April 13, 2013

Step 1: Respecting Other's Ability To Handle Life

Q: What would happen if I stopped trying to change the ADHD person or anyone else?

A: If I stopped trying to change him, I would probably feel a lot of fear because I’d think he would just get worse and worse and everything would become horrible and we’d end up breaking up.  I would feel insecure because I’d think he would forget important things and maybe think I no longer want him to try.

I’d feel helpless and out of control, as if by not trying to change him, it means I’m gonna ruin the relationship. I would not know if I could handle letting it all go unless I knew he had a handle on it.  And if he didn’t I guess that’s another story. 

If I didn’t try to change others I’d feel like I’m not trying to help them – with my mum I’d feel like I’m sort of abandoning her to her "horrible life."

Note: I understand and agree that trying to change anyone is fruitless and means you shouldn't be with them in the first place - that they are perfectly fine the way they are and I don't have to choose to be with them.  The change I'm talking about here is more to do with bad habits and behaviours associated with adult ADHD and not with who they are as a person.

<3 M
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