June 13, 2009

Eat And Breathe

Holy shit it's been a while.

I'm sitting at my desk in my new studio/office/workspace (choose one) and I fuck-ing-love-it. I pulled it all together today and it's pretty much done. My desk is so much bigger, I have storage, I have a balcony with sunlight and fresh-air - the only thing I can complain about at the moment is the white-trash neighbours who sit outside and drink beer while talking much too loudly about nothing and occasionally getting into a verbal match where whoever can swear at the other the loudest and most inappropriately wins.

But I say, they're all winners *thumbs up*

I live in one of the good neighbourhoods in Hamilton and these people stick out like a sore thumb.

Anyway, I can't let myself get stressed out about it. I've been in de-stress mode since last Sunday morning at meditation.

You see, when meditating, one is still. Breathe. Relax. Let thoughts drift away. Bring awareness to the moment. It's a wonderful thing. Jodie and I started going to Sunday morning meditation at a Buddhist temple up the mountain and we both loved going - it made the whole rest of the week better. But we stopped going due to early mornings being hard and most likely approaching cold weather.

Now it's about a year later and we're dragging our asses back into Bodhisattva-ness damnit.

Last Sunday was our first time back and it was an eye-opener.

I sat on the cushion, tried to relax, breathe, close my eyes.

First sensation - racing thoughts. Not just racing thoughts, but thoughts flashing by at a frequency so fast that I could hardly decipher what the thoughts were about.

Since last summer I've been working pretty hard at not having to think those thoughts that make me worried, sad, anxious, afraid, etc. T.V. on every night, all night long as I slept because the t.v. would allow me to fall asleep without having to be alone with my thoughts. The t.v. was the distraction. I didn't care what was on, as long as it distracted me, put my brain on zombie mode, I guess you could say.

Having the t.v. on while you sleep is SO bad for you. You don't get a proper rest and you don't remember your dreams. You wake up feeling gross. Also, it's addicting.

When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is check my email, and then I'm pretty much on the computer all day. More distraction.

I'd been living like this for months and months and I had no idea I was even stressed out.

So last Sunday was the first time in a LONG time that I was forced to be completely quiet, still, aware, and it was as if all those thoughts I'd been distracting myself from came flooding through, the damn had broke. It was disturbing.

I then became aware of my breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Long, slow, smooth breaths - that's what I tried to do... except my breaths came out short, shaky, and uneven. I couldn't breathe, that's how stressed I was.

My third sensation was pain. Nothing new, but it was worse than usual - perhaps because I was attempting to unclench from months of a stiff, tight body? Or perhaps it was merely because I was paying attention.

It was a horrible morning and left me depressed for the rest of the day. But it also opened my eyes to how poorly I take care of myself. So I decided then and there that I couldn't go on like that anymore and here I am a week later, already feeling so much better.

It's really sad when you tell your shrink that you "started to eat and breathe this week." I didn't realize how crazy that sounded till she pointed it out. Shit. What the fuck am I doing to myself?

Right. So tomorrow morning is attempt number two at meditating - I look forward to it.

Oh, and I've canceled my cable so there's nothing on anymore. Ha!

It appears as though I've rambled on quite a bit already. You might wanna take a bathroom break, cause I have a lot more to talk about.

Okay you're back! lol


George racked up a $450 vet bill the other week (talk about stress). You may remember me mentioning that I took pictures of his asshole? Well I took him to the vet and it turned out he had a bladder infection - apparently bladder infections do weird things to male cats *shrugs.* He had to stay at the vet for two nights and they sent him home with two different medications and a plastic cone around his neck.

First let me tell you: George just might look cuter when he's wearing his cone then when he's not. It's too sweet to describe - I have to recommend getting your cat a cone. Pictures are coming, don't worry.

George is also freakishly undisturbed by this huge cone around his neck: he's been wearing it for a week and a half straight with zero problems. And don't tell him I told you this, but the thing is on so loosely that he could just slip his head out of it if he wanted to.
My theory? He doesn't want to.

I didn't get off that easy though. He's being so stubborn about taking his pills. I've tried disguising them in all kinds of yummy things - bacon even! He's onto me. He knows what's up. He eats around the pill or he eats the food then spits the pill out, still intact!

I've had good luck for the past two days with some wet food and cat milk so I just pray it lasts till he's done his meds cause he needs to get rid of his infection - poor guy.

And that's what's up with George - he has an exciting life.

Encyclopedia Dramatica.

Heard of it?

Me neither. Well, at least up till a few weeks ago. Now I know very well what it is. It seems my epic Suzi Blu blog post caught their attention and inspired an article of their own - it's apparently part of a series on whores, according the site. Karma really is a bitch.

On to more important things: I've watched three Monty Python movies so far and they rock: Holy Grail, Life Of Brian, and Meaning Of Life. I feel there's a good chance I might start 'getting' the references people make now lol.

I also got in a few other movies in the past couple weeks:

Chaplin - definitely good enough to own. Jersey Girl - wtf? I'd like my hour and a half back please. The Hours - I've probably watched this six times in the past two weeks and have officially added it to my list of favourites. He's Just Not That Into You - no.

The white trash are blasting hip-hop... bad hip-hop.

Hey, while I'm on pet-peeves, is it just me or is it incredibly annoying when the elevator door opens and you start to walk out but people start walking in instead of letting you walk out first? Isn't it proper elevator etiquette to let those who are in the elevator get off before the people waiting for the elevator get on? Yes, I think it is. And if it's isn't, it damn well should be.

I think that's good enough for now as far as blog posts go.

For me, blogging is cathartic, so when I go a while without doing it, I start getting a bit antsy.

P.S. My mum unloaded a fuck-ton of good quality oil paints and some acrylics too. I'm going to take a bath in them now.

-Love Marylin.


  1. Ah, meditation. Rarely a bad idea. I should do more of it myself. Good to see you're on the upswing!

  2. George is cuter with the cone, isn't he! And I think he knows it and therefore will not take his medication so he can keep the cone...it's just a theory!

    Meditation is a good thing, we should all do it more often! (Except when we sleep in! Sorry!)

  3. *LOL* They used two of my journal pages and suggested they are Suzi's! The 'White out'page, and where it says 'lots of internet drama'. *LOL*

    Shame Suzi will more than likely say 'Oh, but they didn't even get my age right, and I moved out of my parents' house like months ago... so the rest is full of bullshit too' and people will believe her..

    As far as meditation goes, I now take the dog for long(ish) walks in the morning, without saying a word and just listening to the wind in the trees and the birds singing. It's like meditation, but I don't have to sit on an uncomfortably hard pillow. ;)


Thanks for reading <3