April 27, 2009

T.V. Kills Dreams

I've been having weird dream patterns for quite a while now: I'll dream about the same situations played out in different ways, each one meant to evoke a strong feeling in me.

Sometimes the feeling will be extreme panic that I'm cut off from communicating with loved one(s), for various reasons. It feels like those dreams I used to have where I was about to be murdered or something and no matter how much I tried, I could not for the life of me dial 911. It's scary. It's sad too.

Sometimes the feeling will be a great sense of feeling loved. Pretty much the opposite of the above. The wonderful feeling of security, of not having to second guess. That's such a peaceful, comforting feeling.

Now the odd thing about it is that they seem to accurately predict the outcome of the next day.

What I mean by this is, if I have the dream where I feel disconnected, insecure, etc., the next day something either happens to make me feel that way or I just end up feeling that way out of sheer coincidence.

And of course the same goes with the other dreams. If I have the dreams that make me feel secure and loved, the next day usually brings something to make me feel that way, or, again, I'll feel that way out of sheer coincidence.

Of course, there's always the chance that my day unfolds the way it does because my dreams have set the mood for me. Self-fulfilling prophecy craziness?

Anyway, it's weird and annoying. I've gotten to the point where if I wake up from one of the not-so-pleasant dreams, I'm somewhat paranoid during the day about what's going to happen to upset me.

I wanna have some different dreams. These same ones are pissing me off and yes I know that recurring dreams indicate that I need to fix something in my life, I'm very aware of that, but in the meantime, how 'bout a little nightly erotica?

Nah. That never happens.

Another thing about dreams: they don't work very well with the television on. I've been falling asleep with the t.v. on for a while now so I don't have to think while I'm trying to go to sleep (because my thoughts aren't happy right now). As a result, I'm not remembering most of my dreams.

Interesting fact: when you can remember your dreams, you are less stressed. It is HEALTHY to remember your dreams.

This was confirmed when I had a mid-morning nap the other day. No t.v. on. My dreams were so loud! I don't know how else to describe it, but it was as if my dreams were so eager to finally be heard that they came rushing in, big, loud, on and on they came. And I woke up feeling refreshed... which rarely happens these days.

I'm going to start listening to guided meditation on CD to help me fall asleep. It's relaxing, and when the CD is done, no more noise or distraction.

I've said before, t.v. kills poetry. Well now I know that t.v. kills dreams as well.

And now it's time to say goodnight. Sweet dreams you little weirdos.

-Love Marylin.

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