11:11:11

(IM conversation on 11.10.11)

marylin houle 10:49 AM 
tomorrow is 11.11.11

brian 10:49 AM
so it is

marylin houle 10:49 AM
that's pretty important

brian 10:49 AM
y

marylin houle 10:50 AM
it's an important spiritual number, hard to explain, you should google it

brian 10:53 AM
just seems like a lot of numerologytheory
a lot of doomsday stuff, weddings, a movie released about it
veterans/rememberance day

marylin houle 10:59 AM
well, it's more than that. years and years ago i noticed i was seeing different variations of the number 1 - like 11:11 or 1:1 and that kind of thing, but mostly 11.11. anyway, seems like coincidence, but it kept happening so much so that it was starting to get freaky. it was happening all the time, i was seeing it on everything. I would look at the clock precisely at 11:11 all the time or wake up and the clock would be at 11:11. It was freaking me out. Then a few years later (it was still happening, it just seemed to go in cycles) i found out online that there's a whole crap load of people out there who have the same exact thing happen to them. It was freaky. The gist of it apparently, was that it is supposed to be an "awakening" number meant to stimulate something inside of certain "energy workers" - sounds loopy, I know, but it's also eerily familiar and right as well
i still see it in cycles, usually when I am on the right track

brian 11:00 AM
i used to have the same experience a long time ago, but for me it was 12:33

marylin houle 11:00 AM
well, if you read about it, different people see different numbers, but the main one is 11.
i try to be skeptical about it but having experienced what i did, it's hard

brian 11:01 AM
numbers ARE fascinating

marylin houle 11:02 AM
well, they are so part of everything.

brian 11:02 AM
as a part of a global consciouness, humans see numbers and patterns and interpret them in their own ways.
but I think it's because we want to control the numbers, not because the numbers control us

marylin houle 11:03 AM
i don't think it's either
numbers can't control anything. and people want to control everything, but they can't lol

brian 11:04 AM
11:11:11 is a date that is based on calendar system created by humans. And that's not even a global thing, that is a western thing. other parts of the world use different systems

marylin houle 11:05 AM
what does that have to do with anything though. the number 11 is not just in a calendar

brian 11:05 AM
no but this instance of it is.

marylin houle 11:06 AM
yes, tomorrow

brian 11:06 AM
another thing to consider is that the repetition of 1s in eleven is also a human creation -- the base 10 number system

marylin houle 11:07 AM
that doesn't really make a difference though
in this matter

brian 11:07 AM
explain

marylin houle 11:08 AM
just because something is man made, does not mean it can't have spiritual meaning, whether attributed by man himself and/or coming from a spiritual realm as some kind of expression to man for whatever reason

brian 11:08 AM
ah i see what you mean
personally I think it is the first thing you said
but it could be either

marylin houle 11:11 AM
it could be either or both or none, in this case i'm not sure it matters because it is a positive thing for most and i don't believe in coincidence so i think it's a phenomenon joining these people together for a reason, whatever that reason may be, but their intentions are purely about healing and awakening

brian 11:11 AM
i tend to agree with that

marylin houle 11:11 AM
and i just looked at the clock at and it's 11:11
lol

brian 11:11 AM
so it is






<3 M

Don't Drink The Wormwood!

I set the timer for three 15 minute intervals in a row: do you have any idea how much you can get accomplished in 15 minutes?  It's ridiculous.  I kept having to check the timer to see if it was broken because it seems like it should have gone off already.  Nope.  I got a lot more done than I set out to do because of this little trick - but more importantly, I got off my ass and started.  Fifteen minutes.  Mind you for more physical jobs like cleaning the apartment I think ten minutes may be a better idea, depending on my pain levels that day, because I found myself needing to sit around the ten minute mark.  But I pushed on I did!

Then I made myself a Swanson's microwave dinner and Mel came over.

And like the magi she is, she brought me frankincense and myrrh. This is the same friend whose handfasting I was at last Saturday, the one who was married by Santa :-D

I made a pot of wormwood tea.  Have you ever had wormwood tea?  It tastes like you're chewing aspirin.  No exaggeration. In fact, it's possibly worse than that. I got the stuff from Brian, who told me it was not possible to finish a whole cup of the stuff because of how nasty it tastes.  I had to test this theory, plus I wanted to see what effects it would have since it is well known for its ability to bring altered states and enhance the third eye etc. and since we were going to do readings, that would have been fitting. So we did our best to tolerate the horrific taste (with O.J. chasers).  I managed to finish half a cup, Mel was a real trooper and managed to finish all of hers.

The effects were good but not THAT good. Not good enough to repeat. I'll take my wormwood in incense form, thank you.

It was a nice, witchy night.

There's a story about her earrings that I find interesting:

Mel's step-mother gave her a pair of earrings that were owned by her sister.

The sister's name was Dana "Poppy" Pastori.  Poppy was her slave name.  She was planning to leave her bf/Master but I guess he didn't want to release her because instead, he strangled her and chopped her up into pieces which he then mummified and shoved into a box.

Her body was in that box for three years and then came Hurricane Katrina.  That's when her body was discovered.  He had kept her with him, even BROUGHT HER WITH HIM when he and his new gf moved.

Now he's in prison.

And her sister (Mel's step-mother) gave Mel the earrings that Dana had been wearing in that box the whole three years.  She told Mel she wanted her sister's spirit to "live with her."

So now Mel has these earrings...

Before mentioning any of this, Mel asked me to tell her what I felt from them (psychically).  That was on Saturday right before she was handfasted.  I felt nervous excitement.  Then I felt like the oxygen was cut off from my head and my ears started ringing.  So Mel then told me a bit about where they came from.

I held them again tonight, this time I felt like I was being pushed down and had a cutting pain in my arm right above the elbow.  Then Mel filled me in on a lot more of the details about these earrings.

I asked why her step-mother would want her sister's spirit to live with her rather than to move on - kinda weird don't ya think? But as the step-mother wished, Dana's spirit seems to now be hanging around Mel.  At least that's what she tells me.  But at least she's trying to help the woman move on, and I find it pretty cool that she seems to mainly be doing so in her dreams (yay dreams!).

Now there's a good lesson for all you Dom(me)s and Masters/Mistresses out there: if your slave wants to be released, it means s/he wants to end things, it does not mean you should go mental and pull an "if I can't have you, no one will" or something equally as psycho.

P.S. I love you Master! mwa!


<3 M

I Can Haz Chocolate?

I figure it's time for some sort of update as I haven't posted in a while.  My mood's been low but I'm still kicking.  I went through a couple of bad dating experiences in the last few months and it just deflated me.  I don't handle pain well, ya see.  Then again, who does?  Right now I'm just trying to bring myself back up - I have absolutely no energy for most things and I just wanna go to bed.  A couple of other really hard things have come up now too and my emotions are very confused and fragile because of it.  So if anyone wonders why I've been acting crazier than usual, or why I'm doing fuck-all, now you know and hopefully forgive me.  If you read this blog and wonder if the girl called 'Marylin' is ever actually happy, the answer is 'yes, yes she is.'  It is only the fact that I do a lot of my blogging when I'm feeling down because I find it extremely healing - that is why this place paints such an angsty picture.

Now that that's out of the way... let's see what I wanna talk about.

Last Friday I went to two interesting stores with Jodie and Mike: first, Ways To Wisdom, which I've been to before, then, a Catholic supply store that I forget the name of down in the east end, which I've never been to.

Ways To Wisdom is a fun store if you're into spirituality and occult-type stuff, which I am.  Aside from the ridiculously high prices, it's a great store - a lot of interesting books on varying topics and any kind of thing you might want, from herbs and candles, to jewelery and oracle cards.  I found a beautiful set of cards but too much moola.  Anyway, it was fun times.

Then to the Catholic supply store.  This is a store that sells... well, Catholic stuff.  Books, bibles, rosaries, pictures of Jesus, crucifixes, candles, economy packs of the communion host, and priest's robes.  Not remembering where I was, the first thing I did when I walked in the door upon seeing a ginormous poster of Jesus's face was exclaim "holy mary mother of god!!!"  This set the tone for the experience.  The store clerk proceeded to administer dirty looks as we browsed and asked questions regarding each of our standing in the Catholic church.  The judgmental tone did not go unnoticed when asked what church I go to.  I nervously responded, feeling like no time had passed by since I was a kid being taught to be very very afraid and very very ashamed by the very adults meant to shape my mind for the future.  Why the need to feel guilty for just standing there, examining merchandise?  No need, just the natural way of things I suppose: the church can have a strong hold on a person, most especially those who grew up in it.  My fifty-something year old father is still strongly affected by his attendance at Catholic elementary school - I've only been cut loose for a decade and a half.

I walked out of that store and noticed I was holding my breath.  Wow.  That is what I call powerful black magic.  I found the experience of both stores interesting to in comparison and thought I'd share.  I'm not saying any one spiritual path is better or worse than another, I'm just speaking my own experience.  Though I will openly admit I am vehemently against organized religion that uses guilt and fear and any other cult-like device to keep its followers in control - I consider that a form of harm and therefore, bad karma.  Not to mention it does nothing to allow for real spiritual growth.  For me, I don't do religion, and this is just me, I'm not against religion per say (sp?), but I'm personally unable to fit inside a box.  I'm spiritual, and that is good enough for me.  I could talk on this subject forever so I'll move on.

I'll move on to somewhat political things... I guess I'm in the mood to discuss the un-discussable topics.

I don't know how many of you have noticed, but the world is going to 'hell in a handbag' at incredible speed these days.  If you're keeping up with the goings-on of the world,  you might have noticed things are pretty bad and getting worse.  Some people wonder why I talk about conspiracies, thinking I'm a nut or something, but what I talk about is what I see and hear right in front of my face: I read the and watch various news sources, I learn about the history of what is going on, the history of war, the history of politics and religion and whatever else will help make sense of current affairs, I listen to the words and watch the actions of those in power and I feel the need to speak out about it, because I care.

What I don't understand are people who think that everything anti-establishment or anti-government is either conspiracy theory craziness or some sort of anarchy.  This doesn't make sense.  This is no different then a "conspiracy nut" who thinks that every single thing is a conspiracy.  Different sides of the same coin.  Either of these cases are ones in which the person is not being objective and if you can't be objective, you're not really going to find out the truth.  It's the same as science: if you're only hoping for one conclusion in an experiment then you are likely to either ignore any result that does not fit your expectations or you're likely to steer the variables in the direction of your bias.  It's just bad science.

Here is what I hope people will do: read it anyway.  Even if you think something is ridiculous or the opinion of some nut-job, read it/watch it anyway.  And don't discount everything that is not the 'norm' just because you disagree with some things that are not popular opinion.  Opening yourself up to all view points makes for a much stronger knowledge base to go on.  Don't stop learning.  Be careful not to discount something just because it seems outrageous.  Outrageous things do happen.  Look at our history and you can plainly see that.  I believe it was Galileo who was tried by the Inquisition, found "vehemently suspect of heresy," forced to recant, and spent the rest of his life under house arrest for suggesting that the earth was not the center of the universe.  This is just a quick example but you get my drift.

And with that 'lecture' I will leave you with this bit of truth from an oldie but a goodie:





Okay and maybe a little George Carlin for good measure ;o)




Love M

Hey! I'm Blogging Here!

Meh I just feel like writing random things.  I'm having kind of a blah Friday night here with George (actually, it's just me, George is too cool to hang out with me so he's chillin' on the bed).  Listening to the few tracks available right now by Evelyn Evelyn.  Watched 'Capturing The Friedmans' whilst working on an art piece (believe it or not, inspired by Mr. Picasso, even though the actual piece really has nothing to do with him or his work... figure that one out... I haz artistic license bitches).  Bob Dylan's on now.

I'm simultaneously gathering video, audio, and images of the good doctor (Hunter S. Thompson, of course) to put on a disc for future enjoyment.  I just don't get tired of that man and his genius.  He really is beyond fascination and more closely definable in spiritual terms... a deity... more important than sliced bread.  Or maybe this is just the fixative fumes talking - they're pretty strong.  The can says not to smoke...

I wish I had bought that bottle of wine after all.

Know what's ridiculous?  The fact that the majority of us westerners live in perpetual preparation for the future, whether it be the next half hour from now, the next month, the next decade, doesn't matter, it's what we do.  And we do this until we die, which means we've never really lived because we were too busy preparing.  And the really dumb part about that is we're not psychic, we don't know exactly what is going to happen in the future and we all know that plans never go the way they're "supposed" to.  What is the point of that?  We live in anxiety, the giant 'to-do' lists dangling above our heads, telling us we'd better not (Steve Sinnicks now) waste any time because we have to get these things done first and then we can enjoy ourselves... lmfao I don't know about you, but I've never not had a to-do list. Sure I get stuff done - but more stuff comes up to replace that stuff I just did and there are always things on that list that sit there FOREVER, taunting me, making me feel bad, lingering at the back of my mind when I'm trying to sleep at night and meanwhile I'm wondering why in the world I have insomnia or why in the world I'm so tense.

Instead of wasting our very short lives worrying about what needs to be accomplished, we should be enjoying the fact that we're alive and actually LIVE. And sure, we can be a bit anal sometimes about getting stuff done, but I really think that should count for the minority of our time, not the majority.  While I'm aware, lovely readers, that I'm far from the first person to point this out (Courtney Love now), these thoughts have recently made their meaning much more relevant to me and they are not just an important philosophy to strive for, so much as a major key in having a reason to get up every morning (I'm the kind of person who needs life to be meaningful, and if there isn't a real meaningful purpose or reason to live, well, that's just fucking depressing.  I also know these thoughts cannot really be stated enough, we all need reminders.

Of course, all of this makes much more sense within a Buddhist, dialectic context: namely mindfulness. Okay, /super enlightening speil... now.

What else is on my mind as of late... men.  I'm sure I'm going to get myself into trouble for something I'm about to say, but don't I always?  I am, after all, the queen of inappropriateness (note the ego).

I've been really pissed at the male species these days because it seems to me, at least in my experiences, that men have the ability to find extra special ways of being douchebags.  And I love men, I love men very much, and I'm not the type of person to typecast a whole group based on the behaviour of a few, but I am batting like, 99/100 here people. It definitely boggles my mind. (hey! fuck you Alexis On Fire! They only have samples on their MySpace page, pffft. Just kidding, love you George! But I'm putting on Sarah Blackwood now...) So anyway, I'm a big fat sucker.  I get stung by men over and over and yet I keep coming back for more.  Okay, maybe I am at least a little bit masochistic, but my tendencies usually go more along the lines of having my nipples pinched, not being lied to, used, blown off, etc.etc.

The only conclusions I've been able to come to are:

1. Men truly are so completely different than women, at least in the way they communicate, act, and often times think.  Duh, we all know that right?
2. Men aren't nearly as brave as we think they are - muscle does not equal heart of steel and so they have many fears and anxieties (just like we do) which seem to be expressed in ways that tend to piss women off.
3. Why? Well I'm assuming it's because society conditions them to "be men" and not show fear.  They're not encouraged to express themselves so how can we expect them to be able to?  I'm not saying they're cavemen who can't communicate, I'm just saying that they're more likely to shut down or fly the coop if fear or difficulty arises.

On the other hand, there does seem to be a plethora of men out there who actually ARE fucking jerks.  I hate to say it, but most of my friends are male and most of them are the ones confirming this conclusion.  Like, lying to someone to get them into bed?  Yeah, that's a jerk thing to do. Fucking jerk.

This line of thought doesn't really have a point, mostly because I have no idea what the moral of the story is, or how one can avoid the jerks or how men can all of the sudden learn to express themselves in healthy ways.  I would like to add, however, that I'm fully aware that us women are nuts as well, we're just nuts in completely different ways then men... both sexes are fucked in our own special ways.  But if you're a guy and  you're reading this, what the hell man?  what the hell...

P.S. I think there should be a 'Thank You' card or something like that for really really good oral sex.



Love M

The Dragonfly

Just for fun the other day I decided to have an impromptu tea leaf reading. The image I saw was clearly a dragonfly. What's cool is that what it says about the dragonfly totem fits for my current situation! I love when stuff like that happens.

Anyway, here's what it said...

..."Dragonfly also teaches us how to combine emotion with rational thought. Dragonflies in the early stages are known as Nymphs and spend most of their lives in the water. They are voracious predators which indicates that Dragonfly can also help one to eat away at anything in our lives that is out of control. They are especially helpful for addictions of all sorts including the more "well known" addictions such as overeating, drinking to excess or drug addictions. Yet procrastination, over spending or maxing credit cards to the limit, daydreaming, overwork and so forth can all be addictions that rob one of the ability to create a balanced, fulfilling life. Most if not all addictions are due to suppressed emotional energies and traumas that are being compensated for through the addiction. Overeating for example can be a "medicine" for feeling unloved and Alcoholism "medicine" for depression. When Dragonfly appears it may indicate that there are addictions or other problems/pests that are "out of control" in your life that need to be examined and resolved. Often the main issue will not always be what it appears to be on the surface, it is important to peer beneath the emotional waters so to speak in order to understand what is really happening!

Once the Dragonfly has emerged as a winged adult, it conquers the air through its swift flight. This indicates that working with Dragonfly energy may also help you come to some swift conclusions or new insights that help propel you into new ways of being and doing. Certainly it is a most important time for seeing through illusions and really hearing the messages that the Universe is sending you at this time. Beliefs that centre on powerlessness, limitation or fear are likely to be up for review and release. You always have the power to choose what you are going to believe in and focus on You always have the power to take action of some sort that will help change your current circumstances for the better. Working with Dragonfly medicine shows that you are ready to step beyond the mass thought of blaming "something out there" for your problems and instead are now getting down to the business of accepting responsibility for what happens in your life by making the appropriate changes as you feel guided."

"...When Dragonfly appears be ready for transformation! This is a long cycle that can take up to 2 years or more and yet the work and effort are well worth it in the end. At times you may feel like you are firewalking your way through life (Dragonflies are really mini Dragons after all!) and yet what is emerging from within you is a sense of your own inner power and faith in a Higher Power that no one can ever take from you! You are in the process of coming to know and understand who you truly are, of connecting with the vast source of power and energy that was given to you by Spirit at the time your Soul came into being. This power has grown within you as you have journeyed through space and time. Now is the time for it to be claimed as your own so you may step forth renewed as the powerful Soul that you came to this earthwalk to express! "

(source: http://morningstar.netfirms.com/dragonfly.html)



Love M

About Stuff And Things

I was just telling my friend earlier that blogging has pretty much become one of my coping tools. That's a pretty cool thing: before blogs/online journals/forums/what-have-you existed, this level of sharing didn't exist to us. There was no way (as far as I know) to write a journal entry and let the world read it (or at least the few wonderful people who subscribe to me).

Some people think that doing so is stupid. Whatever floats your boat, but I've found blogging to be not only cathartic, but probably the most effective tool I have to get through a time of distress.

Anyway, so many blog these days, there must be something to it...

So! I got Akoha in the mail!!!



(Yes that is my address, and yes I do want you to send me mail... friendly mail, that is!)

Anyway, I'm very excited. sunnybananas told me about Akoha Cards and I finally decided to get them. As far as I'm aware, it's an interactive game where the point is to pay-it-forward and the more you do, the more points you get.

These puppies come at a time when I'm feeling the need to be more generous, so I think they'll probably help push me into that frame of mind. Yay!

My only concern is finding people who will 'play' the game. If I use one of the cards on someone, I give them the card and they are supposed to go online and enter the code to indicate it was given to them and they have to pay-it-forward to someone else, and on it goes. The problem is I don't know many people who would be into actually doing that: putting in the code and then paying-it-forward. I dunno, it's probably cause most of the people I know are male... I think gals seems to be more open to this kind of thing.

Sooo now I'm just figuring out where to start :o)

Oooh, shiney new deck:



Don't mind me, I haven't gotten anything good in the mail in a loooong time - I was hurting!


In other news, my first attempt at guacamole was seemingly successful - I thought that shit was complicated to make. Nope.



My next new attempt in the kitchen will be, I believe, biscotti. I don't know why, I just have this compulsion to make biscotti *shrugs*


shrinkingalice asked something on Twitter about wands today. Got me reminiscing... brought out the wand I made a few years back (that's really how long it's been since I've used it) and after admiring the awesomeness of it, realized I'd grown out of most of these sorts of tools.

Anyway, I told her that wands are used (in a nutshell) to direct energy. To which she replied "so does it make the energy more powerful than just pointing with your hand or something?"

No. No it does not, lol. And if that is the case, than why do people use them? It's not just the wand, but a plethora of other such tools that every new Witch feels he/she must have.

That's pretty normal. Paganism, in it's huge growth spurt over the years, has gotten quite complex in its many paths and traditions: to try and learn them all would take a lifetime, and each one (some more than others) is so intricate and complex in its many beliefs, rituals, pantheons, and special tools or sacred objects it is quite mind-blowing.

Don't get me wrong, I love that. When you're first starting to learn you just absorb all the information you can. You buy books and (especially books for beginners) these books tell you what tools you will need and (hopefully) what those tools are for.

You certainly don't need any of them, but acquiring them does no harm either. You love your cool witchy stuff - who doesn't? I wanted all the tools too: I slowly acquired many, most of them second hand or made myself (like that wand).

If you're not just a show-off, a lot of these tools have uses and that's the main point of having them: the wand aids in directing energy. It represents air. Using a wand to direct energy does not make it more powerful, but it can greatly aid in the visualization necessary to direct said energy. Knowing this, many tools can be a great thing for the those starting to learn and practice.

I reached a point in my path where the 'stuff' involved in this way of spiritual practice started to turn me off. I would step back and look around me and see the Pagans showing off their stuff, selling their stuff, buying more stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff.

I'm sorry, but there comes a point when enough is enough and so much stuff gets distracting and in the way of the actual spirituality of it all.

So I say, tools: very cool, especially good for learning how to work with energy, but not at all necessary.

We have a Pagan Pride Festival here every autumn that I used to attend. But I started to notice that most of the actual festival was people selling their wares! So much vital stuff was missing that goes to the root of what Paganism is about. Very depressing. I don't go to the festival anymore.

Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say that material things should really be in moderation lest they become more important than your spirituality.

I'm probably going to catch a lot of flack for saying this, but the Pagan community has come off way to 'religiousy' for my liking. I grew up Catholic and left organized religion for very good reasons. By no means do I wish to be part of another. That's why I never called myself Wiccan - Wicca is a religion, a Pagan religion, but a religion nonetheless.

I think I'm now rambling and likely lost my point somewhere along the way.

Hmmm I'll close this rant by saying: you already have everything you need to practice spirituality and to be connected. You always will. Everything else is just extra.



My wand is full of awesome.


What other random topic can I go on about...

Oh! This.



Is art.

And this...



is an artist.

And I...

have art envy.



Love Marylin.

Impermanence

I keep trying to write about things that are going on in my life but it's just not happening. I'm just feeling too emotionally crazy right now to talk about anything mundane.

I've been watching a very long documentary, 'Walking With Dinosaurs' or something like that and it is extremely humbling and for some reason that makes me feel better.

Life on Earth began hundreds of millions of years ago. Since then, species have lived, evolved, strived, struggled, and died out. Even the dinosaurs, for example, who reined for a few million years... poof, gone.

Also since the beginning of life on this planet, the Earth has undergone so many major changes that have effected whether a species lives on or dies out. Major, MAJOR shifts in weather... millions of years of ideal tropical weather to millions of years of extreme cold and ice.

Extinction has been a matter of fact throughout history - no species is exempt from it. There are so many species today that it happens a lot more often then we're even aware of.

All it took was a comet hitting the Earth to wipe out the dinosaurs: they were just fine until that happened.

But of course, that could never happen to us, right?

It's not like, history repeats itself, or life works in cycles...

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here, is that we humans have been here about a hundred thousand years or so. We're an arrogant creature who tends to believe we'll always be around, that nothing so horrible could happen in our lifetimes, that nothing like that is bound to happen for millions of years in the future, yada yada yada.

But logically, we should know without much doubt, that our fate is indeed, extinction. There's no reason it can't happen today as easily as it could happen in ten million years. We don't know. The earth will continue to change and go through cycles that inevitably change the climate and weather patterns - thus effecting all living things, from vegetation to humanity.

I'm sitting here, writing this at the bottom of what was once a very large, deep lake. Life if weird, and in its weirdness is awesome, uncontrollable, impermanent, and a never ending source of our curiousity.

It is by luck/fate that humans developed these large brains, giving us the ability to rise to the top of the food chain using technology rather than our own physical devices. We are unique in this way.

But I believe it's this uniqueness that allows us to be so arrogant and believe our species is so special as to be the only one in history to ever avoid the forces of nature and be exempt from extinction.

It's the same arrogance that allows us to believe life doesn't exist anywhere in the universe but here on earth, even though the universe is so ginormous that I don't think there's even a word suitable enough to describe how large it really is (and it never stops expanding).

We are smart, that's for sure. And there's a reason we evolved to be what we are. I won't pretend to know what that reason is, but I do believe everything happens for a reason.

What I don't believe, is that the earth is quite finished with us yet... we try to defeat nature, but we never do, not permanently anyway.

So, our species has been around for about a hundred thousand years. And only at the tail of hundreds of millions of years of life on the planet. Our existence is just a small fraction of history. We're pretty new to the game and there's no telling how long we'll be around.

And like I said, that is very humbling, and for some reason, makes me happy. Kinda takes the pressure off in a way, doesn't it?

Following this theme of impermanence, I watched a video earlier tonight (it came up in my feed reader) on the same subject, aptly titled Impermanence. It's a talk given by a monk on the subject of the Buddhist philosophy that nothing is permanent, everything is always changing.

I needed to hear it at this time. Emotions shift poles. Bodies live and die. The current changes. The mountain erodes. Nothing is permanent but our true selves. This too shall pass. I am not my body or my mind, I only have them to use as I see fit.

More peacefully humbling truths.
A lot for one day, but then again, good lessons to learn on days like this where all I feel like doing is lying in bed because I'm so depressed.


-Love Marylin.

Uh Oh... Hot Dog!

Good Friday. Dead Christ. I never did get sensitized to the images and statues of the bloody, gory Jesus nailed to the cross. Okay I guess this can be about religion.

So Jesus Christ endured torture and was crucified for calling himself 'King of the Jews' - the powers that were did not dig that, that was just crazy talk, blasphemy. But Jesus didn't back down because he truly believed this to be true.

Apparently, he knew that this was going to happen and he had prepared himself to sacrifice his life to prove (for lack of a better word) that he really was 'King of the Jews' - that he was the one, the light, the way. Basically, he was saying, 'look, everything I've been teaching you is true. And just to make sure you really have faith, I'm gonna endure torture and crucifixion because that's how much I believe in what I'm saying.

So he martyrs himself, but the kicker is the resurrection. He shows himself after death: 'see? there is life after death! It's all good... just follow my light and you'll be a happy soul!' or something like that. The point is that his statement was quite drastic, he wanted to prove his point so that others could live a better life and not fear death and a whole bunch more awesome things.

Now how literally you take this story depends on your beliefs: as far as I understand, most Christians believe that Jesus was the son of God in its most literal meaning - that God (man in sky) somehow impregnated a virgin and the resulting child was not human, but deity. And they also say Jesus is God, so who knows.

My beliefs are a tad different: as cool as deities are, I know that they are physical manifestations/representations of some energy or another. God = Energy. I = Energy. You = Energy. The frequency of energy at which you and I vibrate varies, but is drastically lower than the energy that "god" energy vibrates. That's the reason it is god energy - it's on another level. The higher the energy frequency is, the lighter it gets and who knows what happens to it once it gets to a certain level. The highest energy we can imagine is what would be considered "God." But everything else is energy as well and all energy has the same potential, hence God is everything, everything is God, and God is in everything.

SO...

When I apply this theory to Jesus, the son of God, I get this:

There once was a man who was born with the purpose of showing many people a different way to live in order to help them evolve, etc. He was a very evolved man, his energy frequency was very high. Son of God = Son of light = child of light. Yep. He was a child of light.

Of course, the story is never as simple as that. If I were having a conversation about this, I'd be asked a lot of why's and how's to back up my theory. Some of those why's and how's aren't hard to figure out and some of them take some thought. I won't get into any of them here because it's hard to know where to stop and if I ever get off my ass (or on my ass) and write the book I've been planning for the last few years, you can read it all there.

But I've gone way off the point now. Maybe my point is that there's truth to every tale aaaand you shouldn't take everything at face value because the world of spirituality is almost always spoken in a language of symbolism and metaphor. If you don't believe me, read some mythology or take up dream interpretation for that matter.

So today people celebrate the death of Jesus of Nazareth (aka the Christ), because it was a sacrifice so that we would have faith. I wonder if they have a holiday for the day the Buddha died... hmmm.

On a completely different note, I got the first coat of paint done today in my living room. The colour is very vibrant but looks a lot different then it did in the store because my lighting absolutely sucks so I plan on replacing my bulbs as well. Right now, the colour looks bright/dark orange - it's really nice. I'll do coat #2 tomorrow. I didn't realize how painful it would be on the old arthritis, but there's no turnin' back now!

If you don't know who you are, how can you find your voice? Think about it.


-Love Marylin.

Clam Songs

So my friend has this chick on his messenger and her display picture is her gad damn clam! Her CLAAAAAM! Her cookie, her snatch, her special place, her pussy, her box, her hoho, her vessel of life!

What's that about? Seriously.

*Shakes head*

Anywho, all stupidity aside, I got the awesomest present from Don :) He made me one of those cool books where it's a book but there's a secret compartment inside where you can put shit that you wanna hide or whatnot.



I've always wanted one, and those are the BEST kinda gifts, ones with alot of thought and homemade!

Don rocks!

Sooo what else is new... I dunno... I made my very first pseudo video using Windows Movie Maker: just used some pics and text with an audio of me reading a poem from my book. It's pretty crappy but it was fun and I threw it on youtube to maybe sell a few more copies ;) But I'd like to experiment more with making videos because it's fun shit!

I'm reading a book called 'The Essence of Buddhism' that's been on my bookshelf for longer than I'd like to say. The Buddhism theme has been popping up like crazy in my life from so many sources that I finally decided I should learn some more about it. I also downloaded a documentary about Buddhism called 'How To Cook Your Life' that Brenda recommended - I'll be watching that shortly.

Jodie lent me a book called 'Skinny Bitch' that I devoured in one evening - an excellent read and so informative: I thought I knew alot about food but this book taught me much more. From what I've learned thus far, I should be a vegan lol. My compromise is slowly cutting out/replacing meat and dairy in my diet. Ultimately I will still consume these products, but ALOT less frequently than now. I'm basically eating little to no meat right now as it is, so that part won't be too difficult.

Hmmm I'm also reading 'Vein Of Gold' by Julia Cameron.

I did her 'Artists Way' book a few times in the past (and what a wonderful book by the way) and attempted 'Vein Of Gold' quite a while ago but ended up putting it down for a looong time. Well I'm back at it and it seems alright so far. We'll see if it's as good as TAW or not.


For those of you who don't know, Julia Cameron writes books that focus on unblocking creativity. The books are hands-on and from my experience, do wonders to kill that creative censor and get you doing what you should be doing.

Picking VOG back up was sparked not long ago by something quite bad that happened in my life - after deciding NOT to give up, for some strange and inexplicable reason, the main thing keeping me going and helping me has been doing art. I'm not a visual artist: I've always played with it and enjoyed doing it time and again, but it's not where my talent lies and so I've always kept it as a side hobby. Writing has always been my form of art, and still is, but now this need to make visual art has crept up and I honestly don't care to analyze it because it's one of the things keeping me going right now... just doing it, enjoying the process, not attempting to make masterpieces but just playing like a child would I suppose.

So there ya go, life is odd that way.

I suppose that's all for now.

-Love Marylin.

Jimminy Cricket!

I saw a cricket in the apartment a little bit after Don showed up and I sort of freaked out: here's the background on my craziness:

I had a dream a few months ago that gave significance to the date June 18 (today). So, I've been patiently waiting since then to see what may or may not come to fruition because the dream gave no detail as to what the importance was.

Then I realized that it's also a full moon today, making it even more eerie! lol

So when I saw this black cricket on my floor, my mind immediately thought of the movie 'Practical Magic' and how the cricket represented the death of someone.

LOL I'm ok now :P So far nothing big has happened, but I did look up the cricket in my copy of 'Animal Wise' by Ted Andrews... the cricket now makes much more sense. ALOT more sense.

The cricket stimulates our intuition and the power of our beliefs. It is a fighting spirit, helping awaken that in us. It is a great sign of good luck. They herald an awakening of sensitivities and finding light within the dark. They are perceptive within the dark times and are able to use whatever light is available to them. They remind us to trust our own intuition. Our dreams will become more clairvoyant and we can truly rely on our dreamtime perceptions. They remind us to trust our own expressions of light, even if different from others. Now is the time to believe in and rely upon our long range perceptions and insights. We should trust in what we have always believed. The cricket's song is a song of good cheer, especially in relationships, a reminder to trust in our beliefs and perceptions about the other people in our life. Our believing is about to be rewarded and the song they are singing is of success and pleasures ahead. The cricket warns us to stay balanced and grounded when exploring or working with our intuition and psychic abilities.

So thank you to the cricket!

P.S.

"Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God"

Ruth 1:6-18

P.P.S. Happy Full Moon Everyone!!!

My Half Japanese Bastard Child

Out with the old, in with the new.

Not since before I moved into my former house (March 2007) have I felt motivated and able to "get shit done."

I've just finished an intensive spring cleaning and my life is on a better, clearer path.

I finished the spring cleaning in time for today's new moon, so I topped it off with a releasing of old crap in my life, a cleansing of my home, and then a burning of healing incense.

Exhale.

Life is good. We are all on our paths and I feel good knowing I'm actually ON my path as opposed to the bulk of society who've strayed seemingly permanently - looks like zombie town. Feels odd being lucid around the foggy and lost.

Some goals I'm working on: My health.

Not until now have I had the inner strength to take hold on my health problems and REALLY do something about them. Because doctors are no longer really doctors and I have some permanent disabilities, it is difficult, but the goal is to not have to depend on those "doctors." It will take a while but it can be done.

On that note, no longer needing the one medication I'm on is also going to happen - and the sooner the better because it makes me foggier, less alert, and dumber than I naturally am and that won't due.

These are not pipe dreams, I have plans of action! :P

Career wise, I have a few fear hurtles to get over that are slowly being tested. I need to work through those.

My spirituality has settled into a better, more evolved place. It is very intuitively focused, nature focused, healing of myself, others, and the earth focused.

I seem to have evolved out of the need for specific deities or archetypes of spirit and am perfectly comfortable with the basic energy spirit aspects.

Some people need to rely on gods and goddesses, which is great and I'm still very into that, but they can become a crutch for many, which isn't healthy.

I've very much adapted what is referred to as 'living simply.' I'll post more about that soon, but it is really fulfilling, really helpful to the environment, and very easy on the wallet.

Anyway, I must end this entry on an adorable not, with a pic I just took of my cat George, mid-mew:



-Love Marylin.

21 Things I Want In A Lover

This is not the be all end all list or the pre-requisites for the man of my dreams: this is simply a list of 21 things that would make me a happy girl - some of them are set in stone (like the honesty thing), and some are ideals.

I believe in putting your intentions out to the universe - sort of manifesting your future... but mostly, this is me saying "I'm sick of getting hurt - where is my soulmate!"




1. Honesty
2. Compassion
3. Goal oriented
4. Caring
5. Makes me laugh
6. Can communicate
7. Expresses some interest in my interests but has interests of his own
8. Is experimental in the bedroom (adventurous, eager, and passionate)
9. Loves me for who I am
10. Is nice to me!
11. Wants to spend time with me
12. Treats me with respect
13. Treats me like a queen!
14. Thinks I'm beautiful (in some way!)
15. Has some depth
16. Is strong (not necessarily physically)
17. Cares about himself (but is not arrogant)
18. Gives a damn!
19. Can admit his faults and tries to better himself
20. Is sweet to me :)
21. Does not play mind games


Love Marylin.