I Am Exactly The Person That I Want To Be.

I should talk about how I'm on my fifth (or is it fourth... feels like fifth) day of detox from sugar and most high-carb foods/grain, but inspiration doesn't work cohesively so...

I was just in the bath and it occurred to me how I generally seem to be doing well in one area of my life and kinda so-so on most other areas at any given time. 

I've always assumed/hoped that one day in the near future, it would somehow all come together in a beautiful balance and I'd be this "together" person and no longer struggle with mundane things like making sure I do my laundry/pay the bills/take my meds/eat healthy/etc,/etc,/etc,... and I'd be awesome and be free to rock all the creative (or other) pursuits I wanted.

I don't think that's how it works, though.

I think it's possible that I (and many other people) am too hard on myself when it comes to expectations - that I believe most of my happiness will happen to me when I'm that other, future person.

I think, for the most part, we all just try to do our best and that is (has to be) good enough.  Happiness happens now.  Interesting how both those words begin... happiness happens when something is happening.  And that's true. Anyway.

I want to remember this so that I don't waste my days putting too much pressure on myself instead of focusing on what is happening in the moment.

Amanda Palmer puts it perfectly

Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be 

<3 M

How To Be Happy

As laid out in 'The Pleasure Trap,' happiness is nature's way of letting us know we're moving in the right direction, and pain (or painful emotions) let us know when we're doing something wrong.  How does it distinguish between right and wrong?  Happiness is how we feel when we're in pursuit of gratification.  You may think gratification and happiness are the same thing, but apparently they're not.

In nature, our purpose is to a.)eat so that we can live in order to b.)procreate and get that done while c.)preserving energy and avoiding pain.  Each of these things have rewards when you do them - gratification. But if we don't get the gratification until we actually meet the goal, then what motivates us to stay on task?  It's not knowing that you'll be gratified - if that were the case we would all have no trouble achieving all our goals just because we know we'll feel good when they happen.

When you're on a journey, you use a compass to point you to north. If you get lost, you feel bad, discouraged, frustrated, etc. but when you get on the right track you feel a sense of purpose, you know you're where you should be, and you feel good.

The compass we have inside is our emotions.  It's as simple as that - if you feel happy, you're doing good.  If you feel bad, something isn't right.

The mistake a lot of us make is not enjoying the journey because we think we can't be happy until we've reached our destination/goals.  But the point is that happiness doesn't come from achieving, it comes from the journey to achievement.  So what's the point of achievement?

Humans still have those same innate instincts for survival that the rest of the animal kingdom have, the difference is how we live in society verses out in nature: our journeys and destinations may look a lot different, but we're still wired the same.

My point is, if gratification = happiness, and we want to be happy most of the time, than we'd all be fucking, gorging on fatty foods, and relaxing all the time.  If gratification = happiness, we'd all die out in no time.

Happiness is the pursuit of gratification, and gratification is doing something that helps your survival.  Survival just looks a lot different for us than it does in the animal kingdom.

So paying attention to how you're feeling now is important - you want to make sure you're on the right track and if you are on the right track, you're gonna wanna be present to actually enjoy the happiness.  And if you're not on the right track?  You can do something to get back on the right one.

Todays' lesson - always pursue goals that are important to you and what you value.  Enjoy the journey and the destination is unavoidable.

<3 M

Cooking Lessons From Mum

I've recently decided to properly learn how to cook: I've asked my mother to give me lessons on the classics and techniques used by professional chefs.  It should be an interesting experience - my mother is the scariest food critic I know!

My mother is a real chef.  She has the natural talent and before she got sick, she cooked up a storm, day after day, year after year, impressing everyone who tasted her food.

At one point she decided to go to school to become a professional.  I was really young at the time (around 8 I think) so I don't remember much, but I do know she was really happy, maybe happier than she'd been in a long time as she has suffered severe depression all of her life.  And as far as I know, she was getting all A's too!

This is a great example of someone pursuing their passion.  My mother loved to cook for people - she loved making them happy through delicious food.  This was her gift.  Now she was taking that passion and making a career out of it.

The sad part of this story is that she left school before finishing to go take care of her dying mother.  She could have said no, but that is not my mother.  She didn't go back to school after her mother died - I don't know if it was because of money or another reason, but I do know she regretted it.

She certainly didn't stop cooking, though.  And she tried her hand at catering for some time.

Then she started to get sick and eventually was not able to cook like she once did.  Now she is in a wheelchair, mind you, even in her wheelchair she can cook circles around most people, but any dream of being a professional chef is no longer in her realm of possibilities.

My mother and I are very different in our attitudes of life:  she is more on the pessimistic side of things while I am of the belief that anything is possible and 'if there's a will, there's a way.'

With the right attitude and outlook on life, a person stuck in a wheelchair can definitely be a professional chef.  It just takes imagination and determination, and confidence, of course.  I'm not saying anyone can do it: everyone has different circumstances to contend with in their lives and I can easily see why my mother hasn't adopted my way of thinking on the subject - she has had one hell of a hard life and when you're doing battle with countless blocks and disabilities, both mental and physical, it can be impossible to see any opportunity for a brighter future.  And it is sad.

Recently I've been watching the show 'Masterchef US' and in the third season there is a woman who is completely blind.  Not only did she get into the competition, but she excelled and has made it to the finals.  Imagine, blind, running around the kitchen with sharp knives, steaming pots preparing and excelling at delicate and professional dishes.  Very inspirational.

I'm coming to believe that success in these times comes from thinking way outside the box and throwing convention to the curb.  If there's a true desire, there is a way to work around the circumstances to make it happen.  There is no problem that does not have a solution.

Where there's a will, there's a way.





<3 M