I just got home from getting my bangs trimmed. I was terrified of going but for some reason I've felt a lot better since Don was here last night so I think that's what helped push me out the door. Mind you I took the stair-well and snuck out the side door, but I did it.
I have to admit, the worst part of it was the trimming of the bangs... she took less then a minute and left them so very uneven - they're crooked for goodness sake! Plus, I cannot stand the mirrors in hair salons: they are the scariest mirrors I've ever looked in, they make me look my very worst and I always get sad when I see myself in them.
Waiting for the second bus was shitty because it's still way too cold for my liking, but all in all I did good. I'm back at home behind locked doors and back in my comfies, smoking and typing, the way it oughta be. Because it's not as if I don't enjoy being behind my desk all the time, it's that I want it to be for no other reason than 100% choice.
Being out today also made me very uncomfortable and self concious about my weight: I'm already big, but this past while I've gained more and am carrying a lot of bloat from sitting all the time. So I gotta take care of that *sniffles. I need the stupid weather to warm up, and I've decided I need a new mp3 player because I hate walking, but I don't mind it when I'm listening to music so I think that's important. The one I have now cost $15 and broke after two months lol. I really have no idea how much a decent one would cost... I just want it to play the music, no other fancy tricks necessary.
So I need some mace and an mp3 player.
I'm hoping this lessening of anxiety persists - otherwise I don't see how I can deal with things in any constructive way.
Feeling fugly and slightly optimistic.