February 20, 2010

Slightly Hung Over

What I've learned so far in 2010...

Dieting creates eating disorders and in the long run they destroy your body and make you fatter than you ever were in the first place.  It is far better to eat healthy, balanced, and consistently and lose weight slowly.  Diets teach you nothing.  They're the holy grail for people who feel out of control and grasp onto the idea that once they do 'so and so' diet, everything in their life will be okay again.  Thank gods I now know this and am finally getting sane again after years of driving myself crazy.  The other big key peice of knowledge - one day at a time.  So yay I'm losing weight!  Woot!

There is nothing wrong with letting people earn your trust - in fact, it probably should be earned rather than given right away to any Joe Blow one comes across.  This may sound like common sense to most of you, but for me, that's hard to accept: I could never understand why I shouldn't trust everyone right away unless they give me a reason not to, and even then, I'd give them a few more chances.  Now I know (hopefully) that opening myself up that much to just anyone makes it so much easier for them to hurt me.  I guess there's such a thing as trusting too much too soon... who knew?

The world is made up of distractions, like static or distortion on top of what's worth living for.  Most of us get caught up in the distractions, it's almost impossible not to because they're everywhere and they come in so many different forms: mindless entertainment, drama, sensationalism, love, hate, sex, fear, money, and on and on and on.  Then sometimes the distraction stops for a moment or two and we feel right again, like we remember what the point of living is or what makes it worth it to each of us and we promise ourselves to not forget again, but we always do.  I guess the goal would be to remember more often, and to practice living in that state of mind as much as we can.

Relationships are hard.  I'm not sure why, but I think it has a lot to do with fear and dishonesty.  People have fear and are dishonest because of it.  We're each afraid of different things and we're each dishonest in our own way, but I think without the fear, the dishonesty would stop and relationships could start to be a more peaceful endeavour.   Some of us are afraid to open ourselves up, some of us are afraid to get too close to someone else, some of us are afraid we're not worthy of love, some of us are afraid we'll be found out for the horrible person we (think) we are, some of us are afraid of being trapped,some of us are afraid of being abandoned, some of us are afraid without knowing why, and it goes on and on.  So we're dishonest.  We lie with our words, our actions, our intentions... we lie by omitting the truth or by not saying or doing what we know is the honest thing to do or say.  We lie by denying our feelings.  Even if we're not dishonest people, we are dishonest without even realizing it.  It sucks, but it's the truth and it's what makes it so hard to have relationships with each other.  Perhaps if we were all less afraid of things that are usually unfounded we would all be less lonely or alone.  And definitely, if we were all less afraid, we would all stop hurting each other so fucking much.  It really does take thick skin to put yourself out there into the world of dating. 

I've learned a lot more than these things of course, but I'm tired so you're gonna have to come back when I feel like sharing more of my wisdom ;o)

Love M

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