March 3, 2009

Already March

If you listen closely you can hear the sound of my teeth grinding. I barely notice it myself. I haven't been able to breathe for at least a week now and I've been disturbingly dizzy for the past couple of days.

I used to live like this for months on end.

And didn't really notice it... I knew it was happening and that it was making me miserable but I didn't really notice it, I didn't realize what it was. I wasn't as awake as I am now.

I'm going through a withdrawal of sorts and did not expect this level of anxiety to creep up on me - I more or less expected bouts of depression for a while, but not this near-crippling anxiety. I should have known it might be harder than quitting smoking...

I'm frustrated, not sure what to do to ease these symptoms and afraid that they might stay just long enough to fuck my life up all over again - the life I am just beginning to recreate for myself, that I've been through hell to get to.

I'll probably be just fine, but right now it doesn't feel that way, my heart is beating too fast. Its making me tired. I need the sound of George's purr in my ear, my Georgie's little kitty motor. has a new home, a better home no doubt, than its horrid predecessor canaca... oh canaca, I have already uttered your name too many times in this blog post for my liking... you do not deserve the advertising, not even the negative advertising.

Anyway, I just have to set it up and its all yours again, ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. please do not tell me to go and get some drugs for my anxiety... what ever happened to dealing with things without chemicals? If I'm able to, why not? If I'm unable to, I will call my doctor.

P.P.S. I want a sybian for Christmas, Santa Claus.

-Love Marylin.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for your encouraging comments on my blog. I hope you are feeling better. Anxiety is so difficult. Do whatever you can to comfort yourself sweetie. Deep breathing, candles, hot baths, praying, yoga, whatever it takes. :) my thoughts are with you.


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