January 24, 2011

You're An Asshole

We are social creatures; we need each other.  We are also, as a species, selfish assholes; we hurt each other.  What makes us keep those people in our lives who seem to lessen the quality of it?

People come into our lives, I beleive, not randomly, but quite intentionally (I don't beleive in accidents).  Unfortunately, this includes people who hurt us in various ways.  The paradox is that we need these people to be assholes (and the assholes have even more assholes - it's very much like an asshole pyramid scheme) in order to give us the opportunities for learning and growth.  The assholes in our life help us become better people, ultimately. 

So really we should be thanking people for being such assholes to us rather than letting their neurosis make us miserable.  We can choose to gripe and complain and continue whatever unhealthy dysfunctional relationships we're in or we can learn from the crap they have brought into your life and move on. 

You might notice that over and over again you attract the same types of asshole and the same melodrama seems to play out.  Well, you will just continue to do so for the rest of your life until (hopefully) you learn from it and apply the wisdom accordingly.

Here is how it works:

More assholes = more wisdom to apply to future relations = ultimately less and less assholes necessary. The less assholes you need in your life, the less of an asshole you are to others (yes you are and/or have been an asshole in some form or another whether you know it or not, otherwise there would be no assholes to speak of).  All of this equates to having better relationships and less asshole-ish-ness to deal with.  Mind you, learning never ends so there will still be an asshole on the horizon to sharpen us up, teach us more.

Well, this is how it works ideally.  The other end of the spectrum is not learning from the assholes, keeping them in our lives in one way or another, and continuing to have miserable relationships. 

I opt for the first choice O_O

But I find it hard, often, not to feel judgment toward those who just seem to "not get it" and continue a life of asshole-dom.  I am not the most mature person, that's for sure, but sometimes it feels as if I am the only one being an "adult" when it comes to dealing with interpersonal relations.  It surprises me less and less that people who are old enough to be my parent have the maturity of a two year old - and even my two year old niece knows better.   I know, I just have to remember that people tend to re/act from a place of fear and that deep down, everyone is vulnerable, everyone has been hurt, and everyone has fears.  Asshole-ish-ness is definitely a secondary emotion.

I think the point of all this 'thinking out loud' I'm doing here is to say that it is a wonderful feeling noticing the shift in my life from having a few sturdy people and a buttload of assholes to having more and more sturdy, real friends and slowly but surely less assholes.  It's really important to me to have a solid and healthy support system/relationships and I'm liking what is developing.  I know I have a lot of things to overcome if I want it to be this way: I need to reach out to people; I need to open up and not hide in my shell no matter how shy I am; I need to nurture the good relationships in my life and stop putting energy into the not so good ones; I need to stop being SO TRUSTING! (yes trust is good but I take it to another level).

I admit I'm a scatterbrain, especially these days with the fibro fog eating my memory and my dire need for more structure in my day to day life, and this more often than not results in me forgetting to keep in touch with people.  I will have to figure out how to not let that happen.  Like I said, we are social creatures and no matter how many times in the past I've wished I could just hibernate and not have any relationships whatsoever, the fact is, we need each other.  We are all a bunch of assholes who need to be with other assholes.  So poetic, I know.

Love M

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