July 23, 2009

Over The Edge

Gya, I've been feeling so wretchedly anxious! That disgusting feeling in the pit of your stomach that drives people to use, drink, eat, fuck, sleep. It's very uncomfortable... it's a mixture of worry and fear magnified and seems to come too often when there's no purpose for it.

It's no fun feeling like throwing up for no reason... kinda dampens the day.

It's not that anxiety doesn't have a source: I have my reasons for being anxious - in fact, I've pinpointed my current reasons (or so I think) and still I feel this anxiety.

I want to retreat to my bed with my cat and dissolve into seclusion but that only leads to being more depressed... it's a lovely downward spiral that is too easy to fall into.

Deep breathing doesn't seem to be doing much either, which pisses me off because I've been told do to that when anxiety comes.

Take a pill or two... it works wonderfully most of the time. But I don't want to have to pop a pill - I want to have a solution. What to do about feeling anxious so that I actually don't feel anxious. The pills are a dream. A blissful one, but still not real. They help me cope - much like booze, drugs, sex, food, etc. except they're prescribed so I guess that makes them different (ha!).

Fixing the issues that are making me have anxiety is an obvious solution, but not an immediate one. Perhaps I should slip into a meditative state until my next shrink appointment?

Or I could bitch about it right here on the interwebz. It takes the edge off ;o)

-Love Marylin.

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