K, Tell Me What To Say Next

Yeah I kinda felt like writing a post orgasmic blog entry - what can I say? My mind is clear at the moment. Who, reading this blog right now, thinks my previous sentence was inappropriate, gross, perverted, tmi, or anything along those lines?  Is that something any decent human being would say out loud for anyone to hear or read?  If you are a man reading this, do you imagine me to be easy, maybe slutty, something like that? Not the kind of girl you would take home to mom?  Girls, is that something you would ever share?  These questions aren't rhetorical, I'd love to hear feedback on this because I'm continually perplexed about how people make their judgments and what society in general deems 'normal' or 'decent'.

Women, for one thing, fit into two categories for your convenience: I am either a madonna or I'm a whore.  A madonna-kinda gal would never have such sexual thoughts or feelings and wouldn't show an inch of cleavage let alone talk about her desires.  But the whore, she'll give it up to anyone, any place - she wants you to see her as purely sexual, without brains, dumbed down for your convenience and she has no shame so she doesn't care who knows it. I liken this to the belief in good and evil, of God and the Devil (I'm sure this will offend some but I'm also sure I've already accomplished that so I'll proceed) - Believing in an absolute anything such as a being that is solely 'good' and a separate being that is solely 'bad' is no different than calling a rainstorm 'all bad' or... I'm currently unable to think of an 'all good' example that is simple enough to use but the rainstorm will suffice because we all know that rain serves its purpose and without it there would be problems, but we also know that storms can be dangerous, they can start fires, etc.  I think it's safe to say that it's impossible to label anything as 'good' or 'bad' because nature (the world) doesn't work that way.

Nothing exists in the world that is absolutely positive or absolutely negative, nature is balanced and it's pretty cool.  To believe in an 'all good' God and an 'all bad' Devil is to go against nature and that wouldn't make much sense now, would it?  And doesn't it say somewhere in one of those bibles that God created man/the world in his (ha!) own image?  If that were the case, not only would God have to possess some 'evil' by default, but would he not also be a hermaphrodite?  Anyway, you get my point, I hope.

Following this logic, can any one woman fulfill the madonna role or the whore role?  Think about that when you make your judgments.  And also think about which ideal you'd prefer: do you want to marry the madonna?  The one you can take home to mom, the one who will be saintly and behave herself and be proper and of course sleep in a separate bed... or do you want to marry the whore, the one who you need to hide from decent eyes but who will make life pretty fun and exciting, and will be up for a lot of fun in the sack...?  Obviously you can't choose just one because to have one without aspects of the other leaves the person lacking what you need in a partner.  I'm not saying there are no people out there who take on way more of the 'whore' role than the 'madonna' role and vice versa, I'm just saying that the more realistic version of a woman (or man!) is a healthy mixture of the two: a gal you can have an intelligent conversation with, who can meet the parents, and who can also make you roll your eyes to the back of your head. People jump to judgments quite naturally - it's what you do with them that matters: society does not make up the rules of your personal belief system and if it does, that is sad.  No one is stopping you from being aware (or are they?).

And while I'm on this train of thinking, I'd like to add FAT DOES NOT EQUAL UGLY.  "Nothing's either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" and if society/the media has brainwashed you into being repulsed by someone who takes up a little more space than you do, you might want to rethink the reasons why you react that way.  Fat person gross, Iranian person terrorist, lawyer crook, black person thief, southern person stupid, blond person bimbo... yeah.  It's that whole absolutes thing again, there's no. such. thing.

Coming full circle, I'll conclude that as a writer and a female (who grew up going to Catholic school) I've always struggled with censoring myself when it comes to what I can or cannot say - always resisting the urge to go a little further (not to push any envelope, but because it's what my muse is insisting) because of the whole 'what WILL they think!?' thought in the back of my mind.  I don't want to do that.  I don't want to be fake, I don't want to suppress myself, I don't want to go half-ass (especially with something as important to me as writing), I don't want to live my life according to what others expect of me or what others feel comfortable with.  So, if  I make you uncomfortable or if I evoke any strong judgments in you, I only ask that you take a moment to consider why you have these kind of reactions.

"I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be."  --Bob Dylan


Love M.