Bleeding Makes Me Tired

I have not had coffee in the apartment for days. I don't know why I let myself run out but I do and am forced to get out of bed and not have hot caffeine goodness to seduce me into staying out of bed.

So at the Think Haus (previously Hamilton Hackers but the name was changed and I hate the new name but what can ya do when you live in a shoe?) I excitedly helped myself to two lovely cups of the deliciousness. Awwww yeah.

It was a good meeting, a possible location has been found and will be checked out soon. It's very cool and because of the size, there are so many possibilities. What would you do if you had thousands of square feet at your disposal? Exactly.

Umm I'm tired. No coffee and this happens to be my week... my week to sleep... that week.

I have to read a crap-load of stuff still and give my feedback. I have to... oh guess what...

ODSP is giving me transportation to the local YWCA. I can go fifteen times a month (about 2x/week) so that's awesome. I'm gonna swim and do weight training stuff. So that's good news.

I don't wanna jinx it, but there's a real possibility that the new increase in my meds is doing something good. I'm still miserable as fuck and scared shitless to make any promises to myself, but I have noticed an increase in energy and motivation/will. We shall see.

I've been having bad dreams though. I'd say for the past month now. Not really nightmares, but bad dreams. They all relate to fears I have in real life about abandonment and a certain person.

My living room is still in upheaval but I put all my most used/favourite art supplies right next to my desk so they're right there ready to go all the time, which makes my life easier because I need to make the art. I needs to.



Oooh marylin.ca is finally pointing to the right server! FINALLY!!! So I'm gonna be uploading the site within the next few days and my website will finally be back in action.

I hope the warm weather comes and stays very soon cause I have a summer plan. Well, not really a plan so much as an agenda of sorts. It involves a backpack, an mp3 player, a camera, a notebook, a sketchbook, a bus pass, and a comfy pair of shoes among other things. Pretty self-explanatory.

Bah, I'm grumpy. and this blog post sucks.

P.S. Downtown Hamilton does not have a cafe. WTF?


-Love Marylin

What Do I Hear?

I hear the kettle letting me know in its insistent noisiness that the water is sufficiently hot. Time to make my favourite tea, my comfort tea, Earl Grey Vanilla: it's one of those Tetley specialty canister teas. I have a bad feeling it was discontinued - I haven't had to buy any in so long because I stocked up.

Anyway, I love this tea. And I'm having a blaaaaa day and my special tea is going to bring me back to my warm and fuzzy self, mhmm, that's me alright ;)

I hate bla days. I do I do. They're yucky and don't seem to serve much of a point. Just gotta drink my tea and occupy myself with other good things, ride it out until tomorrow...

I'm trying to write an entry in this here blog everyday. You know, you'd think that wouldn't be a hard feat for a writer, but I gotta tell you it is! I'm never quite sure what to talk about, I'm far from having a very interesting life, so it's usually going to end up a lot like this entry, just... whatever.

Sadly enough, I know I have written about my tea before on here, but it really is wonderful tea. I'm grossly bias toward coffee, but this tea...

-Love Marylin.

Oh Lord Won't You Buy Me....

Soy yogurt kicks dairy yogurt's ass! Seriously it's so yummy.

Anyway, I need a pantry/cabinet type thing! I've been looking for one for a while with no luck. I've tried people I know, Kijiji, and Freecycle. I neeeeeed one people!

Something like this or similar:

Today's the full moon - good stuff.

I can't stand looking in my coffee cup to find it empty... it's such a disappointing thing.

Hmm I think I'd like to rant a bit...

My momentary topic of choice is a popular one for me: the health system! DUN DUN!

To make a very very long story short, I have (another) useless doctor who is being replaced. I'm very excited about this because there's always the chance this new guy will be decent and I can actually have a HEALER rather than a business person treat my health.

My last appointment with the useless doctor was around two months ago and she said we should have received a letter in the mail regarding her replacement. I still haven't gotten any letter and they were late two months ago. I obviously don't expect to receive one. How very professional. I called the doc's office about a month ago to see if I could schedule an appointment with the replacement doctor (since the current doctor would be gone) and they said no I couldn't. So I'm basically without a doctor (quite a familiar feeling actually).

Luckily, I don't get "sick" and am not dieing or anything, but I am disabled (fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis) which means I should be looked after on a regular basis to see how things are progressing, if I'm in too much pain, etc etc.

I've never had that. And to top it off, disability doesn't really care if I do, as long as I HAVE a doctor.

I just wanna be treated! By a professional! It's all well and good if I can treat myself (I'm not a medication fan) but I am not a certified doctor! lol There are things I don't know about that a doctor does (should) and I think I'm entitled as a Canadian citizen to have that, no?

I would really really like to see a Naturopath... they seem to be true healers as they treat the WHOLE person and not just try to band aid over the symptoms. But even though they have as much, if not more, education than an MD, the government refuses to cover the expenses of seeing a Naturopath. Oh my, those Naturopaths won't use our lovely chemical-licious drugs, they won't make us any money, screw them and all the people who would benefit from their healing.

May I remind people that the original medicine comes from the earth? The earth provides us with EVERYTHING we need. The only reason you have your disgusting drugs is because you twisted the earth's medicine into something you thought was better.

Doctors used to be healers. Not anymore. The more patients they can squeeze in, the more moola they make. The more prescriptions they dole out, the more money they make. They don't get bonuses for healing though.

You have a pain in your side? Here take two of these a day.

The pain pills are making you nauseous? Here, take these pills as well.

You say the pain in your side hurts a little less but now you're losing feeling in your fingers?

Anyway, you get the point. And the point is that the very reason you had the pain in your side is totally ignored. Aches, pains, etc are your bodies super cool natural way of letting you know there is something wrong with it. It is asking to be healed, not bombarded with chemicals that create even worse problems.

*sigh*

Yes it's a mess.

I'll stop - unless you'd like to read a whole book on it :P

So when and if I ever get to see this replacement doctor, he had better be good because my options are running out.

I will spend the money on a Naturopath, but I shouldn't have to... I really can't afford it, but what are my choices? Seriously, tell me...

Alright, enough of this, I'll leave you with a little poem for your amusement.

Fate Of The Muse

At my lap you sit and stare
In my hands you leave your care
And I extend myself to you
So in my thoughts and all I do
For you to grow and heal and thrive
It is your muse, I have arrived.
And through my love you grow to be
The person you've been trying to be

In my bed you lie and stare
Amazed of lust that is so rare
But you have grown and now you see
You cannot give your love to me
It must be false, the love you feel
And mine cannot be very real
There must be more than what I've shown
A muse must forever be alone.

-Love Marylin.

My Delicious Chemical Ritual

I have a healthy morning ritual that consists of coffee and cigarettes: this comes before food and cognitive thought.

It's a horribly unhealthy mixture but I love it.

I wake up all groggy and yucky, still three quarters of the way in dreamland, and I reach for the smokes, brew up some coffee (PC Dark right now) and let the beautiful nic-caffeine mixture do its work on me.


Mmmmm... It's disgustingly wonderful.

-Love Marylin.

What Kind Of Coffee Are You?

You Are a Cappuccino

You're fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new. However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like. You are a total girly girly at heart - and prefer your coffee with good conversation. You're the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Love Marylin.