A: When he refuses to be and do what I want, I feel hurt and powerless. I get really frustrated, sometimes angry, and I often begin to only see the negative, which leads me to feel depressed and confused and questioning my decision to be in the relationship.
My response is often to challenge him in some way, usually by confronting him with the behaviour while it’s happening and expressing my anger, frustration, disgust, etc., hoping he will stop and/or change the behaviour. Not only do I want him to not do the behaviour, but I NEED him to know how much it effects me so he will “care.”
If I don’t confront him about it immediately, I might go hide and wait for him to come to me and seek resolution, because at that point he has likely calmed down and is more willing to hear me. Hiding sometimes comforts me when I’m upset and it often leads me to wise-mind.
I might talk to him about the behaviour later when there’s time to talk and hopefully by then I’m able to be more skillful.