April 10, 2013

Step 1: Freedom To Enjoy Another Person

Q: How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?

A: I’ve tried to change others in my life by expressing my emotional discomfort in ineffective ways because their behaviour was not up to my expectations in one way or another.

Though I have the right to not accept another’s behaviour, I don’t have the right to try to control their behaviour.  I’ve often had trouble stepping back from a person or situation and not get wrapped up in emotional entanglement.

Because I have BPD, I have usually wrapped myself up in others as my source of security, and without fail, that has always led to me getting hurt because they didn’t live up to the unrealistic expectations I put on them – I somehow thought it was their job to make me feel good about myself – to give me my self-worth.  But if I had had my own sense of self-worth, I would be free to enjoy my relationship with them and not fall apart when something happened that was out of my control in the first place. 

Because I’ve had trouble distinguishing the line of where I ended and the other person began, I felt I needed to control them because if I didn’t I might lose control of myself.  This has only led to unhappiness and loss.

<3 M
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