How To Be Happy

As laid out in 'The Pleasure Trap,' happiness is nature's way of letting us know we're moving in the right direction, and pain (or painful emotions) let us know when we're doing something wrong.  How does it distinguish between right and wrong?  Happiness is how we feel when we're in pursuit of gratification.  You may think gratification and happiness are the same thing, but apparently they're not.

In nature, our purpose is to a.)eat so that we can live in order to b.)procreate and get that done while c.)preserving energy and avoiding pain.  Each of these things have rewards when you do them - gratification. But if we don't get the gratification until we actually meet the goal, then what motivates us to stay on task?  It's not knowing that you'll be gratified - if that were the case we would all have no trouble achieving all our goals just because we know we'll feel good when they happen.

When you're on a journey, you use a compass to point you to north. If you get lost, you feel bad, discouraged, frustrated, etc. but when you get on the right track you feel a sense of purpose, you know you're where you should be, and you feel good.

The compass we have inside is our emotions.  It's as simple as that - if you feel happy, you're doing good.  If you feel bad, something isn't right.

The mistake a lot of us make is not enjoying the journey because we think we can't be happy until we've reached our destination/goals.  But the point is that happiness doesn't come from achieving, it comes from the journey to achievement.  So what's the point of achievement?

Humans still have those same innate instincts for survival that the rest of the animal kingdom have, the difference is how we live in society verses out in nature: our journeys and destinations may look a lot different, but we're still wired the same.

My point is, if gratification = happiness, and we want to be happy most of the time, than we'd all be fucking, gorging on fatty foods, and relaxing all the time.  If gratification = happiness, we'd all die out in no time.

Happiness is the pursuit of gratification, and gratification is doing something that helps your survival.  Survival just looks a lot different for us than it does in the animal kingdom.

So paying attention to how you're feeling now is important - you want to make sure you're on the right track and if you are on the right track, you're gonna wanna be present to actually enjoy the happiness.  And if you're not on the right track?  You can do something to get back on the right one.

Todays' lesson - always pursue goals that are important to you and what you value.  Enjoy the journey and the destination is unavoidable.

<3 M

Hats

 It's an interesting thing to think about when you're just waking up in the morning, but "career" has been on my mind and when I think of a career, it always flabbergasts me - gets me all twisted and confused until I end up pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind, again.

As I've said before, I think of a career for myself as an extension of my passions and how they can be utilized to do something in the world - no matter how big or small.  It's not about money so much as purpose, creation, and healing: I want purpose, I want to create, and I want to heal.  And I know I can do all of those things... it's the specifics that screw me up though.

I've read about multi-potentiality and know I fit into that category, but it still leaves me unsure of where to go from here - what am I to focus on in order to actually fulfill my three goals rather than spend/waste the rest of my life trying to figure it out?

I did figure out one option, but it seems so big and complex that it takes away from it being about passion and turns it into more of a "job."  And jobs are for paying the bills.  I want to actually care about what I do.

I don't know how to reconcile wanting to be an artist, a writer, a natural health practitioner, a life coach, an art therapist, and goddess know what else.

But it occurs to me that maybe if I stop worrying about it so much and just focus on doing some of those things, it will somehow eventually come together.

I guess the issue is more about focus: I'm sure there are ways to accomplish that... I'd sure love to know what they are.  I'd love to know what other people like me are doing/have done.


<3 M

Climbing Out Of My Skin

All my life I've been interested in many things, some of which have become passions of mine. This has made it seem impossible to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life as far as purpose and an actual career.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to go to "Universary" and become a teacher.  When I got older and discovered I could write as a career and not just as a hobby, that's exactly what I was gonna do.

There have been a lot of hiccups.  In my late teens I became severely depressed and it completely stunted me.  I went inward and left life behind.  It immobilized me mentally and emotionally, and consequently socially and psychologically.

When I started to really pick up the pieces in my early twenties, I had to leave a promising job due to unexplainable physical and mental problems.  I was diagnosed by doctors and deemed unable to work.

When one spends several years in stagnation, trying skill-lessly to get better, apart from 'normal' life and 'normal' schedules, it becomes increasingly harder to get your head above water, and keep it there.  Life slowly but surely becomes purposeless, unnecessarily hard, and farther and farther out of reach.

It feels like I've been fighting forever and for the better part of those years, not getting very far.  I've learned a few lifetimes worth of lessons and gained a lot of skills and wisdom.  I just kept chipping away at the big boulder and after a long time, began to see it take some form.  For the longest time it just seemed like it wasn't ever going to budge.

But for the past few years, I've been able to see the difference of then and now - how far I've come.

When I was younger I was extremely ambitious and I had goals and dreams, plans for the future.  After years of living the kind of life I was living, I slowly stopped dreaming.  I didn't even notice it for a while but one day I realized I had no idea what I wanted my life to look like anymore, just that I didn't want it to look like it did.

I still had my many interests and passions, but no direction and no real idea of how to go about getting it.  It made me so sad to think I had no goals other than the same few goals I'd had for all these years: basic goals for my health since my health problems had weighed me down so much.  You could go through my journals throughout the years and see the same exact themes, year in and year out, struggling with myself against the same obstacles and never seeming to get anywhere.  It was really sad.

The good news is that I am mentally out of that place - I am now able to conceive of and institute plans, goals, and purpose in my life and for a while now I've been on a journey of self-discovery to figure out what that means for me.

Most recently in my journey, I came across an apparent stumbling block - the same damn block that has been there my whole adult life when it came down to deciding on a purpose/career: I don't know what I'm meant to do because I'm passionate about many things!

If my only true passion were writing, that would be easy.  But that isn't the case.  And I struggle with trying to figure out what path to follow.  What if I choose the wrong thing and waste too much time before I figure that out?  And I know I wouldn't be satisfied with any one thing (yes, I'm difficult).  I've been all over the place as far as my pursuits in life go and though I need a direction, I don't wish to ignore my passions as purposes in exchange for just one.

Obviously I've thought of choosing one and doing the other things as side projects.  But that hasn't seemed to fit either: the reason I'm so passionate about the things I'm passionate about is because they are all vehicles to the same end, and that end is my purpose.

I've always believed anything is possible and so I haven't given up on figuring this out.  I need to figure this out.  And then last night I learned a few new words:

Multipotentialism

A term defined in 1972 by R.H. Frederickson for people who, “when provided with appropriate environments, can select and develop a number of competencies to a high level.”

(from puttylike.com)

A multipotentialite is a person who has many different interests and creative pursuits in life.

Multipotentialites have no “one true calling” the way specialists do. Being a multipotentialite is our destiny. We have many paths and we pursue all of them, either sequentially or simultaneously (or both).

Multipotentialites thrive on learning, exploring, and mastering new skills. We are excellent at bringing disparate ideas together in creative ways. This makes us incredible innovators and problem solvers.

When it comes to new interests that emerge, our insatiable curiosity leads us to absorb everything we can get our hands on. As a result, we pick up new skills fast and tend to be a wealth of information.

Polymath/Renaissance Person.

A polymath (Greek: πολυμαθής, polymathēs, "having learned much") is a person whose expertise spans a significant number of different subject areas. In less formal terms, a polymath (or polymathic person) may simply be someone who is very knowledgeable. Most ancient scientists were polymaths by today's standards.


So I'm not alone.  *phew*  So now what?

Well now I feel less stressed out about it, for one thing.  This is not a bad thing!  I've never been comfortable in any box and I don't see how I could ever be happy trying.  And why bother if that's not what I'm meant to do?

So what I need to do is figure out how to take my passions and turn them into a career - into something fulfilling, something that aides people in some way, and something that allows me to be financially independent.  This is now the journey I'm on.  I now feel I have permission not to be pigeonholed into one specific expertise.  I just need to figure out what it will look like.

I had an awesome brainstorming session with Brian today - we listed the main things I'm passionate about doing.  One thing is for certain, there is a very strong theme that runs throughout all of those things and that is healing... in all aspects.  Health and well-being is what I want both for myself and for others.  This seems to be the epitome of what I need to offer the world in whatever ways I can.

Brian and I came up with a pretty good idea that I am definitely going to develop though I can't be positive yet if that is the exact direction I'm going.  It is very promising though.  One sure way I can tell it is right is that it immediately brought up a lot of fears as well as a feeling of a huge weight lifting off my shoulders.  We shall see.

But there are some things I have to do before I can get where I want to be - getting over my social anxiety is the most important one and the balls are already rolling on that.  That's a huge one.  Huge fears and huge discomfort.  That will be an interesting journey.  But I'm eager to get on with it so I can start doing more with my life.

My next step, aside from the above and doing more research on my possibilities, is formulating plans for my various goals - something I've learned is essential to do if you want to accomplish ANYTHING lol.

I have a lot of work ahead of me - I couldn't be more excited or terrified!


<3 M