April 23, 2013

Step 1: Yin-Yang

Q: How do I feel when life is going smoothly?  Do I continually anticipate problems? Do I feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?

A: When life is going smoothly, I start to get optimistic and feel it's okay to start working on future goals and getting on with living my life.  But I've learned in the past two and a half years, that there's always another issue lurking behind the corner when you're with someone who has ADD.  And then it feels really unfair and unmanageable, and I feel resentful/anger toward him/the situation.

My wish is not to get rid of problems (that is unrealistic), my wish is to turn the volume down on the scale of the problems and perhaps make more time go by in between their occurrences.

On a daily basis, I anticipate problems as a learned habit.  It takes energy away from me, puts focus on others rather than myself, stresses me out, and takes up so much space in my life than if I were to just deal with problems when they actually happen instead of worrying all the time.

I don't think I feel more alive in a crisis - crisis puts me in the worst health and makes me miserable.  It takes all my energy and sucks the life out of me.

I feel alive when I'm participating in life and trying to achieve goals.

<3 M
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