April 9, 2013

Step 1: Separating The Person From The Problem

Q: Do I accept that [ADHD is a disorder]? How does that change how I deal with him?

A: I accept that ADD is a neurological disorder and not who he is but what he has.  This changes the way that I deal with him because I separate the disorder from the actual person.  If I don’t remind myself of this, I end up seeing him as the disorder and not just suffering from it.  When I do this, it makes things harder and makes me believe that he really does have control over it (himself) and that he is a bad person/doesn’t care about me enough to try harder.  This is dangerous and incorrect thinking.

Although it is difficult to make the separation, I know that not to do so is unfair to him and means we don’t stand a chance.  I know that if it were in his control, he would have changed it by now.  I know this because I know that he does try hard and he does want it bad enough and he does love me that much.

It does not excuse him from bad behaviour by any means, we are all responsible for our behaviour – its just that some of us have more difficulty managing.

<3 M
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