Thinking Way Too Hard About A Title

Ugh, I feel like the bear being forced to wake up because spring is approaching and it's time to gtfo of the cave now.  Well it's not a comfortable transition: I'm cold and tired and sore and I need a couple cups of coffee first, k?  My sleep has been screwy for the last week or so.  I tried to stay up today but had the wise idea of laying down and watching a documentary where a bunch of people perform Leonard Cohen songs, with him speaking randomly in between in that beautiful voice of his... that's all the lullaby I need.  I woke and decided to practice the guitar more but got flustered cause I couldn't find any good videos to help teach me.  I just wanted to learn the damn 'B' chord... that shouldn't be so hard, should it?

I was looking at my long neglected YouTube channel because I wanted to change my username since 'Lilith Kills' doesn't really reference much, I just think it's a cool name.  Apparently you have to make a whole new account to do that so I don't think I'm going to.  I have two videos on there and I'm thinking about making another one soon just for fun.  No idea what I'd do on it but I'll figure it out.  One of my videos is a sort of book trailer I made a long time ago to help promote my book and I thought since I could really use the money right now and I still have copies, that I'd share my cheesy video here and see if anyone out there wants to read some really good fucking poetry.  So, without further ado...



Thank you, thank you :op

In other news, I ran into a friend from high school last week at This Ain't Hollywood, who now lives in the city so that is awesome - I need more females in my life, especially ones who aren't dipsticks.   Speaking of TAH, all three bands were fucking good and I didn't realize Hamilton was harbouring such kick ass female rockers.  I am pleased.  I am also pleased (while we're on the subject of music) to announce that The Creepshow are playing The Casbah on the 31st and tickets are only $10 and I am very excited!  We (Buttercup) interviewed them back in October '09 and I loved them as soon as I heard them.  Hellz yeah.

I finished (for the most part) a piece that was inspired by Picasso in a way that I'm sure no one could possibly guess lol.  I really like it but I don't like it so much digitally - it lost a lot of awesomeness through the scanning process, but I'll show you anyway:



I'm going to a life-drawing class next month - I've never been to one but the price is very cheap and I want to take advantage of the experience.  I think it's going to be an ongoing thing so maybe I'll actually get good, ya never know!  It should be fun, anyway.

I know I'm all over the place in this entry but I want to speak briefly about publishing: am I the only one confused these days about what having your book published means?  Here is what I have always thought:  To publish your book, a publisher buys your manuscript and pays you royalties.  To self-publish your book, you design and print it (or hire someone to do that) and you make all the profit from sales (unless you've hired someone to market it or something).  And vanity publishing is paying some company (usually way too much money) to do everything for you, usually relinquishing most of the creative and financial control.  Have these definitions changed in the last few years?  I realize reading the wikipedia definitions clarify, but in reality, I've come across many people who don't seem to realize the difference.  I dunno, I guess it's just a stupid pet peeve and I wish the lines were more distinguishable/explainable.  Sigh.  It just reminds me of the damn poetry.com bullshit all over again.

Anyway, St. Patrick's Day tomorrow... not really a special day but I'm going to go out anyway and have a green beer because I've never actually had one before.  I know, it's just beer w/food colouring, but still, it's green.

Okay, get lost now!



Love M

Bored Is The New Busy

I'm sitting here surrounded by candlelight, the girl who claims there are never enough hours in the day, and I'm bored to tears... bored. I don't know why. I have a million things I could be doing but for some reason I don't feel like doing any of them - I am bored. I am.

My head is all over the place today, maybe that has something to do with it - should meditate or something but, I'm too bored.

It was a freezing day, a hot earl gray vanilla tea day, a snuggle under the covers with George and read more 'Water For Elephants' day... and a day to light candles in hopes that will help warm the place up a bit more.

Hmmm, it's the winter thing: I hate winter! The moment I step outside, the cold creeps into my skin and burrows its way into my muscle and bone and I turn to stone. I can't move. I'm in pain! I'm miserable and to top it off, I can't breathe.

So I end up hibernating mostly, which I've come to somewhat enjoy, but god-damn it I want to go out! I want to take a walk... somewhere, anywhere, because I'm bored. And I find myself wishing for summer again and I don't want to do that - I don't want to always be waiting for something to make things better, but for god's sake, the season eats up at least half the damn year and as much as I love to live here, I'm so tempted to pack up and move to California or somewhere nice and sunny all the time.

A proper winter coat would likely help, though.

I'm having a love/hate relationship with Facebook these days. It's a great rolodex and has some great networking capabilities, but it IS like high school and even if I'm not the one participating in the retarded-ness, I am still somewhat effected... there are things I just don't need to see or be reminded of and facebook has a funny way of making that happen. Stupid facebook. Oh well, thicker skin.

P.S. Mark Ryden is good shit...



-Love Marylin.

Clam Songs

So my friend has this chick on his messenger and her display picture is her gad damn clam! Her CLAAAAAM! Her cookie, her snatch, her special place, her pussy, her box, her hoho, her vessel of life!

What's that about? Seriously.

*Shakes head*

Anywho, all stupidity aside, I got the awesomest present from Don :) He made me one of those cool books where it's a book but there's a secret compartment inside where you can put shit that you wanna hide or whatnot.



I've always wanted one, and those are the BEST kinda gifts, ones with alot of thought and homemade!

Don rocks!

Sooo what else is new... I dunno... I made my very first pseudo video using Windows Movie Maker: just used some pics and text with an audio of me reading a poem from my book. It's pretty crappy but it was fun and I threw it on youtube to maybe sell a few more copies ;) But I'd like to experiment more with making videos because it's fun shit!

I'm reading a book called 'The Essence of Buddhism' that's been on my bookshelf for longer than I'd like to say. The Buddhism theme has been popping up like crazy in my life from so many sources that I finally decided I should learn some more about it. I also downloaded a documentary about Buddhism called 'How To Cook Your Life' that Brenda recommended - I'll be watching that shortly.

Jodie lent me a book called 'Skinny Bitch' that I devoured in one evening - an excellent read and so informative: I thought I knew alot about food but this book taught me much more. From what I've learned thus far, I should be a vegan lol. My compromise is slowly cutting out/replacing meat and dairy in my diet. Ultimately I will still consume these products, but ALOT less frequently than now. I'm basically eating little to no meat right now as it is, so that part won't be too difficult.

Hmmm I'm also reading 'Vein Of Gold' by Julia Cameron.

I did her 'Artists Way' book a few times in the past (and what a wonderful book by the way) and attempted 'Vein Of Gold' quite a while ago but ended up putting it down for a looong time. Well I'm back at it and it seems alright so far. We'll see if it's as good as TAW or not.


For those of you who don't know, Julia Cameron writes books that focus on unblocking creativity. The books are hands-on and from my experience, do wonders to kill that creative censor and get you doing what you should be doing.

Picking VOG back up was sparked not long ago by something quite bad that happened in my life - after deciding NOT to give up, for some strange and inexplicable reason, the main thing keeping me going and helping me has been doing art. I'm not a visual artist: I've always played with it and enjoyed doing it time and again, but it's not where my talent lies and so I've always kept it as a side hobby. Writing has always been my form of art, and still is, but now this need to make visual art has crept up and I honestly don't care to analyze it because it's one of the things keeping me going right now... just doing it, enjoying the process, not attempting to make masterpieces but just playing like a child would I suppose.

So there ya go, life is odd that way.

I suppose that's all for now.

-Love Marylin.

Jimminy Cricket!

I saw a cricket in the apartment a little bit after Don showed up and I sort of freaked out: here's the background on my craziness:

I had a dream a few months ago that gave significance to the date June 18 (today). So, I've been patiently waiting since then to see what may or may not come to fruition because the dream gave no detail as to what the importance was.

Then I realized that it's also a full moon today, making it even more eerie! lol

So when I saw this black cricket on my floor, my mind immediately thought of the movie 'Practical Magic' and how the cricket represented the death of someone.

LOL I'm ok now :P So far nothing big has happened, but I did look up the cricket in my copy of 'Animal Wise' by Ted Andrews... the cricket now makes much more sense. ALOT more sense.

The cricket stimulates our intuition and the power of our beliefs. It is a fighting spirit, helping awaken that in us. It is a great sign of good luck. They herald an awakening of sensitivities and finding light within the dark. They are perceptive within the dark times and are able to use whatever light is available to them. They remind us to trust our own intuition. Our dreams will become more clairvoyant and we can truly rely on our dreamtime perceptions. They remind us to trust our own expressions of light, even if different from others. Now is the time to believe in and rely upon our long range perceptions and insights. We should trust in what we have always believed. The cricket's song is a song of good cheer, especially in relationships, a reminder to trust in our beliefs and perceptions about the other people in our life. Our believing is about to be rewarded and the song they are singing is of success and pleasures ahead. The cricket warns us to stay balanced and grounded when exploring or working with our intuition and psychic abilities.

So thank you to the cricket!

P.S.

"Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God"

Ruth 1:6-18

P.P.S. Happy Full Moon Everyone!!!

Anything But...

Anything: surfing the web, watching television, cooking, cleaning, reading!, thinking, chatting, rationalizing, doing my nails - anything - but STARTING the process.

Of course it could be argued that I am just getting the wheels turning, occupying myself with other mundane activities to come back to the keyboard refreshed, but I'm ashamed to say that most of my life consists of this so called "wheel turning."

But I digress.

I couldn't sleep last night and had the dreaded attack of inspiration - dreaded, because my mind and body are way too tired to do anything about it. But I did manage to quickly jot down my ideas before they would disappear forever, to some mysterious place where there are thousands of other gems wasting away.

But I swear! Right after I'm finished reading Blessings of the Blood, I will start the research process so I can get going with the writing of this new book (check back soon for more information on this one).

I also managed to send off my application to register for the 2006 Hamilton Small Press Fair, which is coming in November and where I hope to sell off most of my remaining copies of Swallowed by the Room.

What else? Trying to redo my online portfolio but having a hell of a time finding a free hosting site that doesn't have too many annoying pop-up ads, and having an even harder time coming up with a new layout.

Sigh.