I recommend subscribing cause she does know films! It's aptly named, She Watches Too Many Movies.
Did I mention how tired I am?
Anyway, this is my favourite part so far of the Monty Python Movie:
-Love Marylin.
My dear friend, Brenda, gave birth to a baby boy today - that is awesome, she's always wanted to be a mother and now she is... can't wait to meet him, he probably has red hair just like his mommy!
I had big plans for the weekend, plans to get a lot of shit done, but I haven't been able to stop sleeping! I have no idea why I'm so tired, but tired I am and I've done practically nothing productive.
Meh, my body wants sleep, I'll give it sleep, and get to work when I'm nice and rested.
I took pictures of George's asshole earlier today.
Yup, kitty porn. And no, I'm not joking. There's something wrong with his asshole and I needed to show Lexi - the queen of cat butts to get her opinion.
The things I do for those I love...
Another trip to the vet may be in store. Yay.
I can't write for shit when I'm this tired.
Sean brought some movies over the other night, all of which I've never seen. We watched 'A Fish Called Wanda' - very funny! He also brought 'Spaceballs' and since I've never seen 'Star Wars' I might not 'get it' but hopefully it'll be entertaining anyway.
Last but not least, he brought 'Monty Python - The Holy Grail' - my first time seeing any Monty Python! I watched half of it last night and give it the thumbs up. I'll watch the other half tonight and I'm sure this will just make me want to watch the other ones.
It's pretty bad, all the movies/shows I have not seen. Scary, really. You'd think I was raised Amish or some such weirdness.
Aaaanyway, Sean is helping me get a proper movie education. He also brought over a saw for me to borrow... don't ask!
Speaking of movies, Jodie is a bit of a film-connoisseur and did a very good thing - she started a blog about it! It's brand new, but I recommend subscribing cause she does know films! It's aptly named, She Watches Too Many Movies.
Did I mention how tired I am?
Anyway, this is my favourite part so far of the Monty Python Movie:
-Love Marylin.
May 22, 2009
The Popcorn Was Good
Went and saw 'Angels & Demons' with Jodie tonight: the verdict? It was just as good/bad as 'The Da Vinci Code' was, a.k.a. it was better than a kick in the head.
Going to see a movie can be fun, but I rarely ever do. Why? Most movies that are played in theaters where I live aren't worth the trouble. If I want to see them bad enough, I'll wait and pirate the damn thing. Arrrrr! I was going to say, 'most movies they play in theaters (period) aren't worth the trouble' but Jodie says apparently they do have worthy movies played in other cities, like Toronto, for instance. Well I never go to Toronto so that sucks for me.
But as I was saying, most new movies (ahem Hollywood) are what I like to call "distraction movies." They serve the purpose of numbing my mind when I need to stop thinking and relax and forget my troubles and be distracted from life. They also sometimes provide laughs as a bonus.
I don't understand the industry, I just don't. They're remaking 'Melrose Place'? WTF is what I have to say to that. Why do they keep remaking everything! It always makes me feel bad for those ideas that are pushed aside in lieu of what's 'hot' - a real artist put work into something original and new, and we get to see a cast of bad actors in a t.v. show that is better off left alone... to live peacefully in film heaven, where bad shows/movies go to die.
Going to see a movie can be fun, but I rarely ever do. Why? Most movies that are played in theaters where I live aren't worth the trouble. If I want to see them bad enough, I'll wait and pirate the damn thing. Arrrrr! I was going to say, 'most movies they play in theaters (period) aren't worth the trouble' but Jodie says apparently they do have worthy movies played in other cities, like Toronto, for instance. Well I never go to Toronto so that sucks for me.
But as I was saying, most new movies (ahem Hollywood) are what I like to call "distraction movies." They serve the purpose of numbing my mind when I need to stop thinking and relax and forget my troubles and be distracted from life. They also sometimes provide laughs as a bonus.
I don't understand the industry, I just don't. They're remaking 'Melrose Place'? WTF is what I have to say to that. Why do they keep remaking everything! It always makes me feel bad for those ideas that are pushed aside in lieu of what's 'hot' - a real artist put work into something original and new, and we get to see a cast of bad actors in a t.v. show that is better off left alone... to live peacefully in film heaven, where bad shows/movies go to die.
So I pay for cable and rarely change the channel - it's almost exclusively on channel 44 - Comedy Central. I put it on for distraction and because 90% of what's on t.v. is just. so. sad. And I'm not talking depressing.
And I've been twiddling my thumbs for over a year waiting for 'The Rum Diary' and 'Dali & I: The Surreal Story' to come out. Those are the only two movies I'm whole-heartedly eager to hand over cash to see on the big screen. They're both supposed to come out this year, but who knows. I know that 'The Rum Diary' is in production only because I've seen pictures of Johnny Depp on set. As for the Dali film, I've heard squat.
Realistically, if these two films end up being GOOD, they will likely end up going straight to DVD *shakes head*
In the meantime, I think I'll save my money and stay home.
-Love Marylin
March 22, 2009
It Runs In The Family
Trying to distract myself by working on web stuff, I'm so sick of the blah-ness of this blog but I was too busy messing around with my profile that I'm kinda too tired to start messing with colours... css and me are not the best of friends.
I recently started a LiveJournal, light pink and white, a far cry from this black black black blog. Whatever. That's not really what I wanna talk about.
I just wanna get off my chest that
I'm tired of the way things are my hair is always getting wet I'm always in the undertow I'm always in the undertow. The rape you gave me, take it back, the sick and twisted love you spoke, you spoke and now I never never want to hear your voice again. Things are NEVER going to be the same. I'm too fucking strong. Just knock me down, knock me down and watch me thrive on it... THRIVE on it. Enough. Done. Done. Done. I've cracked too many times this year already to remain in the shell, it's broken now. Broken. Fuck. You. Good. Bye. I'm waking up now.
i can run using every last ounce of energy
i cannot
i cannot
i cannot
run from my family
they’re hiding inside me
corpses on ice
come in if you’d like
but just don’t tell my family
they’d never forgive me
they’ll say that i’m crazy
but they would say anything if it would
shut me up.....
-Love Marylin.
I recently started a LiveJournal, light pink and white, a far cry from this black black black blog. Whatever. That's not really what I wanna talk about.
I just wanna get off my chest that
I'm tired of the way things are my hair is always getting wet I'm always in the undertow I'm always in the undertow. The rape you gave me, take it back, the sick and twisted love you spoke, you spoke and now I never never want to hear your voice again. Things are NEVER going to be the same. I'm too fucking strong. Just knock me down, knock me down and watch me thrive on it... THRIVE on it. Enough. Done. Done. Done. I've cracked too many times this year already to remain in the shell, it's broken now. Broken. Fuck. You. Good. Bye. I'm waking up now.
i can run using every last ounce of energy
i cannot
i cannot
i cannot
run from my family
they’re hiding inside me
corpses on ice
come in if you’d like
but just don’t tell my family
they’d never forgive me
they’ll say that i’m crazy
but they would say anything if it would
shut me up.....
-Love Marylin.
March 10, 2009
Between Safe And Dangerous Waters
I fell asleep earlier today watching a four hour-long documentary about Mark Twain... nothing against the man, I just haven't been able to stay awake for long intervals these past few days. So far I'm impressed. He was born Samuel Clemens. He gave himself the name Mark Twain, which is the signal for being in between dangerous and safe waters. Very cool. I'll have to get back to that when I have the energy.
I'm the kinda gal who has a lot of time on her hands to think, so I know I do too much of that, but I say it's better than not thinking enough. When the television turns on, that's when people should start worrying: that is when I've thought myself into my own little hell and the only thing dumb enough to distract me is the T.V.
I hate the T.V. and I'm like some drooling, catatonic, shell of a person who can't muster up enough will to do anything but sleep. I put the T.V. on and let the noises fill my empty apartment, so that something else seems to live here, something I can pay attention to to forget myself.
Let me ask you this: have you ever really sat down with your thoughts and wondered what it is that you REALLY get out of bed for everyday? I mean, seriously, it might be your children, your significant other, your family, your friends, your career, or maybe you don't even have a reason, you just do it mindlessly because that's the way it is.
Well I'm too awake these days to do most things mindlessly, so I do not have an answer that comes to mind for this question. I have partial reasons, reasons I LIKE to live but that can easily be discounted in my mind as not REAL enough reasons to want to wake up everyday.
I want to write. I can't write if I'm dead. I have a hard-on for nature, though I rarely get to see any. I want to be with some people whom I love very much, but nothing lasts forever so I won't get to be with them always anyway. I wouldn't mind more mind-blowing orgasms either, but sex is unreliable too.
I'm just saying, these are all great reasons to get out of bed everyday, but not one of them seems relevant enough to be THE reason. What is my reason? What the fuck am I doing awake? I'm not saying I don't want to be alive, I'm just having a hard time not knowing why I remain so.
-Love Marylin.
I'm the kinda gal who has a lot of time on her hands to think, so I know I do too much of that, but I say it's better than not thinking enough. When the television turns on, that's when people should start worrying: that is when I've thought myself into my own little hell and the only thing dumb enough to distract me is the T.V.
I hate the T.V. and I'm like some drooling, catatonic, shell of a person who can't muster up enough will to do anything but sleep. I put the T.V. on and let the noises fill my empty apartment, so that something else seems to live here, something I can pay attention to to forget myself.
Let me ask you this: have you ever really sat down with your thoughts and wondered what it is that you REALLY get out of bed for everyday? I mean, seriously, it might be your children, your significant other, your family, your friends, your career, or maybe you don't even have a reason, you just do it mindlessly because that's the way it is.
Well I'm too awake these days to do most things mindlessly, so I do not have an answer that comes to mind for this question. I have partial reasons, reasons I LIKE to live but that can easily be discounted in my mind as not REAL enough reasons to want to wake up everyday.
I want to write. I can't write if I'm dead. I have a hard-on for nature, though I rarely get to see any. I want to be with some people whom I love very much, but nothing lasts forever so I won't get to be with them always anyway. I wouldn't mind more mind-blowing orgasms either, but sex is unreliable too.
I'm just saying, these are all great reasons to get out of bed everyday, but not one of them seems relevant enough to be THE reason. What is my reason? What the fuck am I doing awake? I'm not saying I don't want to be alive, I'm just having a hard time not knowing why I remain so.
-Love Marylin.
October 12, 2008
July 13, 2008
Clam Songs
So my friend has this chick on his messenger and her display picture is her gad damn clam! Her CLAAAAAM! Her cookie, her snatch, her special place, her pussy, her box, her hoho, her vessel of life!
What's that about? Seriously.
*Shakes head*
Anywho, all stupidity aside, I got the awesomest present from Don :) He made me one of those cool books where it's a book but there's a secret compartment inside where you can put shit that you wanna hide or whatnot.
I've always wanted one, and those are the BEST kinda gifts, ones with alot of thought and homemade!
Don rocks!
Sooo what else is new... I dunno... I made my very first pseudo video using Windows Movie Maker: just used some pics and text with an audio of me reading a poem from my book. It's pretty crappy but it was fun and I threw it on youtube to maybe sell a few more copies ;) But I'd like to experiment more with making videos because it's fun shit!
I'm reading a book called 'The Essence of Buddhism
' that's been on my bookshelf for longer than I'd like to say. The Buddhism theme has been popping up like crazy in my life from so many sources that I finally decided I should learn some more about it. I also downloaded a documentary about Buddhism called 'How To Cook Your Life' that Brenda recommended - I'll be watching that shortly.
Jodie lent me a book called 'Skinny Bitch
' that I devoured in one evening - an excellent read and so informative: I thought I knew alot about food but this book taught me much more. From what I've learned thus far, I should be a vegan lol. My compromise is slowly cutting out/replacing meat and dairy in my diet. Ultimately I will still consume these products, but ALOT less frequently than now. I'm basically eating little to no meat right now as it is, so that part won't be too difficult.
Hmmm I'm also reading 'Vein Of Gold
' by Julia Cameron.
I did her 'Artists Way' book a few times in the past (and what a wonderful book by the way) and attempted 'Vein Of Gold' quite a while ago but ended up putting it down for a looong time. Well I'm back at it and it seems alright so far. We'll see if it's as good as TAW or not.
For those of you who don't know, Julia Cameron writes books that focus on unblocking creativity. The books are hands-on and from my experience, do wonders to kill that creative censor and get you doing what you should be doing.
Picking VOG back up was sparked not long ago by something quite bad that happened in my life - after deciding NOT to give up, for some strange and inexplicable reason, the main thing keeping me going and helping me has been doing art. I'm not a visual artist: I've always played with it and enjoyed doing it time and again, but it's not where my talent lies and so I've always kept it as a side hobby. Writing has always been my form of art, and still is, but now this need to make visual art has crept up and I honestly don't care to analyze it because it's one of the things keeping me going right now... just doing it, enjoying the process, not attempting to make masterpieces but just playing like a child would I suppose.
So there ya go, life is odd that way.
I suppose that's all for now.
-Love Marylin.
What's that about? Seriously.
*Shakes head*
Anywho, all stupidity aside, I got the awesomest present from Don :) He made me one of those cool books where it's a book but there's a secret compartment inside where you can put shit that you wanna hide or whatnot.
I've always wanted one, and those are the BEST kinda gifts, ones with alot of thought and homemade!
Don rocks!
Sooo what else is new... I dunno... I made my very first pseudo video using Windows Movie Maker: just used some pics and text with an audio of me reading a poem from my book. It's pretty crappy but it was fun and I threw it on youtube to maybe sell a few more copies ;) But I'd like to experiment more with making videos because it's fun shit!
I'm reading a book called 'The Essence of Buddhism
' that's been on my bookshelf for longer than I'd like to say. The Buddhism theme has been popping up like crazy in my life from so many sources that I finally decided I should learn some more about it. I also downloaded a documentary about Buddhism called 'How To Cook Your Life' that Brenda recommended - I'll be watching that shortly.Jodie lent me a book called 'Skinny Bitch
' that I devoured in one evening - an excellent read and so informative: I thought I knew alot about food but this book taught me much more. From what I've learned thus far, I should be a vegan lol. My compromise is slowly cutting out/replacing meat and dairy in my diet. Ultimately I will still consume these products, but ALOT less frequently than now. I'm basically eating little to no meat right now as it is, so that part won't be too difficult.Hmmm I'm also reading 'Vein Of Gold
' by Julia Cameron.I did her 'Artists Way' book a few times in the past (and what a wonderful book by the way) and attempted 'Vein Of Gold' quite a while ago but ended up putting it down for a looong time. Well I'm back at it and it seems alright so far. We'll see if it's as good as TAW or not.
For those of you who don't know, Julia Cameron writes books that focus on unblocking creativity. The books are hands-on and from my experience, do wonders to kill that creative censor and get you doing what you should be doing.
Picking VOG back up was sparked not long ago by something quite bad that happened in my life - after deciding NOT to give up, for some strange and inexplicable reason, the main thing keeping me going and helping me has been doing art. I'm not a visual artist: I've always played with it and enjoyed doing it time and again, but it's not where my talent lies and so I've always kept it as a side hobby. Writing has always been my form of art, and still is, but now this need to make visual art has crept up and I honestly don't care to analyze it because it's one of the things keeping me going right now... just doing it, enjoying the process, not attempting to make masterpieces but just playing like a child would I suppose.
So there ya go, life is odd that way.
I suppose that's all for now.
-Love Marylin.
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